


Two Worlds

by Fandora, whenxkilled027



Series: Through the Looking Glass [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Modern Era, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-02
Updated: 2016-11-25
Packaged: 2018-04-07 09:14:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 88,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4257768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandora/pseuds/Fandora, https://archiveofourown.org/users/whenxkilled027/pseuds/whenxkilled027
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Fade is vast and unknown to even those that walk it, how far it goes or to where no one knows. As Thedas reaches for a new era with calmer tides, a new threat enters and this one could destroy not just their world but our own. Their world is not just a game....</p><p>Cullen patrols the Emerald Graves with his men, enjoying missing another ridiculous noble party and thinking it's time to visit his family.<br/>Tabitha is on vacation for two weeks, wishing to simply relax at home playing Dragon Age. </p><p>A figure lurks in the shadows of the Graves night sky and is about to ruin both of their plans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's Not Just A Game

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fandora](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandora/gifts).



> I'm excited to be posting here, as I already live on the site for reading. Please bare with me as I figure my way around this system. the posting process looks as if it's going to be a headache when transferring things from my google docs to here.
> 
> Also Chapters vary in size, I hope you like Cullen and Tabby's Journey 
> 
> Enjoy!

The night was cool, stars glittering like the snow of the Frostbacks. As a Ferelden this view was no different than all the years as a child he’d spent outside by the lake. It was a blessing and a miracle that he could do this once again. Simply take a deep breath not fearing that the world could end at any second. The Breach had been closed for nearly a month now. The Inquisitor triumphing over Corypheus and his mad plan to become a god. Cullen had lead his armies and fought at his side more than once and was proud to call Dominic friend. 

But at the moment he wished to strangle him. 

“Commander! Word from Mistress Nightingale.” 

“Thank you Thomas.”

Cullen took the scroll. The perfect handwriting more familiar then his own. 

_Commander,_  
How goes progress at the Emerald Graves? You missed the most glorious party here, nobles from all around once again wished to thank the Inquisitor and bare gifts. A few, suitors, wondered about your presents being gone from the party. It was really rather entertaining as I know what your face would have looked like if you had been here.  
The Inquisitor told me tell you, you’re welcome and try not to get killed out there. This place wouldn’t be nearly as much fun without you. 

_Nightingale_

Evil woman. She knew how much he hated those gathering of nobles. Could hardly stand dealing with them, just lingering about, in Skyhold. Smirking softly Cullen was suddenly very grateful to the Inquisitor. Still wanted to strangle him a bit, but missing that particular event made him less hostile feelings. 

He places the scroll down on his desk and exits his tent, finding his captain off to his left. 

“Greeves, I’m going to take a walk of the parameter. Make sure Thomas doesn’t work though the night, again.”

“Yes sir!”

The cool night brushed against his sink, relief against the heat his body was overproducing. While the Lyrium withdrawals had calmed of late, Cullen still had dreams. They thankfully weren’t as frequent, but on nights like tonight, calm and quiet, he knew if he didn’t exhaust himself with a good walk it would be a very rough evening.  
By the time he reached the farthest guard point from the camp. The moon was at its highest. The light shined down in rays of silver. 

It was breath taking. 

It reminded him of home once again and all those nights as a boy out in the fields on his family's farm. The lake being his only safe haven from his very loud brother and sisters. 

He smiled lightly.

 _Hmm, maybe a quick letter to Mia is in order. She has been pestering me to visit now that world isn't going to fall into chaos._  
Cullen thought it over as he spoke to the guard. It had been too many years. His parents and sibling would be overly excited he knew. As he hiked back down toward the camp, Cullen decided. He would write both Skyhold and his family tell them of his plans. Pleased he takes his time enjoying the night.

A sound resonates to his left. Cullen stopped, his hand lifting to the pommel of his sword. A branch cracked to his right. 

He was surrounded he could feel it. 

_Maker's Breath._

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t the Commander of the Inquisition forces.”

A hooded figure of a man steps out of the shadows. While the moon gifted him enough light to see the man’s body his face stayed in darkness. By the robes he wore Cullen knew he was a mage. The others stayed out of sight. These were no amateurs. 

“I had hoped the Inquisitor would have come, but alas you will have to do.” 

Cullen’s eyes narrowed on the figure just before jumping back. What he knew as an arrow missed his face by inches, but then that’s what it was supposed to do. A ward lay just behind him, his left foot now encased in ice up to his knee. Cursing he tried to break free.

The man before him began to chant. The language one he had never heard before. Light formed all around him, the magic so thick it made it hard to breath. Cullen’s skin crawled. This magic was not normal; it felt wrong as it began gliding over him. 

“What are you doing to me?”

The bright light around him had illuminated just the bottom half of the man’s face. An evil smile turning up the corners. 

“Just sending you away. The game can’t be played without its Commander now can it? Don’t worry Commander Thades will be here when you return, hopefully. Enjoy your time on the other side,” the smile widened, “And try not to die.”

Then he was falling. Darkness surrounding him as fell further and further.  
******  
Tabby looked at her TV screen royally confused. 

_Where the hell had that guy come from?_

That scene had never been there before. Even with the added DLC, she’d played Dragon Age multiple times already, that was not part of the game. 

_And now it’s frozen. Fucking awesome._

Sighing heavily. Her brown and teal blue hair falling forward into her face. The PS4 controller making hard contact with her head and black rimmed glasses.  
This was supposed to be a relaxing two weeks off some work and yet it was definitely starting off badly. 

Untangling herself from the sofa, Tabby winced, her long tan legs groaning from stiffness. She’d sat still for far too long with her legs crossed. She stood still for a second before stretching. The shorts and spaghetti strap tank hugging close to her curves. While she wasn’t completely obese Tabby wasn’t stick thin like some of her friends. Standing at 5’5 evened out her weight so she still had flat stomach..ish. What could she say she liked food and while she could make herself grumpy and irritable by going on a diet. Tabby would rather just go to the gym three times a week and relish the goodness of yummy foods.

 _Speaking of food._

Arms over her head fingers laced in the middle of thinking what to make for dinner, Tabby froze. Her dark brown eyes flicking around as the living room temperature dropped. The glass on her coffee table began to tremble. Then stopped. 

_Okay…_  
A near blinding light engulfed the room, a large hole tearing open on her ceiling, a body dropping out of it like a thrown sake of potatoes and landing on said coffee table.  
Screaming she jumped back onto the sofa. 

A loud crack forces her to cover her ears just the hole closes. Slowly she looks down. Tabby felt the blood rush out of her face, her knees almost buckling.

_Oh no, no, no, no. This isn’t happening. That’s not… it couldn’t be… oh my god it has to be. Golden blonde hair, perfect face, ugly ass fur cloak, armor, and the scar above his lip._

Tabby looked to her TV then back to the man on the floor. 

“Holy shit.”

It was Cullen.

Cullen Stanton fucking Rutherford. The General and Commander of Inquisition forces was laying on her floor. A few fantasy played out in her head quickly, until he groaned and started to move. 

“Oh crap.” 

Tabby jumped over the back of the sofa. While she understood the basics of Cullen's character after romancing him in the game. She knew even better that even without his Templar powers he could kill her without much effort. Having little doubt that he would freak out the moment he woke, Tabby made sure to put some distance between them. God only knew if he would have a withdrawal moment. 

_Oh for the love of all thing holy here and with his Maker please don’t let him have a moment._

She watched as he moved again a hand going to his head. Fear overpowered her hands reaching out to grab the first thing she could, a vase. She’d throw it at him if need be, before running away. 

Slowly he brought his hand down. Gloved hands unsteadily pushed him off the floor. He still hadn’t opened his eyes, she noted. She also noted as he rose to full height that he was a lot bigger in person. 

“Sweet baby Jesus.” 

Her breath caught, he was all man. Everything about him screamed alpha. Even with all the armor on… Tabby felt a tad faint and increasingly turned on.  
Cullen stopped moving, her voice forcing him to lift his head. Those amber eyes opened, catching her own plain brown. They narrowed. 

She swallowed, her hands beginning to tremble. While the Commander was amazing eye candy, he reminded her brain, yet again, that he was still very much a man with crazy strength and power that could snap her like a twig. 

They stared at one another, his hand moving to rest on the pommel of his sword. 

Dear god, she needed to say something. Anything. 

“Hello.” 

Okay really? That’s the best her brain could do?

He stilled watching her closely with those eyes. While he didn’t move, for the first time in her life she felt uncomfortable with the clothes she wore. No one looked like her in Thedas. Very slowly Tabby put down the vase and raise her hands up in surrender. Instead of calming him it made him tense even more.

“Commander?” her voice a whisper.

Tabby hadn’t thought she could make the situation worse, but as such was her life, she succeeded. Cullen’s hand tightened on his sword. The brown and red leather groaning.

 _Wait red?_

Tabby felt whatever blood she’d held in her face plummet back to the floor. Blood dripped from his arm and leg. A large piece of her coffee table was stuck in his arm and glass shards did the same on his leg. 

Every skill she’d learned in nursing school kicked in. Fear of him flying out the window as, fear for him consumed her. Very carefully Tabby turned to go around the sofa.

“Commander, my name is Tabitha Amell. I’m a nurse. I help take care of people. You are hurt.”

He glanced down at the wound in his arm. It looked like he hadn’t even noticed it till them. God what did they make the men in Thades out of? She would be screaming her head off if a huge chunk of wood was sticking out of her arm. She rounded the sofa catching his attention once more.

“I’m not a threat, I promise. Honestly I couldn’t fight you if I tried. I’m not a mage either. I have no powers other than a sharp tongue and cooking really good tacos.” 

Her hands stayed up in the air. His eyes never leaving her face as she approached. 

“I know you're confused and I promise I’ll answer whatever questions you have if you just let me help you.”

Tabby stopped, standing close enough to see the tick in his jaw muscle twitch. He looked down at her now. The man had to at least be six foot. Meaning she was very small next to him. Her head reach just under his chin. The distrust in his eyes was killing her. She needed for him to understand, but she didn’t want to give away that she knew too much about him. The Templar and Lyrium thing was personal and being a stranger/ possible enemy in his eyes was hard enough to deal with. 

Turning her hands palms up she presented them to him. 

“I promise, I am as you see me. Human.” 

His eyes moved then and she knew he was looking at her hair. Smiling she reached, slowly, for his uninjured hand. He tensed visibly, but she kept a soft smile on her face as she took it and brought it to her hair. Tabby noted the warmth and slight tremble. 

“It’s just coloring. Not natural,” she pleaded again. The blood starting to pool on her wood floors, “Please Commander.”

All he did was nod and Tabby went to work. Carefully she moved him toward the sofa.

“Take off your coat, breastplate and sword- keep them next to you, but I need you to take off your shirt so I can clean your arm,” he hesitated, but did as she asked. She bit her lip whispering more to herself, but knowing he could hear her, “Just be glad I didn’t start with your leg.”

She teased. Whether that was a good idea or not she didn’t care. The tension in the air was suffocating enough and also she wanted to see if he really did blush easily. The answer came quickly as his ears burned lightly pink. Tabby smiled, her heart pumping blood into her veins faster now as she ran into her kitchen. Her hospital grad emergency kit sat just on the counter. Thank god she had just restocked it the other day. 

Then cursed when she realized there were no real painkillers in her bag and she hadn’t had any inside the house since she came back from her last tour to the Middle East. Stitching him up was going to be difficult if he move. Sighing Tabby raced back into the living room. Having enough sense to slip on her flip flops and avoid cutting her feet open with all the glass. 

“Listen I don’t have much in the way of pain relief, so just bare… with… me.” 

_Good god…_

The man was a thousand more times handsome then in the game and mind blowingly sexy. He sat on the sofa, having taken off his tunic and armor as she had asked. Every feminine bone in her cried out to the very alpha male before her.

 _While I am confused and extremely worried about him, thank whatever god is out there for this amazing moment._

Normally she wasn’t like this. After everything at had transpired with Danny four years ago… she just couldn’t look at any other man in the same light. Of course she’d developed a slightly unhealthy fascination with the man in front of her, but damn it he wasn’t supposed to be real. 

Swallowing the lump in her throat Tabby moved to sit beside him. Opening her kit she pulled out fresh gloves and went to work cleaning all the cuts on his arm. 

“This will sting a bit.” 

He hissed as she pulled out the piece of wood and again the second the alcohol soaked gaz touched the wound. He didn’t yank away his arm though. 

“I’m sorry.” She whispered worrying her full bottom lip, throwing the hunk of gauze to the floor. Reaching back into the kit she hunts for the stitching thread and needle. His hand shot out and gripped her small wrist tightly. She looked into his eyes, they were hard. 

_This was definitely him in Templar mode._

“It’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you, I swear. Your wound is deep enough, I need to give you a few stitches to close it so it won’t leave a crazy scar or become infected.” 

He stared those pools of amber gold shifting from distrust and confusion. Tabby tired to keep her calm and understanding while pleading for him to let her help. After what felt like hours he slowly loosened his grip. Whatever he had been searching for he must have found. 

“Try not to move. This is going to possibly hurt more than before. Once done I’ll clean up your leg.”

He didn’t speak. Just glared forward, irritating her nerves. Without thinking she tightened her hold on his arm.

“Cullen.” 

His head snapped to her, his brows nearly reaching his hairline in surprise. As upset and confused as he may be Tabby found she needed more than just four or five expressions out of him. She needed Cullen to trust her and understand she wasn’t going to hurt him. Why it was so important she couldn’t fathom but seeing that change satisfied something she couldn’t name enough to get back work. 

After a time Tabby glanced up, he was watched her close the wound. Sighing she gave him a tired smile.

“I know what you’re thinking, but I don’t know how you got here. I could only watch as it happened.”

“Where am I.” He tone demanded an answer. She sighed keeping her cool. No one having spoken to her like that since her training days. 

“Not in Thedas I can tell you that much. Somehow you were transported here and while I should be a hell of a lot more frightened, I’m not. I know you wouldn’t hurt me unless you felt threatened.”

“You don’t know a thing about me.”

She chuckled softly.

“There you would be wrong. I know a decent amount - hey don’t move and don’t give me that look. For all intensive purposes in this world you’re not supposed to be real.”

“Obviously I am.”

“Yeah no shit.” She sighed heavily placing a bandage on his arm. “Listen, I’m just as confused as you are, also a little terrified. This world is extremely different to the one you just left. There are no mage’s, no Templars, no elves, no Qunari or crazy creatures like dragons. Here it’s just us idiot humans. The age of swords and armor has been gone for a long time. We fight amongst each other and struggle with who we can trust and if the color of our skin or sexual orientation makes us different,” she smiled lightly, “It’s loud, and bright and beautiful all at the same time.”

“Sounds like Kirkwall, minus the beautiful part and the bright part.”

Tabby laughed moving down check the wound on his leg more closely. Still smiling and looked up into that magnificent face of his again. 

“Well looks like you get to keep your pants on Commander. The cuts aren’t so bad just need a cleaning and a bandage.”

He sighed lightly and she could have sworn she heard him thank the Maker. His one hand reaching up to rub the back of his neck. 

While she should, again, be worrying about how he ended up in her home and how to possibly get him back.The only thing that came to mind was how fun it was to tease him.  
The small tells that he was nervous being so much cuter in person. 

It took a few more moments for her to finish working on him, but once done she pulled off the gloves. A smile tilting up the corners of her full lips.

“Well Commander you are all fixed. Here,” She pours two Advil into her palm and grabbed the water bottle off the floor, “Take these and it should at least decrease the discomfort in your arm. Sadly I have nothing stronger.”

“Do you have whiskey?” 

“I believe so, why?”

He handed back the pills.

“I’ll take that instead.”

“Cullen-“

“I am in a world that makes no sense, I’m injured and speaking to a woman who’s barely clothed. I’d really like a drink after the last few moments I’ve had.”

How could she argue with that? 

Nodding she went to the kitchen and pulled the large bottle of Jack from her cabinet and two glasses. When she returned he had moved to stand beside her bay window.Still bare chested, but it the look on his face that twisted her heart. Tabby could only image how odd her world must look to him. Everything was foreign in the most basic ways. Armor and swords hadn’t been used in war since the middle ages. While she knew that Thedas had a bases in English history, it was still a world of fantasy. 

Tabby moved to his uninjured side handing him the glass. 

“It might not taste the same, but the effect you're looking for should be.”

She’d served him two fingers worth in the glass and in less then a second he’d downed it then motioned for the other one in her hand. Reluctantly she handed it over. 

“More.”

“No, I don’t need you getting drunk and falling over hurting yourself more.” Sighing she touched his arm. “Come you can sleep in my guest room.”

“Im not tired.” 

“Well I can’t take you outside there is a snow storm blowing through,” his stubbornness was grating on her nerves, “Cullen-”

“Please stop saying my name as if you know me. It’s disconcerting when I have no idea who you are.”

“Fine,”she stated slamming the glasses down, her anger getting the better of her, “then ask me questions. I’ll tell you whatever you wish to know.” 

“Why are you angry?”

“Because I have an ungrateful man, whose wounds I just patched up, standing before me. I know trust is something you earn, but dammit you don’t seem to catch that I’m just as frightened as you are. You are capable of harming me enough that id never know what happened before you struck. You’re taller and larger than me. I may know combat, but you live in a world where you train and fight constantly. It’s not like that here.”

“I wouldn’t hurt you after you’ve helped me.” 

Tabby watched a genuine pain full his eyes as he attempted to face her too quickly. Without hesitation she fitted herself to his side as he stumbled, her hand resting just over his heart. Heat pooled south and for the first time tonight she hated her reaction to him. It was so far out of the appropriate moment range. 

Sighing she guided him to her guest room. 

“Come on Commander. You need some rest.” 

Carefully Tabby lowered him to the bed then kneeled to unlace his boots and set them aside. He laid down on his back. 

“My room is just across from this one if you need me. The bathroom is through that door over there.” 

When he didn’t respond Tabby turned to leave. He grabbed on her hand. it was trembling.

“Cullen?” she asked sitting back down next this him. Worried maybe the alcohol was reacting to his system weirdly. She touched his face, but she didn’t feel a temperature. 

“Stay.”

“What?”

“Stay with me… please.”

Softly she brushed a curl from the top of his head a small smile pulling at her lips before he nodded. 

“Of course Commander.”


	2. Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen wakes to find he's still in the strange world, and that there are a few confusing but pleasant sensations working their way through his system. 
> 
> Tabby realizes Cullen wasn't a dream and her family obligations complicate things along with Cullen seeing a certain famous Dragon Age Romance scene.
> 
> Updated: 7/4/2015

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There is some rough handling of Tabby in this chapter. If it makes you uncomfortable I'm sorry. I'm learning things as I build her character and her past is becoming a little more dark then I had originally intended, but I promise to place a Warning anytime a chapter has any kind of manhandling.

Cullen woke to a few different sensations. Soreness in his shoulder and leg nagged, but weren't unbearable. The other had him looking down to his stomach. The head of dark loose curls with some odd sky blue color on the bottom. She'd said it was just colored, but why she would do it was beyond him. It suited her though. Complimenting her bronze skin and cinnamon eyes. He noticed then she was still sitting on the edge of the bed, body twisted over his leaving him to wonder how in Maker's name she found it comfortable enough to sleep in? Something moved in his hand, looking down he was surprised to see she still held it from the night before. 

Feather light and warm breath brushed against his skin, Cullen tensed, zeroing in on the soft tickle. His eyes move to her full smooth lips; Cullen felt the twitch of his cock hardening quickly as he thought of them surrounding him, licking and pulling... Maker’s breath he didn't even know the woman and was his body wanting her in a way he'd never known before. 

Cullen's licked his bottom lip and raised his free hand carefully to move a silken piece of hair from her heart shaped face. From this angle he noticed the light dusting of freckles across her small nose and high cheek bones. A small beauty mark just bellow her left eye. Full figured in every place he found attractive, Cullen had to hold back a grown when he noticed that the outfit she wore was pulled up and down in all the right and wrong places. He could see a clear view down her shirt, breast large and more then could fit in his hand possibly. _Maker..._ The top had was pulled down from her movements, but the hem had also ridden up, a good portion of her stomach now showing. Cullen moved the hand interlaced with his a little his thumb skimming over the supple skin. 

Her face scrunched up, a soft moan vibrating in her throat before she burrowed her face a little more into his stomach. Cullen then realized just how far down on his stomach she really was.

_Sweet Andraste!_

He had to wake her up. He was harder than dragon scaled armor and it was annoying, terrifying, exhilarating and down right tempting to every male sense in his body. Voice rough with sleep he called to her. 

"Tabitha."

She moaned lightly cuddling closer. 

Maker preserve him, he was dying. 

He shook her shoulder. "Tabitha, please wake up." 

Dark lashes fluttered before opening just slightly. Head tilting back to look at him.

"Good morning." A ghost of smirk touched his lips.

What happened next was so sudden Cullen blinked and nearly missed Tabitha's eyes widening, a screech echoing around them and her on the floor one hand over her mouth. 

"Oh my god you're still here. You weren't a dream. Oh my-" 

She looked down at their interlocked fingers. Quickly she let him go and scrambled to stand up righting her clothes along the way. 

"I'm so sorry! I-" 

She hissed. Her body clearly protesting as she straightened out. 

Cullen sat up. The light filtering through the drapes in the room making it a blue color much like Tabitha's hair. He wanted to laugh, but the shock that he was still with her made him pause.

"You thought I was a dream?" 

She wrapped her arms around herself and Cullen saw a vulnerable side of her poke through all the professional business like display he'd witnessed the night before. 

"It wouldn't be the first time you've made an appearance." 

he raised an eyebrow at that. "Really?" 

The look of horror that clouded her eyes told him that little confession should have remained inside her head. 

"Oh god.." 

Hands covered her face and she took a step back. 

"Tabitha?"

"Please just, give me a second. I haven't had coffee and you're a very gorgeous man half naked in a bed. My brain can't handle all that at once." 

He pushed his legs over the side of the bed and winced. Her head snapped up quickly and within seconds the confident woman from the night before was back. Knowledgeable fingers removed the bandages on his arm, checking and poking at it, her eyes widening. 

"How? They've healed over already." 

He shrugged. 

"Why is that so surprising. Don't the people of this world heal?"

"Of course but it takes days or weeks. Not one night. It must be because of who you are or where you're from."

She went to the badge on his leg, Cullen was especially thankful that he'd calmed down enough that his erection wasn't obvious. Though her presents once again invoked a heat in his belly that shouldn't be there. 

"You're healed."

She stared at him with wonder and Cullen couldn't stop his hand as it touched her cheek. It was softer than velveteen. Their eyes caught and he felt the stir again more powerfully this time. 

For a horrible moment he wondered if she was a type of desire demon. His fingers traced down to her neck, pulse drumming to a quick rhythm. 

"Cullen."

His name was a whisper that practically lick over his skin. A soft growl vibrated in his throat. Those Cinnamon eyes pulling him in. 

A kind of loud chiming nose started to fill his ears pulling him away from the moment. Tabitha blinked then stood cursing. 

"I'll be right back. Don't move around too much. Just because you're healed doesn't mean you won't be sore." 

Watching her leave curled his body tighter. That damnable outfit she's wearing cut low and left little to the imagination. The fabric hugged closely and while the night before his mind had registered that she mostly wore nothing. He had been more concerned with the matter at hand being he was somewhere very far from home. He didn't know if he could trust her completely, but he also didn't know this odd world. This left Tabitha as his only hope of getting home. 

Cullen breathed heavily and looked at his surroundings. Nothing was familiar. Odd painting hung on the walls some more life like then he was used to. It unnerved him quite a bit if he was honest. There was a book case across from the bed and desk with what looked like a padded chair next to it. 

Turning toward the window at his back, blue drapes hung keeping out most of the light. Carefully, not willing to risk the wrath of the young healer, he walked over to it. He pushed apart the curtains, which gifted him with the oddest yet most familiar sight he's ever seen. 

Snow blanketed the ground. In fact it was still coming down, but from way the light shined through the clouds it would clear up in a few hours. A black road seemed to pass through this odd looking village. Mountains he's never seen before lay in the background. He could see children down a little ways playing in front of their home. Throwing snow balls laughing and screaming. 

It reminded him of his family and the times he and siblings would play around during the winter. His hand clenched around the drape. 

Would he ever see his family again? Was he stuck here forever? 

Cullen shook his head desperately fighting back the sinking notion that after everything he'd been through this is what the Marker gave him in thanks. 

No. He would find a way home. He couldn't hurt his family not after surviving the fall of two circles and a blighted magister. He couldn't abandon all his men or his friends. He was the commander of one of the most powerful armies in Thedas. He would not fail them by not returning. 

****  
Tabby raced down the hall avoiding glass on floor reaching her cell phone just in time. 

"Hello?" 

"Way to take fucking forever Tab's I was about to hang up." 

Of course it was her brother. 

"Markus, what do you want?" 

"Is that any way to treat your adorable baby brother?" 

"Baby my ass. Your two minutes younger than me. Now again I say, what do you want? I'm a little busy." 

"Ooo. Does my darling twin have man over?" 

Tabby froze. How in the hell does he guess right about everything? A shocked laugh echoed from the other end of the phone.

"My god, you do don't you?" 

"Mark." She growled. 

"What? You have been celibate since Danny passed and that was four years ago. Forgive me for being happy in the knowledge that you're finally starting to move on." 

She at down heavily into the arm of the sofa. Fingers pinching the bridge of her nose. She didn't want to talk about Danny and she sure as hell didn't want her brother finding out about Cullen. He already found her love for the character in the game a little unhealthy. Just knowing the man has stepped out of the game and into her life would have him calling the nut farm. People in white coats carting her off to live in a padded cell and make macaroni faces on plates, so high on the drugs they give her she wouldn't even be able to remember her name. 

Exhaling roughly she gripped the phone tighter. 

"You called for a reason, what is it?" 

"Ugh, really Tabby you are no fun. Fine. Mom and dad know a storm rolled through your area, but told me to inform you that you can not back out of the visiting this weekend. They said and I quote, 'if you don't show you should expect them on your doorstep the next morning.' So just confirm with me now your coming." 

The world tilted. Her parents house... 

She'd completely forgot about it. They had asked months before if she would visit to help out around the farm. 

_Oh god.._

"Mark listen-"

"No. I am not telling them you're not coming. Damnit Tabby this would be the fourth time you've done this. I don't care if the world is ending, you are coming home this weekend even if I have to drag you myself." His anger was almost palpable and deflated her on the spot. She knew she had to go and understood she'd been a really shitty daughter lately, but what was she going to do? Cullen wasn't going to be able to survive on his own for a few mins let alone a weekend. 

Stomach rolling Tabby groaned inwardly, she had no other options.

"Okay I'll be there, but warn mom and dad I'm bringing someone with me."

"Is this a friend or a 'friend'?"

"That is none of your business. Now I love you and I'll talk to you later. Oh and Mark if you start sending me annoying texts about him I will hurt you when I get home. Bye."  
Looking down at her phone the urge to toss it against the wall made her hand tremble. Why could nothing be simple? Why did life have to become so complicated she wanted run to the closest cave and stay there. The back light to her phone lit making her mood lighten a bit. The background was one of her own works of Cullen... It was a sweet drawing of him looking out onto the lake by his old home. She'd have to change it... But she didn't want to it was one the few things she was most proud of. It would make him uncomfortable though and Tabby didn't want that. 

She laughed softly. God help her if he ever found for art room or one of her sketch- 

Horror iced over her veins. Not only was it her guest room but also her office! Nearly tripping over her own feet she sprinted back to the one place in the house where her completed sketch books were. Tabby hit the door way at full speed, breathless.

"Cull...en." 

The image before her could have been been one of her drawings, curtains were open wide, light illuminating the room. Cullen sat on the edge of the bed, his back to the door and one of her sketch books in his hands.  
Faster than she had ever moved in her life, Tabby rounded the bed snatching the book from his hands and clutching it tightly to her chest. Heat flushed from her face down all the way to her toes. 

"Cullen I-I..." Damn she didn't know what to say to him. Many of the drawings she had done were of him in normal clothing or that of this world and him functioning on a day to day. A few of him as a father, but there were a few that were not as clean and in fact exposed what she thought his body, the lower half, would look like. This had to be one of the most embarrassing moment of her life. What was worse though was the look of suspicion in those amber eyes that wounded her bruised heart. 

How could she tell him that here in her world he was a fictional character inside a game? How do you tell someone that they aren't real when their sitting less than five feet from you? God she wished he would stop looking at her like the villain.

He stood then and Tabby quickly wished she could open up a hole in the ground and let it swallow her whole. The fade, which she assumed was real now, could take her and she wouldn't mind. 

"You're a very good artist. I'd like to know how a man who isn't supposed to be real in this world can be the very subject of your talent." 

The last word had a hard bite to it and again Tabby begged for a fade rift to open up under her feet. 

"It's not what you think. Maker’s breath, how do I explain this to you without sounding crazy or like a damn stalker." 

Overwhelmed and way to aware of his half naked body she began to pace hugging the book tighter. Then it hit her. Pulling out her phone she taped onto YouTube and wrote Dragon Age in the search bar. 

"You're going to want to sit down for this." 

"What is that?" 

"It's a phone or communication device. I can talk to people from anywhere in the world with it. I can send messages, and watch moving pictures." 

She sounded like an idiot but it was only way to explain what he was about to watch. Slowly Tabby sat down next to where he would. It took a moment but he did as she asked and she held the phone out before him and pressed play. The trailer for the game began and she felt him tense up. 

The cinematic trailer was beautiful but clearly not real. When it showed his face and spoke his voice Cullen took the phone from her hand. The wide pools of amber filled with fear made Tabby regret showing the video. When it was over she watched him touch the screen hitting another video with his thumb, it was the character romance. 

"No wait -" the 'sex scene' with him began to play. He held the phone away from her, "Cullen you don't want to see that." 

He stood and moved out of her reach. Tabby knew that scene well and as the blush on his face grew brighter she couldn't figure out if it was out of anger or embarrassment.  
The answer quickly as his face contorted just before he threw her phone. It shattered against the wall with a loud crack. Flinching she looked way speaking low to him. 

"Your world is a game here. We play it, make choices and fight as the inquisitor. Like in life anything is possible. What you saw was someone picking a female inquisitor and you as the person they wished to romance. That scene was the end result to a long process." 

Strong hands were upon her then, pulling up and away from the bed. Gasping as when he slammed her roughly against the wall. The nightstand lamp hitting the floor from her arm smashing into it. His shook her painfully forcing her to look him in the face. 

He was furious. 

"I am not some plaything! My life is not a game!" 

"Cullen-"

He pulled her back and slammed her into the wall harder ripping a startled gasp of pain from her lungs. She curled a little into self as he yelled.

"No! Whatever magic this is I don't care. Send me back. Right now." 

"I can't. I don't know how. Please I swear to you Cullen-" 

She begged.

"No more lies." 

He commanded.

Her head snapped up, that small part of her that had curled inward now, pushed at his chest, glaring daggers at him. No one took that kind of tone with her, not any more. She wouldn’t be a victim again and he was a better man than this. Steeling her spine she spoke.

"I haven't lied to you. Not once. If anything I've only held the truth back because there wasn't time between when you fell into my home and now. I can only imagine this being difficult, but I swear on my life I haven't lied and I didn't bring you here. Yes, I may have fantasizes about it, but why would I want to hurt you? Because that's what it would do. This world is so insane and different. The air is polluted, there's nothing familiar, people are horrible, god cars will look like monster from the fade to you." 

His fingers around her arms flexed, but she refused to flinch again. Taking a deep breath she looked into his eyes, his anger faltered. 

"I like you. Your character, the man you are in the game soothed a pain in me. I loved seeing your awkward moments and the little blush you give when you're nervous. How you rub the back of your neck when you're uncomfortable. You fight an addiction that should have never been pushed on you. You are brave and kind. You've lived through hell more times than anyone should and I commend you for having so much strength to keep moving." 

A burn at the back of her eyes started. 

"Four year ago I was engaged to be married. Danny was a soldier like you once were. He was dedicated to his country and I supported him." 

Her stomach filled with knots as a tear slipped. 

"The mission they had him on was supposed to be simple, but it went sideways and there was a fight. Three weeks after I saw him off, officials came to my door with his father. For two years I was lost. You could think of my existence in comparison to a tranquil. I was numb." 

A shaky smile found its way to her lips. 

"Then my brother gave me Dragon Age, the game for your world, and I fell in love. Your world is so beautiful and amazing despite the chaos. I wanted to learn more. Understand it. Every person in your world gave a little piece of myself back. Most of all you." 

The grip on her had loosened. The anger pushed down for the moment and he was looking at her with an emotion she couldn't name. It wasn't pity but sadness mixed empathy. Her hands stopped pushing him away and rested just over his heart. 

"I know it all makes no sense and I wish to your Maker and mine that I could explain things better, but this is all I can give you. I'm sorry." 

He sighed and leaned his forehead to hers. Tabby's heart just about stopped. His lips were so close, his nose brushing against hers. Her body went crazy. Heat flooded south pooling in her abdomen and she knew she was wet with in a few seconds. His scent filled her nose. Leather, metal and something earthy. Something most likely from his world but no matter what it was it kicked her hormones into overdrive. 

One of her hands started to move on its own. Sliding up his lightly haired chest, to his neck, up further to cup his roughened cheek. The scruff of his facial hair scraping against her palm.  
He leaned in closer. Breasts now brushing the back of her palm still over his heart. 

"I'm sorry I frightened you." his breath whispered over her lips. Tabby was so glad she was pinned to the wall or she would have hit the ground. Her knees shaking from the effort to keep her standing. 

"Cullen, I wish I could promise that I will get you home, but the reality is I have no idea where to start. There is no such thing as magic like there is in Thedas. It's machines and technology. Magic was forgotten ages ago. I will promise you one thing though," she cupped his face in both her hands looking him dead in those amber eyes that made her weak, "I will protect you and not stop searching for a way to send you back. It won't be easy. You'll get frustrated and angry as will I, but I'll never abandon you in my world. You will have a home here with me. I'll teach you how to survive in my world. For the next few weeks I'm on vacation from my job. I'll show you things and hopefully explain and give examples you can understand." 

She grinned. Not noticing that her hands were getting a little too familiar with his face. She brushed her thumb lightly over his cheeks, rubbed softly at his temples tracing down to his jaw.  
A small sound rumbled in his chest his head dropping to his shoulder. 

"Tabitha, please..." 

Blushing she yanked her hands away. 

"I'm sorry, but I'll be honest if you stay this close I won't be able to stop myself. I'm a very affectionate person and it's also you so my self control button is on off." 

He laughed. From his chest and belly laughed while leaning against her. She felt every shake and rumble. After a moment he pulled back and Tabby wanted to pout like a child. A kind smile tilted up one side of his mouth and Tabby almost groaned. _Why does he have to be naturally this amazing? And God help me that damn scare will be the end of me, I just know it._

Whatever was to happen while he was here Tabby knew she would show him how to have fun and relax. And while the attraction to him was intense; close to fatal on the senses, she would behave. So long as he didn't push. Another moment like this one and her manners would snap and she'd take him.... Multiple times. 

Smiling she moved away from the wall, biting the inside her cheek so not to wince. Bruises already forming, Tabby sent up a silent thankful prayer it was winter time. Hiding the them would be easier. 

"So would you like me to make you something to eat?"

He blushed a little and she couldn't stop her smile from growing. 

"If you wouldn't mind telling me how the bathroom works id like a bath first." 

"Oh, of course. Well this bathroom only has a shower so if you want to take a good soak you'll have to use mine. Follow me. I can give you a change of clothes as well. Hmmm it might be wise to go shopping." As they walked through her room, she started to make a list of the things he'll need in her head. Made it all the way to the bathroom before noticing he'd stopped at her dresser. The small frame in his hands. 

Tabby touched his arm looking down at the photo with a sad, yet empty, smile. 

"Is this him?" 

She nodded. 

"That was the day before he left. The day he asked me to marry him." 

"I'm sorry for your loss." 

Blinking she looked up at Cullen. _If he only knew..._ Without thinking Tabby reached up and kissed his cheek. The man really was sweet and far to good for her.

"Thank you. Now let's get that bath ready. I don't have many male clothes in the house anymore, but my brother might have left something." 

He followed her into the bathroom and showed him how everything worked and what each was for. The toilet being an awkward moment that they both rushed through. She started to fill the tub. It was just big enough to fit him. She grabbed a towel for him some plain scented soap. She told him she'd leave him clothes on the bed and to take his take while she cooked. 

Walking to the closet Tabby reached to the far back corner. A box slide forward. It was small and held no writing, but she knew they were clothes that would fit his frame. Placing the box on the bed she closed her eyes for a moment. The pain had eased over the years and the scars only ached every so often. 

Wherever fate was trying to drag her she hoped it didn't end with a broken heart. Taking a deep breath she broke open the box.


	3. Music, Food and Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen learns the truth about Tabitha's past while they both struggle with/against their desires.
> 
> Day one of Cullen Adventures.  
> Song lyrics used from Uptown Funk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo this was a PITA (Pain in the ass) chapter. It was written then rewritten and edited. I have reached a point I can't look at it anymore. So if it's not what you hoped for I'm really sorry. This will most likely see the editing board again. Chapter 4 will be a little bit just because I am on Vacation, but i have a feeling it will be more fun and less filler. 
> 
> I love all the comments everyone has sent and i'm crazy happy you all enjoyed it. Thank you for being so patient.

The bath felt amazing. Not only did the aches and pains of the morning and night before melt away, but from the two weeks prior in the Plains. Cullen leaned back against the tub. The hot water working out the knots as if they were skilled hands.

Content for the first time, he looked at his surroundings closely. The bath chamber or bathroom as Tabitha called it was large, excessive in the size, reminding him of the trip to Orlais, but not as filled with gold and silver. It held a lot but was simple. 

Candles around the tub were soft in scent and used often.The tans, creams and blues circled him on both the floor and walls. It reminded him of the few times he'd been close to the sea. There were paintings with words of strength everywhere. Unique art of old fields and one large tree with pink flowers in bloom and falling to the wind. Across from the tub was a counter with two washbasins and a mirror that went the length of the counter. 

Jewelry, and other feminine things littered the top, a strange white cat with big eyes seems to be waving at him, but it was all the small notes pasted to the mirror that had him frowning. “You are amazing, don’t you forget it.” “Don’t stress over how far you have to go, instead. Focus on how you have come.” “Just one step at a time.” “Girls put up with bullshit, women move on.” “Don’t forget to smile.” “Simply become who you are.” “Every accomplishment starts with the choice to try.” Yet the one that grabbed at him the most was placed at eye level on the mirror. The one thing she would see everyday.“Learning is a gift. Even when pain is your teacher.”

In the quiet seclusion of the room he began to think. The nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach tore and bit at him. With everything Tabitha had told him, there was most definitely something she was holding back. Just what that was, he couldn’t figure out and he could feel that if he had a few more pieces to the puzzle he’d have the answer. Until then Cullen needed to remain calm for a few reasons: one, she was going to help and was wise enough not to promise anything more than that for many reason. Two, she had exerted a logical thought process about it all and as a man of strategy and planning, that part of Tabitha's mind had been familiar. 

For a few moments more he replayed many of his choices back; to seeing himself in the object she called a phone, how it played an image that looked and sounded like him but wasn't. The anger that had boiled over made him flinch. Cullen knew he'd hurt her was, actually pretty damn sure of it, and his stomach rolled in disgust. He'd never laid a his hands on woman like that before and he didn't like feeling it left behind. He also hadn't missed the way she'd shied away from him at certain points. At his most rough she'd submitted in a way that he'd seen more than once during his time as a Templar… the feeling about her came back, the one that told him he knew answer to his questions on Tabitha… damn it, what was he missing? He went to the memory, she'd found strength to fight back against him. Voiced her pain and loss, showed him that he was important to her even if he didn’t know or understand it. 

Sighing he needed to apologize. The anger he displayed shouldn't have been aimed at her, she'd in fact done everything to help him thus far. Raising, water moved around his legs as he stepped out, grabbing for the towel she'd left. Drying himself then wrapping the towel around his waist and exited the room. His hair hung in loose curls, drops of water falling to his chest. He looked up at the curls and sighed running his fingers through it slicking it back. 

He was going to have to ask if there was anything he could use to calm the chaos that was his hair. 

Standing before the bed he looked down at the clothes she'd left. What looked like a shirt and loose pants waited for him, but no smalls. _Maker's breath... Do they not have those here?_ His mind went straight to Tabitha and revealing outfit. He felt himself twitch underneath the towel, the image of her being completely bare. Cullen groaned openly leaning against the bed.

She was a beautiful woman, full in all the right places and narrow in others. He remember the feeling of her breath in his stomach the press of her breasts against his side.  
Halfway through the memory Cullen stopped, his hand itching to touch the woman he'd only just met. He shouldn't want her the way he does and yet the half hard erection under the towel told him different. 

_Andraste preserve him, Tabitha was right._

While they had been able to deny it so far, if either one pushed...Cullen shivered, pleasure moving over him like an electric shock. Glancing down he groaned, the towel very notably tented. He had to think of something quickly. Anything that would kill the desire that pulsed and pushed blood further into his cock. 

_Come on... give me something. Anything what could kill this..._

Then the image of Bull naked with Dorian and the Inquisitor came to the front. He had been looking for Dominic and had simply walked in just after they had finished... He looked down. Relief washed over him. The memory killing any pleasure he had. 

___Quickly he dressed the fabric scraping over his slightly sensitive skin. The shirt was plain white, the bottoms black. Nothing fancy and he liked it. He was a simple man and never really enjoyed much embellishment._ _ _

___Voices caught his ear as he opened the door. Singing echoing down the hall. Confused Cullen moved quietly down wondering if musicians had suddenly invaded the house while he bathed. He followed it, noticing the broken table from the night before was cleaned along with the blood. Men’s voices bounced off the walls along with a single female voice. The song was like nothing he knew and while rhythm was pleasing to the ear it was that single female that caught him._ _ _

___Passing through what must be the dinning room, he found another door leading to the kitchen. Standing in the doorway Cullen watched the fiery ball of energy that was Tabitha dance around the small cooking island in the middle of the room. Her voice being the the sirens call. Brown-blue curls bounced around her mid back, strength in her tone grabbing at him. Little invisible strings moving around him._ _ _

___She'd changed. The earlier outfit replaced with one far more conservative, her upper body now covered with a long sleeve blouse, it’s sleeve currently pushed up to her elbows. Her pants. though now covered her, did nothing to hide her shape as the material hugged her tightly. He watched as her hips sway suggestively to the song as the pace increased.  
No one else was in the house so he figured it must be some kind of odd magic. _ _ _

___Tabitha's head bobbed and bounced to the music her body moving each time the song picked up and slowed down. He found he liked it oddly enough, the mixture of sexy and causal._ _ _

___Leaning against the wood frame of the door, Cullen watched content with the moment._ _ _

___*****  
"It’s too hot, hot damn. Called a police and a fireman. I’m too hot, hot damn. Make a dragon wanna retire man..” Tabby sang swaying her hips and bouncing up and down as she was finishing off Cullen’s omelette. She hoped he liked it. Wondered a few times if there were in fact chickens in Dragon Age, only to concluded, as long as he didn’t have an allergic reaction it would be fine. _ _ _

___The beat picked up just as she placed the meal on the plate to her left. Then did a perfect pirouette to the sink before gracefully dumping the pan._ _ _

___“Come on, dance, jump on it. If you sexy then flaunt it. Well it’s Saturday night and we in the spot, Don’t believe me watch come on!” Getting into the groove she turned glancing toward the arch way leading from the dining room, fist in the air rocking out as was per-normal, but rather than it being empty there stood Cullen in all of his blonde hair, golden eyed glory. She hadn’t expected to see him so soon and let out a very girlish yelp, jumping back her hand landing for a second on the still hot stove._ _ _

___“Son of a bitch!” She snatched her hand away blowing on heel of her palm. Cullen was at her side within a second wrapping his large hand around her small wrist. The burn wasn’t bad only an angry looking red mark laid across the bottom part._ _ _

___“Are you alright?” He asked softly as he inspected her hand. While Cullen was fully clothed and not presenting any kind of sexy look, Tabby stared, hard. The shirt was a little tight around the shoulders and arms, but man did it define the rest of him. She’d seen his chest, but bless him he was even better looking in normal clothes. A soft chuckle forced her look him in the face._ _ _

___“Tabitha, you are giving me that look.”_ _ _

___“Look? What look?”_ _ _

___Cullen brushed back a loose piece of hair those amber eyes laughing at her._ _ _

___“The one where you it seems as if you might devour me at any moment.”_ _ _

___“I wouldn’t devour, maybe lick, yeah lick is a better term for what I want.” she said breathlessly._ _ _

___The heat that passed between them was scorching for a second, until it registered that the thought that was meant to be internal had once again made it’s way out of her lips. Gasping Tabby pulled away moving to the sink letting cold water wash over the burn._ _ _

_Damn him. Why does everything that is supposed to stay in my head have to slip out today? Honestly that's the third or fourth time in a few hours! Okay self no more internal monolog becoming external. The level of embarrassment is reaching new heights I’d rather not keep scaling._

___While she was arguing with herself, a presence loomed over her halting nearly all cognitive functions. Firm hands encasing her shoulders._ _ _

___“Tabitha-”_ _ _

___“I’m sorry. I know we agreed to behave, well not really I told myself that, but regardless I promise to curb the suggestive stuff, well try too, but you are incredibly good looking and those clothes… oh bad, bad brain, honestly I’ll be good, oh god i'm so rambling, okay 3, 2, 1, I’m done.”_ _ _

___“It’s quite alright.”_ _ _

___“You’re laughing at me.” She could feel him shaking with it from behind._ _ _

___“I would never.”_ _ _

___She turned back to him again and poked his chest._ _ _

___“You so are!”_ _ _

___Damn him and his teasing three times and her twice. She should have stayed facing the other way._ _ _

___Sunshine washed over him. A halo effect surrounding Cullens head, his locks of golden hair still wet and hanging in waves around his face. It shimmered and danced highlighting it in such a way that felt ethereal. _This is not fair…_ Tabby thought her heart would explode. Nerves just about set on fire._ _ _

___“Cullen…”_ _ _

___In a fantasy she would have grabbed his face in her hands and kiss him senseless, but she wasn’t in a fanfiction and she’d promised. Taking a calming and very deep breath, Tabby took a step back. Blocking out all the frustration of the past few years._ _ _

___“I made you breakfast. It’s nothing crazy just a veggie omelette. I also have some fruit if you don’t like it. Take the seat just behind you.”_ _ _

___Tabby worked diligently and finished with his plate, adding fruit and the little bit of salt and pepper to the top. The moment gave her enough time to calm down and allowed her to steel her nerves. Taking a vow not to be some creepy fangirl and just act normally._ _ _

___“I hope you like it. It’s been awhile since I cooked for anyone other than myself.” she sets it down with a smile and hands him a fork._ _ _

___“Will you not be joining me?” he asked as she reached the fridge. Tabby tried not to cringe or feel guilt. Trauma from all those years took many forms within her, not being able to eating in front of others being one. How could she tell Cullen that without sounding like a freak or a victim? Thinking quickly she grabbed one of her protein shakes and smiles toward him._ _ _

___“I drink my breakfasts, if you don’t mind that i’d still be happy to sit with you. I wanted to write a list out for tomorrow anyway.”_ _ _

___“A list for what?” He cut the egg with his fork bringing it cautiously to his lips. Tabby only stared. The scar above his lip doing the most wonderful things as it moved. Then she waited for his reaction, praying he wouldn’t hate it._ _ _

___His eyes widened just seconds before he nearly inhaled everything, the plate included. She couldn’t help laughing a little. She’d learned to cook thanks to her mother and being half Spanish always meant meals had a lot of flavor. Her father was okay at cooking most days until they would go camping and man oh man did he know how to make a meal over a fire. Fish and chicken were his signature and the grill at home was his domain. Anything her brother and she learned about the outdoors and survival was from father. Tabby smiled not having thought of her family in such a way for so long. Stepping forward she sat down to his left at the corner of island their knees brushing ever so slightly._ _ _

___"Glad to see you like my cooking."_ _ _

___"This is the best food I've had in weeks. I should kiss you for how good this tastes."_ _ _

_Yes please._

No, bad brain. _but-_ Damnit no. She would control her body and mind. She would be good and not molest the poor man, but the next words out of her mouth came without thought, again. 

____"I wouldn't make promise you don't intend to keep Commander."_ _ _ _

_Damn you sassiness! Go back to forgotten part of my brain you’ve been sleeping in for the last four years. she scolded cringing ever so slightly. Then realizing her internal fights, made her feel certifiable._

_____"Sorry, glad you like it and to answer your question before the list is all the things I'll need to get you while you're here. Clothes, stuff for the bath, hair, shoes, a coat, hat, gloves. It's winter and around here it drops below freezing a lot. You may need thermals to...hmm oh and I'll need to get a new phone."_ _ _ _ _

_____She tapped her finger on her lower lip. “I think I have an older one still in the house. Should hold me over until we go out tomorrow.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Lost in thought she hadn’t noticed that he was staring at her until she went to speak again, blushing ever so brightly, the burn raising from her neck to her ears. It was a feeling that was getting old quickly and she wished it would stop._ _ _ _ _

_____“Cullen?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Tabitha-I, about your...phone as you called it. I’m sorry for breaking it and,” He reached over, to touch her up arm where he’d handled her rough a little while before, and she jerked away. A nervous reaction still imbedded in her bones, “ hurting you…”_ _ _ _ _

_____For a long moment they just stared at each other. Brown eyes filled with guilt, while amber ones with questions. Cullen’s hand lingered in the air still until he pulled it back._ _ _ _ _

_____“Cullen, it’s okay. I know you didn’t mean too.” She rubbed the bruise hidden under the sleeve, smiling kindly, “Lets not dwell on it. You were upset and I didn’t really reveal things gently to you.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Tabby reached over, thankful there was no tremble, and took his hand squeezing it._ _ _ _ _

_____“Now, why don’t I show you around the house? There is one place I know you will like.”_ _ _ _ _

_____It took little bit of convincing, but soon he smiled enough to agree to follow her to the basement._ _ _ _ _

_____She knew it would be his favorite place to escape to as the dojo was as close to a training area as one could get in her world, inside a house of course, and she had everything a person would need. A punching bag, sparring area for hand to hand combat complete with a dummy; she even had practice swords made of bamboo. Tabby did have a handmade Katana that her father had made the day she turned sixteen, but didn’t learn to really use it until after Danny’s death. It was hidden in her room though. Along with her collection of daggers. Yeah she wouldn’t be revealing that side of herself just incase he thought it odd or a freak._ _ _ _ _

_Idiot you realize this is Cullen, right? Commander of the Inquisition, man who is friends with a warrior and a rouge spymaster._

_____Standing in the ‘ring’ she attempted to not fidget. Really hoping he didn’t turn down the request she was about to make._ _ _ _ _

_____“So I may not be anywhere near your level in skill with a sword, but,” Tabby stood before him, losing her battle and fidgeting under his gaze. He was most definitely assessing her the way he would a recruit._ _ _ _ _

_____“I don’t see why not. Would you mind showing me quickly what you know?”_ _ _ _ _

_____Swallowing she nodded. Sakura, her practice sword, laid carefully on next to the others. Breathing slowly, the world around her dropped away, the dummy, secretly named Danny, the only object in view, but Tabby was keenly aware of the rest of the room. Never having someone in the room when practicing, she found she could hear his heartbeat. Calm, never wavering, the model warrior. She takes a deep breath, lowers her stants and strikes. The dummy beeping each time she lands a critical or killing blow. As she takes her last hit she spins around and faces Cullen, straightens and ‘sheathed’ her sword at her hip._ _ _ _ _

_____A mechanical voice fills the room, “Critical hits, 15. Kills, 15. Over all damage, 30.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“And you need me for?”_ _ _ _ _

_____Laughing she lays the sword back in its spot._ _ _ _ _

_____“I normally practice on my own. I haven’t trained with anyone for a good while now.” She bit her lip, nerves starting to flair up. “Cullen, I have fears… one’s that I need to work on. You train men and woman, raw recruits. While I know as a Commander you’re tough, I need help.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Tabitha,” he moved to stand close that the fresh scent of soap filled her nose, “Someone hurt you didn’t they, a man, a powerful one I’m going to guess from the way you attacked that dummy.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Deliberately slow he reach up, cupping her cheek, his thumb running across her cheek. “I Won’t ask who or what happened, but if you know as much as I believe you do about me. You’ll know I’m a good listener and understand what it’s like to tormented.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Tabby couldn’t stop it, the need to hug him more than she could bare._ _ _ _ _

_____“Tabitha?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Just let me do this. I do know what you went through at the circle and have wanted to do this for years. And you’re right, if there is anyone that understand pain close to my own it’s you.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Saving to hell with her promise, Tabby kissed just under his jaw. The stubble tickling her lips._ _ _ _ _

_____Warm, strong arms circled her shoulders. Neither seeming to want to let go first._ _ _ _ _

_____A loud buzzing noise filled the room, a signal system to let her know when someone was at her door. Tabby turned her head toward the monitor, still not letting Cullen go._ _ _ _ _

_____“Miss Amell, are you home?” The faces of Eddie and Sam fill the screen. They knew if she didn’t answer the door after a minute or two that she was in the basement._ _ _ _ _

_____“Who are they?” One of his hands had somehow entangled it’s in her hair, running through it gently. Tabby almost moaned._ _ _ _ _

_____“Those are the neighborhood boys. They shovel my sidewalk and driveway whenever it snows. They know I’m always up by now.” heart racing she gripped the back of his shirt tightly. In the game Cullen was shy and slow to, well, everything. Flirting with him took forever and getting to point of sex was just as long. Yet the man before her, seemed far more sure of himself in his touches. Game Cullen was far easier to imagine handling, yet this was more intense than she originally thought._ _ _ _ _

_____“Miss Amell?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“I have to answer them.” regretting quickly pulling away from his warmth. “Hey boys, give me a minute and I’ll be right up.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Turning back she, Tabby bit her lip. “They’re good boys trying to help out their mom while their father is deployed overseas. It’s hard to make ends meet when you’re a soldier's wife. She does what she can, but sometimes things get rough. The boys work around the neighborhood, cutting grass or shoveling snow.” Pointing to the stares, she started to move. “I should get going, please take more of a look around while I-”_ _ _ _ _

_____The movement in the mirror was a blurr, but the arms she’d just left now held her close around the waist. Warm puffs of breath tickled her neck, his nose buried just under her jaw. No words were spoken, though it wasn’t needed. Tabby raised her arms, palms resting flat on his upper back, hugging him back just as tightly._ _ _ _ _

_____Then she was moving up the stairs quickly. Cursing at how easily they found themselves breaking their rule. The energy between them was becoming more dangerous to avoid. Where she once lived in fear, he now filled her world, in just a day, with enough light to blind. With careful movements, Tabby placed on her snow boots and heavy wool sweater. Praying for the gods to give her strength against him and the attraction._ _ _ _ _

_____****  
Cullen watched her with the boys from the window in the livingroom. His fists tightening and relaxing over and over. _ _ _ _ _

______Maker’s breath… that had been close._ _ _ _ _ _

_____In fact he was hard for her, the light scent of peppermint and lavender clung to his nose making him flinch as another pulse of need plummeted below his navel. When she had flinched away from his touch, it had hurt to know he’d placed that fear in her, until they’d gone to the basement._ _ _ _ _

_____His stomach twisted as he remember that split second look of terror. How many times had the man touched her in such a way for that to still be embedded in her? It forced Cullen to think back on all he heard and saw, before a suspect came forward, but if it was who he thought. Cullen couldn’t get the satisfaction of beating the crap out of him. And then for her to reach out and place her hand over his, the hand that had hurt her so short a while ago, to allow him to touch her at all... it broke something in him. That wall of self control, he was known for, shattered when she’d looked up at him, kissed his jaw. In so few words told him she trusted him by asking him to train her. He couldn’t stop from holding her close, if nothing more then to show he understood her pain his own way. The kiss she placed on his jaw gentle and innocent._ _ _ _ _

_____Cullen wanted more in that moment. Running his hand through her hair nearly killed him mentally. Wondering how long strands would feel gliding over his chest, curtaining around his face as she lowers herself down to kiss him._ _ _ _ _

_____She wasn't immune to the desire, he could see that much, feel it whenever they got too close. It was odd to be the aggressor, when so often he tended to shy away from the female sex in a romantic sense. Groaning he pressed the heel of his hand down on himself. Begging it to calm down. Whatever was going on between them was dangerous. Not in just a physical way, but an emotional one._ _ _ _ _

_____A sound so beautiful and joyous penetrated the glass window. One of the boys had thrown a snowball missing Tabitha, she retaliated, but missed hitting the other brother in the side of the head. Cullen chuckled under this breath, when both red headed boys passed a look between them and pushed her into the snow. The thin layers of her clothing soaking up all the water. She whelped and chased after one of them._ _ _ _ _

_____He wondered if what he was seeing was the old Tabithia. The version of her before the damage had been done to her spirit. Sighing he backed away from the window. He need a moment of quiet as a headache started to form. Worrying about her was clearly similar to his worry for the Inquisitor, but far more passionate._ _ _ _ _

_____Walking back toward the guest room, Cullen really looked around. More motivational words were everywhere. Little notes on a table with the letter w.w.c.d on few. As he ventured down the hallway way a door at the end caught his eye. How he had missed it before was astonishing. Painted in endless swirls of purples, blues, and reds, it was reminded him of some of the works Solas had done. The handle to the door caught his eye, as he was almost sure it was made of crystal the way it shimmered and made rainbows when the light caught it._ _ _ _ _

_____Curious, he moved toward the door. Something calling for him to enter and Cullen’s breath stopped short, his heart joining it._ _ _ _ _

_____The room was wall to wall paintings. Color assaulted his senses and filled him with an overwhelming sensation of joy and wonder. The room was a mess, completed and half finished pieces scattered everywhere, paint brushes of every size and shape all over the place, tarps, esils of every size filled, paints of all types and shades. The room small and yet felt large. Light filtered through the floor to ceiling windows off to his right. Landscapes, flowers, portraits, everything was there, but it was a large piece hanging on the far wall that tightened his chest._ _ _ _ _

_____The scene was one he knew well, had wanted to revisit many times since he’d returned to his home country. Every detail of it perfect. He felt as if he was there. The cool air, the soft movement of water as it pushed against the old wood dock. The fresh scent of trees and flowers came to him and for the first time since he fell through to this world, he wasn’t worried._ _ _ _ _

_____Cullen reached out touching the form of himself on the dock. A serene look on his face, as he leans forward on his bent knee, the other leg dangling in the water. He wasn’t in armor, but simple clothes. his boots placed just next to him and what looked like a mabari._ _ _ _ _

_____Amazing. The sketchbook he had found did no justice to the talent placed in this one painting._ _ _ _ _

_____“I see you found my happy place.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“It certainly radiates the feeling well.”_ _ _ _ _

_____That joyous sound bounces off the walls and fills him up again as she steps forward to stand beside to him._ _ _ _ _

_____“It wasn’t, and still isn’t always like this, but I’m glad to know you’ve caught me during a good spell,” he could feel her eyes on him as he studied her work, “This is my favorite piece. The company that made the game of your world having offered a lot of money for it.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Yet it remains, why?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Sentimental value.”_ _ _ _ _

_____He turned to her and saw the raw love for the work, but there was something else. What it was he couldn’t figure out._ _ _ _ _

_____“Are there more?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Of you?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Of my world.”_ _ _ _ _

_____She nodded and motioned for him to follow her to a corner with a small stack of painting sat. Everything and everyone was there. Landscapes of Skyhold, Ferelden, Kirkwall, Redcliff. Portraits of Varric, Leliana, Dorian, Solas, Bull, Sera, Blackwall, and more than a few of himself. But there was one that caught him. It was small, could go unnoticed easily. A woman dressed in a flowing white dress, most likely Tabitha, was reaching out, demons pulling at her skirts ankles and wrist, toward him. A figure with light surrounding him, he reached for her, their fingers just barely touching. A look of desperation on her face, his filled with determination to reach her. It was beautiful and haunting._ _ _ _ _

_____He turned, she was bent over searching for more works, and maker help him, he couldn’t help but stare. She had a great backside, firm and soft, amazing for grabbing._ _ _ _ _

_____He shook his head._ _ _ _ _

_____“May I keep this one?”_ _ _ _ _

_____He held it up for her to see, those large cinnamon eyes widening. It obviously was not something she expected him to find._ _ _ _ _

_____“Tabitha?”_ _ _ _ _

_____Blinking she nodded, a flush darkening the tops of her cheeks._ _ _ _ _

_____Cullen smirked, enjoying the effect he had on her, more then he should._ _ _ _ _

_____After she showed him around the house. The garage held the car they would be riding in tomorrow, the back yard, though covered in snow was described to him of what it looked like in spring and finally her library which was extensive, from Military history to romance novels. Time moved so quickly as they learned to speak a little more easier with each that it was already lunch. He noticed she didn’t eat again really, but picked at her meal after bringing the boys outside something. Cullen wondered if she was nervous to be in the room again after what had happened before. Yet, when he asked she told him no, that she wasn’t really all that hungry and pushed her food toward him. He would have protested, but the boys had returned, finally finished with removing the snow. Tabitha paid them with strange paper and hugged them before sending them back home._ _ _ _ _

_____Once lunch was finished Tabby went hunting for the other phone she had mentioned. The thing beeping and chiming half a dozen times once she had turned it on. Cullen thought he was going insane each time._ _ _ _ _

_____“Tabitha?” he looked over to her, curled up in a chair much like the one Dorian had in the library of Skyhold. The blasted contraption on the table beside the chair went off again. She look up from her book._ _ _ _ _

_____“Hmm?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Please, make that thing stop with the noise.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Are you okay?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Just a headache, but that sound is making it worse.” he said pinching the bridge of his nose._ _ _ _ _

_____“Dummy, why didn’t you say you had one?”_ _ _ _ _

_____She did something to the phone and it quickly went silent. Then her hands were on him. Cullen looked up._ _ _ _ _

_____“Tabitha.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Relax, I’m not attacking you.”_ _ _ _ _

_____She began to rub his temples, the pain easing. He sighed in pleasure, pulling her closer to rest his head against her chest.._ _ _ _ _

_____“Cullen. Behave.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“I have done nothing.” he murmured._ _ _ _ _

_____“Yet, now wait here. I want to give you something that will help.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“What you were doing was fine.” fingers twitched on her hips. Between the bliss of not hurting and Tabby’s scent filling his head. Cullen didn’t want to part from her now._ _ _ _ _

_____She laughed, moving away while he tried to pull her back._ _ _ _ _

_____“I’ll bet, but you know staying this close isn’t smart.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Something mischievous in his fluttered to life._ _ _ _ _

_____“Awe, and here I thought you’d enjoyed feeling me pressed against you.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Tabby had made it to the arch way when he’d said that her hand shooting out to grip around the trimming. She looked over her shoulder at him._ _ _ _ _

_____“You are so evil…”_ _ _ _ _

_____Cullen barked out a laugh and he saw her smile. While before had them just holding one another, he knew her mind would picture something else. The comfort level between them was growing far more quickly in a day then he had ever experienced before in his life. Even his trust in the inquisitor had taken months to fully form._ _ _ _ _

_____When she returned, it was with a bottle of water and what looked like two small mints._ _ _ _ _

_____"They are pills, medicine is inside them, you swallow it down with some water and hopefully in a few mins the headache will be gone."_ _ _ _ _

_____Sceptical, he did as she instructed, while she went back to the kitchen. This time returning with something with that was finally familiar even to him, tea._ _ _ _ _

_____“It smells like you.” It was an offhand comment on his part, but the fact it left her stumbling over her own words. Made him smile as he took a sip._ _ _ _ _

_____“I, well, yeah, I guess I do like the scent,” he watched her shift from one foot to the other, “I normally don’t take anything for headaches, just drink some peppermint tea and try to relax. If it gets worse is when I take something. I want to see what works best for you. So I’m giving both. The tea gives off a soft scent that will ease the pain quickly while the medicine takes it time to work its way into your bloodstream.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Cullen should question anything she gave him, but to get rid of the pain he was willing to try any means. Deep in thought over events of the day and Tabitha, it took him a moment to realize. The pain was gone and his fever... he felt... normal. As in before Lyrium normal._ _ _ _ _

_____“Maker’s breath this could help so many in Templars.”_ _ _ _ _

_____She shook her head._ _ _ _ _

_____“They would then only become addicted to these and in excess the medicine could kill.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Seems as if everything has a price to pay for taking it.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“You have no idea.”_ _ _ _ _

_____****  
Soon it was time for dinner and Tabby was listening to that same song again dancing and moving about the kitchen, while making something called, tacos. _ _ _ _ _

_____Though he didn’t understand the meaning of some of the words a few of the lines made him laugh._ _ _ _ _

_____Tabby turned to him. “Are you laughing at me again?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“No, but I just realized who this song reminds me of.”_ _ _ _ _

_____She smirked._ _ _ _ _

_____“Dorian?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“How did you know?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Because I thought the same thing the first time I heard it. He’s very eccentric.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“That is putting it mildly.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Cullen.”_ _ _ _ _

_____She scolded him lightly, the playful tone not having left her as she handed him a plate.An identical one before her._ _ _ _ _

_____“What? It is true and you know it. Also what in the Maker’s name is this and how to I even eat it?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“It’s a taco, Cullen- and stop looking at it like it will eat you. Ground turkey, veggies, cheese, and sour cream. I laid off the spicy stuff today just incase you didn’t like it,” He saw her hesitate, before picking up the food, “ this one is a hard taco and the other is soft. Try the soft first…” She picked up the one she pointed out. Looked to him and back down before taking a bite. Cullen mimicked her and thought he’d died and gone to the Maker’s side. Magical flavors burst over his tongue, some he recognized, but the rest were foreign and yet fantastic. Moaning he devoured every bite quickly._ _ _ _ _

_____When finished he looked to her. The food still on her plate. It bothered him again to see that and when she pushed it toward him, found it took a lot to hold down his irritation. This meant she’d gone without a meal all day._ _ _ _ _

_____“Tabitha, when was the last time you ate today?”_ _ _ _ _

_____What looked like panic flickered across her face, before turning calm._ _ _ _ _

_____“Well just now, if we are being technical.”_ _ _ _ _

_____He rose from his seat to round the island. She stepped back. Cullen faltering for a second. He didn’t want to frighten her or push too hard, but he wasn’t going to sit there and not let her eat again. Pulling the plate forward, he decided the best way was coax her into eating it. He just need to remember to stay in control._ _ _ _ _

_____“Tabitha,” he moved forward trapping her between him the island, a hot flush quickly going to her cheeks, “ Will you not eat with me? It really is rather lonely.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Cullen.” It was a warning._ _ _ _ _

_____The push needed to be gentler. He touched her throat with the tips of his fingers, her eyes lowered half away._ _ _ _ _

_____“I need you to eat Tabitha. I’ve watched you all day avoid or ignore it. You need to keep up your energy. After sparring with the dummy and running around with the boys, you’ve exerted more energy then you have put into your body. While I wouldn’t mind carrying you around,” For reasons was most certainly keeping to himself, “It is best if you just eat. Also… I like watching you cook. I want to know you enjoy your food as much as I do.”_ _ _ _ _

_____What looked like a smug smirk tilted those beautifully full lips._ _ _ _ _

_____“You’ve only had three meals.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Three of the best. When you live on just rations out on the Plains or nug meat for weeks on end. What you have been giving me it like what we would feed royalty.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Thank you for the compliment.” She placed her hand on one of the arms caging her in, rubbing it from wrist to elbow. “I have… problems with eating in front of people. So doing it because you want me to isn’t easy. If you only understood how big it was to take a bite out of it. I can’t just eat out right yet, but I promise I am trying. It’s just complicated.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Sighing he watched her and knew he couldn’t push anymore. Then he thought of something._ _ _ _ _

_____“So if I was to leave the room for say a couple minutes, that food,” points to their dinner, “would be gone and in your belly?”_ _ _ _ _

_____A spark lit, he watched it take flame. Tabitha bit her lip and swayed her head to and fro._ _ _ _ _

_____“Hypothetically, yes, that could happen.”_ _ _ _ _

_____He nodded._ _ _ _ _

_____“Interesting… you know I believe I left something in the guest room. Please excuse me.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Cullen was just turning when soft lips brushed his jaw. I whispered thank you reaching his ear. One day, he’d been in his world. One…. Maker help him. She was right in trying to avoid an attachment, but, Maker’s breath, was it hard. Anything more this could, would, break him when they finally found a his way home._ _ _ _ _


	4. The Outing (Part one)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been two days and it's Finally time to take Cullen out into the world! Only just getting ready seems to be a challenge for these two. (Warning! there mention/flashback of abuse)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I never noticed how MASSIVE chapter four really was until I started to edit. I wrote it over vacation and felt a lot shorter then it was. Now I refuse to make you wait any longer so I broke it up into two parts. The second half will be longer, but at least it's something. 
> 
> <3's to everyone for Kudo's and comments!

Crossing the kitchen, to the open doorway to library Tabby leaned against the frame. 

"Cullen?" 

"Yes?" He asks looking up at her from his book, sitting comfortably in his chair. It had been two days since he'd arrived in her world. Another storm having passed through and keeping them locked in the house. They were both getting a little antsy. The close proximity,especially at night, was killing her slowly. She needed to get them out of the house and buy him his own things. Forcing him to wear Danny's old clothes was bringing back memories she would have rather have forgotten. 

***Just moments before, she’d gone back into her closet and pulled out the unmarked box. Around her felt as if a dark cloud formed in the room, the air thin, making it hard to breath. 

_Quick and painless, like a band aid._

Hesitating for a second, she rips open the box pulling a long sleeve black shirt, and tan cargo pants out tossing them on the bed. Normally she would have just closed the damn thing, but large white and red letters halt her actions.

**Property of a U.S. Marine and if I don't kick your ass, he will.**

_He raises his fist, it connects to her cheek. A kick to the ribs as she lays on the floor. Her own voice echoing for him to stop, swearing to never do whatever had angered him this time. His disgusting blue eyes bare down as he yanks back her head by her hair, calling her fat, embarrassing, a sad excuse for a soldier, that the army would just take anyone. The next day came the flowers, apologies, and promises._

Bail burned her throat in warning before her head was resting against the toilet seat. She vomited twice, the vial images taking their time to disappear back to their darkened home in her mind. Tears slipped down her cheeks, nose stuffy. 

"Damn it." 

Taking four more minutes to brush her teeth again and fix her face. Tabby stared into the mirror. Eyes red, swollen, wet from tears. _Breathe. He’s not here. You are safe. You are strong._ Erasing any evidence something was wrong took a few more of those breaths and maybe a couple more splashes of cold water.***

Now she stood in the doorway of the library staring at the man she'd loved for years. Eyes as innocent, mischievous, and devilish as she'd ever thought possible watched her in question. 

"Looks like today's the day for us to finally get you your own things. I put some clothes for you to change into your room and I have a jacket you can borrow. You can wear the boots you arrived in, but we'll get you different ones."

"Tabitha you don't need to do this."

"Don't be silly. You can't keep wearing what I'm giving you. Besides I figured you'd want to get out of the house and see more of my world." 

It was a split second, but Tabby saw the nervous fear cross his face. Like a cool balm to her pains, she moved forward, taking the book from his hands and setting it down, kneeling before him taking his hands and putting them to her cheeks. 

"Feel that?" 

"What?"

"Me," sliding his hand into hers, "I'm here with you. I won't let anything happen and if you become overwhelmed we will come home I promise."

Cinnamon stared into amber, quiet understanding passing between them. His fingers tighten around hers lifting them to his mouth, “Alright,” he said against her skin, warm breath tingling over her skin. Tabby was glad she was already on the ground or she would have swooned. 

They separated to their own rooms, Tabby officially naming it his, the day before. She’d wanted to make it more to his liking, moving a few of her painting to the room, Skyhold and the lake being his favorites. She’d also moved a few of her things out such as her computer and more ‘girly’ items. The desk remained, but was moved to look like his old office did. Desk in the middle, book shelves on either side, the bed moved to the opposite side so even as you enter the room you see the desk first, bed hidden behind the door. And she didn’t know how but his desk looked just like one in the game, piled high with papers, notes, books on military literature and history of this world. 

the other day had also granted him the discovery that she was a soldier. While they had been moving things he found her old box of gear and a photo of her old team. 

_"You were a soldier?"_

_"I still am. Only not how you would think. I’m an Army nurse. I work with and take care of wounded and recovering soldiers. I don’t live on base, but just on the outskirts.”_

_“So, you’re a healer that goes out into combat?”_

_“No… I stay and work with veterans. I did go into the the field for one tour... but that's not something I’d like to talk about."_

_"I understand. You look different here."_

_"I was about 15 pounds lighter and you only like it because I'm in combat gear. Every man's a sucker for the uniform."_

_"I could say the same to you."_

_"Touché."_

He wasn’t wrong. Seeing him in his armor was as close to pure bliss as she’s gotten to in a long time. Just thinking about him in it got her all hot and bothered as she started to change. It was still nipple biting cold, but warmer than the last few days. While she normally wore less pretty undergarments, the last few days she couldn't with Cullen here. It wasn’t that she needed to wear her nicer garments, but that she wanted too. Being around him made her feel, well, pretty and she wanted to match that. Only currently she was in a bit of a pickle. Every, beautiful, matching pair she owned, the all of four she had hidden away, was now laid out on the bed. 

"Hot pink, red, black or violet?" The red and black had always told herself would have been saved for more intimate moments, though she never wore them for Danny. He, as her best friend Dezzi would say, was never worthy, even before he'd turned into a complete monster. Cullen was different and thinking of him made the smile returned to her full lips. Eyes landed on the hot pink lacy demi bra and panties, it would be so scandalous...

"Hot pink it is." 

The silk and lace cuddled her large breasts, the lace boy shorts allowing the bottom of her voluptuous backside to show. Oh yeah he’d passout if he ever- 

"Tabitha? Do you happen to-" 

Oh god...

Whipping around there Cullen stood at the door frozen, one hand holding it open while the other fist around black fabric, all but for his eyes moved raking over her body heat building, eyes dilating fast. Tabby didn't know what to do. Her first reaction should have been to scream and throw things at him, yet there she was ogling his bare chest again. All that battle harden muscle rippling and moving as he breathed. The light dusting of hair traveling down well to abs, narrowing and disappearing into his pants. A breathy moan escaped her lips. He was hard, she could see it. 

Damn him! Why does he do this to her? The past couple days they had been relatively good. The heated looks staying more in the lukewarm stages. The touches staying in a friendly way… Now, now he looked like he was about to eat her alive and lord only knows what he saw in hers. 

Taking a shaky breath she quickly turned her back grabbing at her clothes, hands shaking just trying to get into the dark blue skinny jeans, white tank and her comfiest oversized knitted sweater. 

"You needed something Cullen?" She asked glancing at him from over her shoulder just as her tank top covered her upper body. 

_Play it cool Tabby, play it cool._

"Um, well, the-" he coughs, " the shirt you have me, it's um a little tight, not horribly so." 

"It's supposed to be," she says laughing lightly, "We'll get you things more to your taste." 

_Yes laugh it off! Don’t let him see you’re still freaking out and just about ready to jump his bones._

It took a moment before she heard him start to put the shirt on and Tabby blessed his maker to the moon and back, until she turned around. The shirt clung to him like a second skin. She was speechless. Her inner voice was even silent. Swallowing down the lump in her throat, Tabby smiled.

"Come on Commander. Time for me to show you off to the world. I wonder if I should bring a stick, I have a feeling I'll need to beat off more than a few woman." 

He rolled his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair. Did he really not understand how devastatingly handsome he was? Yeah in the game it was hinted at, but she never assumed he didn’t know. Then it hit her, the little thing that had seemed off.

"Cullen, wait a second." 

She ran to her bathroom. The hair wax she'd had kept for her brother buried somewhere under the sink. 

"Aha!" 

Upon returning, Tabby ignored that Cullen had moved far into the room and was staring at the three other sets underwear. The red one seeming to really hold his attention. Climbing on the bed to kneel she motioned him forward. 

"Stand here. I have something that will make you happy." 

He snorted. She glared. 

"Smartass. I don't mean like that. Now come." 

She saw his mouth move and knew he was biting off another reaction. Huffing a little Tabby opened the container. 

"Honestly, I figured I would have noticed this cheeky side of you more when playing the game. You are far more shy in there then you are here." She started smoothing back his curls. The Cullen she'd met the day he fell through her ceiling returning slowly. 

His hands went to her waist. Flexing each time she had to pull him forward. 

“I know these have been driving you crazy the last couple days.” 

They were face to face in this position and man did it kill her to be this close and have to hold back. Their lips were perfectly lined up… she could kiss him now without problem. Only there was a problem; they both knew it too. 

Working in the product to calm down the curls took a little time, but once done, he was Cullen, the sexy man of her fantasies. Tabby smiled at him. 

“Go on and look.” 

It took him a minute, some internal fighting going on behind his eyes before he let go and walked to her vanity. He played with his hair then looked at her through the mirror a full blown smile curving his lips. She realized then that while he’d smirked and laughed a few times, this was pure undiluted happiness lighting up his face. Making him look at least seven years younger. Stress lines vanished from around his eyes, a small throaty laugh escaping. 

“This is great, I can hardly feel anything is in it. Think I can steal a box of that when I return home?”

And just like a hammer smashing through glass, the moment was gone. The reminder he could, and would, leave at anytime filling her head. Pushing a smile to her lips, Tabby nodded. 

“Of course. Um, I’m going to finish getting ready in the bathroom. I’ll meet you in the living room.”

Practically running into the bathroom, Tabby locked the door and sat down on the tub. Feeling as if someone had punched into her chest and squeezed her heart. Her eyes even burned it hurt so much. The man whom she’d dreamed of for years, wasn’t hers to keep. Whatever fantasy land she had hoped to live in was fleeting. Their was a time limit to this whole deal, only neither of them knew how long. While she wished he would stay, she knew he had to go back. 

Sighing, she did her make up light, put on her charm bracelet and filled all of wholes in her ears, having gone without them for three days. She may look no where near as hot as Cullen, but she could look at least presentable. Happy with almost everything she left the room ready for their adventure.


	5. The Outing (Part Two)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for the Commander to go shopping at the mall. It should have been fun, but things get rocky. Feeling and desires are pushed to new heights and Tabby learns a fun knew fact about her leading mans body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAAAAAAAY! I finally finished this. It needed some editing and while I know there's bound to be mistakes it 10 times better then it was. This does have mention of emotional abuse and some very heated moments. Not really smut, but close with all the touching. 
> 
> Again thank you for all the Kudo's and comments! 
> 
> And special thanks to Fandora who gave me an Anders chapter in series Breaking Down. This is for you :D

Tabby saved the mall for the end, having taken him to CVS for his basic bathroom essentials, and At&t to get him added onto her line and replacing her phone. He stayed glued to her side the whole time, but was fascinated all the same. Cullen's phone was as simple as one could get for a phone. He only needed to make phone calls and her number was the only one he had. She taught him how to use the phone and made him memorize her number, which only took one try, and then made her number 1 on his speed dial. Tabby laughed when he apologized again for breaking her phone promising not to do it again after seeing her pay 200 dollars to replace it. The ride in the car hadn’t gone as bad as she thought either. After explaining that it was a essentially a metal carriage that moves without a conventional horse, but a metal one under the hood. 

Of course once at the mall, even on a weekday it was a nightmare finding parking. Thankfully Macy’s was always the most empty and their first stop. 

"What is this place?" 

"A very large market, essentially. Different stores fill the building. Lots of people come here everyday. I won't lie it maybe a little overwhelming." 

"I think if I can handle a mass of Orlesians this place will be fine." 

"Okay, but it's easy get separated so, well, if you don't mind I'll probably hold onto your arm every once in a while. Just so I don’t lose you."

He'd been staring out the window the whole conversation and only turned at her comment. There was no heated gaze, but a hint of pink broke out across his cheeks and up to his ears. It was so cute to see him like this again and it made her realize, alone, he was bold and mischievous, in public he tended to be more shy and nervous. 

A tightness in her chest spread out, fingers itching to touch him. She loved him, had for two years, wanted him in such a way that if she wasn’t careful everything would burst out. Smiling softly she allowed her hand to extend and brush her thumb lightly over his red cheeks.

"Come on Commander, let's get you some new clothes."  
***

Macy's was quiet in the men's section, they'd walked around for a bit, she really was just letting him grab things he liked. Only having to no and hell no to two very ugly coats that she understood reminded him of his coat, but god help her they were uglier then sin with the fur linings. It took her a full minute with crossing of her arms and giving her best ‘hell no face’ to get him to back down. They did find him one eventually that was perfect, grey with tan stitching, it looked handmade and even had the fake fur lining around the hood.   
With that taken care of they went to the clothing section. Thankfully Tabby had a decent savings put aside for an emergency, so it was easy to let him get a few good things to hold I'm over until he had to go back. Walking around it was oddly peaceful just being together in this way, having fun, at least it would have been. 

The woman working in the department changed all that, they having taken notice of Cullen the second they entered the area. Skinny,creepily so, little things that looked like they had just reached drinking age, but really they were... perfect... everything. Makeup, hair, bodies and style. They reminded her of the Stepford wives, including the way they pounced on him like a hot cake just out of the frying pan. Tabby knew if they had the choice they would have done more then simply ignore and glare her; damn if they weren’t trying to erase her existence. Thankfully the force of not strong with them and Cullen, bless the men, looked for her opinion forcing them to remember she came with him. They had had a good arm full of clothes before the evil twins arrived, now they had huge pile that took both her and Cullen to carry of to the changing room.   
_This is going to take forever._

Taking a deep breath Tabby went through the clothes, separating the crap the twins had picked to what she and Cullen had found and originally knew he would like. 

"Okay, why not take these first-" 

"Oh sweetie you can't have him put those on together. Here do this and this, and this." The tall, longer haired one with very fake boobs said, pulling out the three items he'd made faces at, but took to be polite.

"Oh no, girl have him try this, and this. Show off all that muscle." The other short haired, virtual twin chimed in. 

Biting down on her lip, forcing three deep breaths in and out, Tabby looked to Cullen. He didn't want to try anything they gave him, could read that plain as day on his face, but he was too much of a gentleman to say no. Smiling as sweetly as she could, looked at the both. 

"Thank you ladies, but I think Cullen and I can handle it from here-" 

"Oh no, it's our pleasure. Now go on." 

"Tabitha- “

"Don't keep us waiting, go on." 

They pushed Cullen into the dressing room area. Tabby sat down crossing her arms and legs glaring daggers into backs. About ready to punch them both out for being grade A assholes. 

"Being a bit pushy aren't we ladies." 

"Just giving him options. You obviously aren't doing it for him." 

One sculpted eyebrow raised slowly at the Siamese bimbos. She wasn't going to dignify them with anymore of a response knowing she'd end up kicking both their asses and getting herself arrested for killing them. _So wishing I knew magic right about now, light both of them on fire._

Cullen exited the dressing room, midway through her fantasy and while she may venomously dislike those two hussies, the outfit they picked fit him perfectly in size. Dark, straight leg, blue jeans hugged his hips and butt like a glove. The white button up shirt wasn’t bad, it was the navy fitted blazer that made him look like a hipster. _Poor thing, he looks insanely uncomfortable._

"Oh my god, you look amazing!" one of them screeched. 

_Oh god, I think my ear drum just popped._ Touching her ear she checked for blood. The high pitch having the potential to knock out a Durffalo. 

"Oh, oh! Wait a second. Here put this-" 

Cullen jerked back when one of them tried put a ridiculous fedora hat on his head. Tabby snickered into her hand. Their eyes met a glitter of amusement flickered in his just before something far more heated. 

"Thank you, but I don't wear hats. What do you think, love?"

"I think you look silly in those pants, the shirts good, if not a little stuffy for your taste and just no to the blazer." 

He was ignoring their "helpers". Eyes focused completely on her. Heat raced up her neck and low in her belly. Forcing her to shift around in the chair. She was wet could feel it soaking her silk underwear. _Damn him_

Cullen took the five steps, having read her like an open book, his very noticeably large frame over shadowing her seated form. Bending at the waist one of his hands reaches out capturing the back of her skull, tugging lightly on her loose hair. Soft lips captured hers mid gasp, his tongue rushing forward, dominating over her own. Tabby couldn't stop the throaty moan, gripping the front of his shirt to make sure this wasn't a dream. Their first kiss... _Oh god he tasted fantastic_ All that masculine strength and vulnerability twisting together. She clamped her legs tighter together, the natural function to open them and accept all that was Cullen begging to be released. 

Vaguely two disgusted voices and heels walking away muffled in the background of the blood rushing in her ears. Cullen continuing to feed off her mouth. _You’re in public…_ her logical side warned. PDA’s like this weren’t her thing, but damn did it feel good. Smiling she pushed lightly at his chest, nipping at his lower lip. Panting, he returned the smile against her lips.

"They're gone." she whispered.

"Thank the Maker." He kissed her once more, soundly, before straightening. She bit her lip, gliding her tongue over the swollen flesh hoping to find his taste still there. She wanted him, badly. Ignoring the burning need between her thighs Tabby pulled out the clothes they had picked out together. _Distractions are good._

"Here, try these on and bring out whatever they gave you." 

He started to remove the blazer and shirt. Jumping up she grabbed at his hands.

"In the changing room!" 

He laughed clearly getting her to do just as he wanted, leaning forward to kiss her again. 

"Mmm. I've been waiting days to do that." 

"Behave yourself, Commander." 

"No." He whispers against her mouth. One of his arms cleverly snaking around, his hand settling on her lower back. Frozen she watched his eyes blow out more, lust darkening his cheeks. 

“Oh god… Cullen, people can see.” she gasped, his hand reaching under her oversized sweater. The other pulling on the loose neckline to nibble at her neck, his very obvious hard on pressing against her stomach. 

“If I could I would push you against that wall and take you until you screamed my name. Filled you and fucked you until nearth of us could stand it. Damn it woman, in three days you have driven me to near rutting status. I want you. I need you.” 

“Cullen, I, this isn’t the right place to talk about this.”

He nipped her neck, clearly not liking her answer. Chuckling, because making light of his confession was all she could do, Tabby pushed him back needing room to breath. Once at arm's length, she found the air less thin. Playfully she turned back to the clothes waving her hand toward the changing rooms. 

"Go on you big cave man. I'll bring you the clothes." 

That infamous smirk that litters the internet flashed her way and Tabby felt her knees buckling. When he rounded the corner she needed to sit back down. 

Alone finally her mind and body freaked out. He kissed her... Cullen kissed HER. How was she supposed to handle that? The man of her dreams just told her he wanted to pin her to a wall and fuck her senseless… Reaching into her bag she pulls out her phone needing to text someone, anyone. None of her friends would believe her, Markus would ask too many damn questions... Oh! 

**/Momma, I need your help. Just kissed a man built like a Greek God. He’s even more handsome than Papa./**

**/Oh I wouldn't let your father hear that lol. He quite proud to know he's the most handsome man in our lives. Is this young man your bring over?/**

**/He is. Momma... If you knew you don't have much time with papa and you both understood that he’d have to leave at any moment. Would it be right to keep cautious, keep your distance?/**

**/That depends. I loved you father the moment our eyes met. I knew he was the one. All I can say is, if he's worth the pain, even a little bit of time is better than nothing at all./**

She did love him and while the pain of losing him was gut wrenching. Knowing that if he left and she’d never once allowed herself to touch or show that love… pain sliced through her chest. The air not reaching her lungs as easily as before. Clutching the front of her sweater she knew what she had to do. 

**/Thanks momma. I'll talk to you later. Give kisses to papa for me./**

**/Love you sweetheart; I will./**

Separating out the rest of the clothes they had picked to that of the bimbo twins. Tabby walked toward the dressing room dumping all the one they hadn’t wanted onto the table by the exit. 

"Cullen?" 

"Down here." 

His hand pops out from the cracked open door down at the end. 

"Okay, so I tossed away all the clothes we didn't pick and toss what you had on with them. Now this may look like a lot, but pick out your favorites. Oh an-"

Pulling the door open completely, what she expected to see was far different than what she got. Cullen stood in the middle of the dressing room, completely bare, but for his smalls, which left nothing to the imagination. _God I’m going to fix my drawings… Maker did you bless him and man had I been off with the size._ He was huge, everywhere. _Oh god would he even fit?_ Never in her twenty-eight years had she ever seen anything that big outside of porn. Danny hadn’t even been close to that. And those thighs. Maker's breath they were like tree trunks. 

Mouth dry, lips slightly parted, Tabby clutched onto the bundle of clothes. Every fantasy she ever had about the man flooded her minds eyes. If she was wet before, she had to be soaking at this point. Logically she knew she couldn’t push him back into the room and mount him with so many security cameras outside the rooms. Just thinking about taking him in such a public place had her visibly shivering, a quiet moan vibrating in her throat. 

A loud cough punched passed many sexual fantasies playing out in her mind. Eyes snapping up to his face, realization dawning that she had been staring, hard. Pure honest mortification clawed just under her skin while a blush spread across her body. With a very unlady like squeal, she throws the bundle of clothes at him, turns and slams the door shut. 

“I’m so sorry!”

She feels him try and open the door. 

“Tabitha-”

“No! You, you stay in there.”

His deep rumble of a laugh brushed over her nerves soothing and prickling at them. 

“Tabitha, it’s alright. You’ve seen me undressed before.”

“You still had your pants on each time. And stop laughing! Damnit you did that on purpose didn’t you?”

He chuckled. 

“I was only playing,” his tone shifted, was hesitant, “If I made you uncomfortable I’m sorry. I didn’t think… Outside I could feel... Maker's breath tell me he didn’t hurt you in such a way.”

_He?_ Her brain froze. _Was he worried that Danny had humiliated me, like this?_ He had in a way, but she hadn’t wanted to fuck him when it happened. She didn’t want to hold him close and hear his sighs as he entered her for the first time or his growls and grunts as came. No Danny had left her ice cold and praying a car would run her over and end the suffering. 

Cullen thought he’d made her feel like that… Ripping the door open, Tabby stumbled back a step, not thinking he was leaning on the door, as he nearly topples them both over. Guilt fills his eyes when they meet hers. Catching his face she kisses him, hard, not allowing him to doubt for a second more. When his hands settle on her waist Tabby pulls back slightly, giggling as he tries to recapture her lips. 

“Never doubt I want you Cullen. What happened to me didn’t included the feelings I have for you. They were hollow and filled with hate for myself and him,” he pressed his form flush against her, making her next words breathy, “While I still think sex is a bad idea for us, for many reasons, I won’t discourage kissing and touching anymore. I want you, badly, if it wasn’t for the security camera's I don’t think we would be standing here.”

His hold tightened.

“Tabitha-”

“Shh, we’ll talk more later. For now try on those clothes, we have a lot still left to do before going home.”

She left him then waiting at the end of the hall where the air was less suffocating. 

It took a little bit for Cullen to try everything on, but everything they picked was perfect. The said feel of jeans was a little odd, but he didn’t mind. Liking that it felt durable. There were more than a few long sleeve flannel shirts, plain white long and short sleeve shirts. Three black and navy button ups, kakke pants and a golden pullover heavy sweater with red stitching, that he loved most. It was all simple. Nothing at screamed ‘look at me’, but rather ‘hey lets go out and have beer by the fire pit’. It was odd to see him looking like just anyone else in her world. Of course she’d fantasized about it, anyone that played the game and romanced Cullen had, but to see him… it was charming and the blushes that burned his face whenever he came out in something she really liked was beyond adorable.

“Funny I don’t remember you grabbing these, but I don’t mind the leather.” he said walking about out of the dressing area.

_Leather?_

Tabby had to white knuckle grip the chair as she watched him walk out to the brightly lit area. He was a god, in leather. Paired with a simple long sleeved off white, v-neck shirt. Cullen sported a pair of black handmade leather pants. They molded to his amazing legs and Marker save her the outfit had her thinking obscene things. Namely him pinning her to the closest wall and fucking her senseless. 

“Tabitha, you’re doing it again.”

Never taking her eyes off his form muttered, “Doing what?”

“Devouring me with your eyes.”

“Trust me in that outfit, I would do more than just devour you.” she said looking into his eyes once more. The normal blush that had signaled his embarrassment darkened.

“Don’t tempt me, Tabby.”

Her lust filled brain cleared looking at him surprised. He’d never called her Tabby. Always stuck to her full name even though she’d told him only her parents called her Tabitha. Licking her lips, she opted not to mention the slip, hoping he would do it again. His accent made her name sound so sexy and adding that sexual growl… oh god she’d drop everything for him now. 

She cleared her throat. 

“It may be safer to leave those behind. I don’t think I’d be able to restrain myself if you wore them outside the house.”

He said nothing simply smirked and nodded while going back to the dressing room and change back into his normal clothes so they could finish shopping. Cullen liked nearly everything, the pile only having gone down a bit. He wanted her to choose what to remove, but she told him not to worry as they headed for an open register. Thankfully the Stepford twins were nowhere in sight. 

“Okay, so we have four flannel shirts, six plan tees, three button ups, four sweaters, three pairs of jeans, two kakkes, four long sleeves, and one pair of leather pants. Is that everything?”

The look the woman gave her when she said leather pants made Cullen laugh and her blush a very deep red. _Bastard… so getting him back for that._ Tabby nodded, smiling that, that was everything. 

***  
They stayed in Macy’s a little longer hunting for shoes, underwear, and anything else he might need. All was successful but for shoes. He didn’t like really anything, but one pair of boots. Remembering there was a Dick’s sporting goods in the mall, she knew he would like what they had there, but walking around with all the bags would be a pain, so she opted to take everything back to the car first. Once back in Macy’s they headed for the exit out into the main mall. Cullen hesitated for a moment upon reaching it. Linking their arms she pulled him forward. 

“Come on Commander, you’ve been around crowd before.”

“Yes, but this excessive.”

“It’s America. Being excessive is kind of our thing. Now come on there’s another place I think you’ll like.”

They moved through the mall. Arms still linked.. 

“I believe I have enough clothes.”

“Cullen this is an experience. Take it for what it is and believe me when I say this will be the only time I bring you.”

Sighing he agreed. Though was still reluctant, as she pulled him from one place to another. He asked questions and she did her best to answer. It had been a long time since she’d walked the mall and a lot of things had moved, so when she saw the pink and black store coming into view, she tensed. 

_Yes, because that's not obvious… please, please, please don’t let him… damn._

He’d stopped short. Eyes glued to the display case outside of Victoria Secret. She was beginning to wonder if one of their god’s hated her. While she knew she was a 38 now, thanks to the last few years, she wasn’t as confident in thinking she looked good in their stuff. 

“Huh, it seems somethings are not so different here then in Orlais.” he stated unfazed.

“There's a store like this in Orlais?”

He shrugged, “It’s not as flashy with all the pictures and displays, but yes. Leliana and Josephine speak about it often enough.”

It shouldn’t be surprising really, it was Orlais. It’s a country based off of France, which was a little more free in the way sex was portrayed. After all the time at the ball and between the other two advisors, Cullen must have desensitized himself. One can only blush so many times, before it becomes normal. 

“Come.”

“What?” her voice high.

He moved to walk into the store. Dragging her along. If there was a way to dig her feet more into the ground she would have. This was NOT her kind of store. Things like this were bought online and away from prying eyes. Brain rattled it took her a moment to notice he had pulled her into the lingerie section and was pulling a garment off the rack. It was a stunning lace and satin night gown. She felt his eyes move over her form before grabbing another size. This one more able to fit her large breast, if just barely. 

“It’s very pretty, you have good taste, now lets - “

“Try it on.”

Blushing hard she shook her head. 

_No way. Not even for him, not in public._

Once… maybe before everything she would have happily tried it on and played with him in the store, but not now. Not after before. 

_He’d picked out something too small. She’d known it. Done it to hurt her. Remind her, she wasn’t good enough, or skinny enough. Tears prickled at her eyes. His voice telling her come out. One of the attendants telling him he couldn’t be back here. The light knock, telling her it was okay to come out. Embracement nearly choking her._

“Tabby?”

Blurred eyes looked up into his amber ones, his playful smile disappearing. A calloused finger brushes a tear from her cheek. 

“Love, what’s wrong?”

“Please don’t make me try that on.” She was going to crack. Could feel the painful sob coming up into her chest. This was a memory she’d forced back and never revisited. It was the one that started the self hate, the one that made her wish for his death or her own. It was the one memory that shatter all her work because it was the first time he’d mentally scared her.

Dark understanding lit the back of his eyes. Kissing the top of her head he held her close. There was movement behind her, but Cullen kept her close walking them somewhere. 

It wasn't till she heard the click of a door that her head snapped up. They were in the dressing room. Panic grinned into her bones.

His hands began removing her clothes. Tabby thought she would die. 

"Please..." She whispered after he got her sweater off. She couldn't do this. Not again. She didn't want to see disappointment.

"Look at me Tabitha." 

She shook her head. Earlier when he saw her, she’d had been in shock. The memories didn’t link so she felt no shame and he clearly wanted her. It overrode everything. Now, now was different, the setting the same. The smells, the music even. It all took her took her back. She tilted her head down her hair curtaining around her face hiding the tears. She wanted to go home. Order the rest of his things online. 

Strong hands cradled her face, forcing her to look up. The evil garment hanging behind him. Damnit why couldn’t he see and why does all this have to come up now? They had been good since the first day. She wasn’t frightened of him. Could almost eat with him now without feeling nervous or sick. Another large tear rolled down her cheek, his thumb catching it. 

"You are beautiful. Can you not see that?" His voice dropped into a low whisper, one arm moving around to pull her flush against him. "Can you not feel it?" 

"You don't understand."

"No, I don't. But it doesn't take much to see that bastard hurt you in more ways than I had thought." He pulls her undershirt off. "Only, I'm not him." 

No, he wasn't. Regardless of what happened today or all those years ago. Cullen wasn't Danny. He wouldn't hurt her. He wouldn’t demean her or embarrass her because it was fun to see the pain. Cullen encouraged her and made her blush because he liked to see it. He wanted her, she could feel it and she trusted him. More so than any other before him. 

The grown glided over her head. Lifting her arms, it slipped on beautifully and was a little tight over her chest because of the bra. He turned them toward the mirror. 

"If we were home, I'd break our promise. Maker I'd ravish you till sunrise." 

Hugging her from behind his body warmed her chilled skin. This man was real, he was everything she'd ever prayed for, wished for...and she couldn't keep him. It wasn't fair, but nothing had been for a long time. 

"Do you really like this?" 

He said nothing simply thrust his hips against her bottom. The hard length of him rubbing along her with burning need. Tabby bit her lower lip. He could change so much, heal so many wounds. Cullen was her one. Nodding she pulled away pulling the gown over her head. 

"Come on Commander, let's finish shopping. I want to cook dinner and watch a movie with you."

"A movie?" 

"Mmhmm, you'll like it. It called Jurassic Park, the animals are kind of like dragons." 

"And I'll like it why?" He picked up the few new bags they collected while she changed. Sweet man knew what she looked like mostly, but still offered privacy. Leaning down she kissed his cheek. Whispering softly against his ear. 

"Think of it like this. For an hour you get to hold me, and if you play your cards right get lots of kisses." 

He shivered, glancing at her with that infamous smirk.

"Now that is tempting."


	6. Welcome to the DA Res-Fair!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Looks like the fun never ends with these two, as Tabby is reminded that not only did she forget about going to her parents but that it was the time of the year for the DA Res-Fair! Things are about to get very interesting in the Amell house and we shall see if Cullen can handle Tabby's friends. And what this about a fight?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Some smuttiness in this chapter :D
> 
> I wrote the second half of this, this morning and I hope you all like. It dead on my feet after work so I will have to come back and edit more another time. I hope you enjoy and thank everyone who commented and sent kudos! 
> 
> Also a very funny cameo from Fandora's Dezi Character XD - which was approved for me to use. 
> 
> And this is a little bit of a shout our the to Cullenites! Love you guys and I can only guess the meeting of the group with Cullen would be the same lol
> 
> The song playing in the Hanged Man - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-64CaD8GXw

The day at the mall changed everything. The most noticeable being the kissing and touching. The moment they had gotten home Cullen had started. Even when watching the movie that night, things had gotten heated... okay more than that, his shirt had ended up on the floor, along most of her clothes. Lots of grinding and kissing. Shivering Tabby knew she couldn't hold off sex with him for too much longer, but she had to. Not because of her feelings, but for a more natural problem. 

For four years she’s been off the pill and only got back on a week and half ago. She knew the rules, waiting a month before sex. Only Cullen and their super attraction was damn near killing all of her willpower. God help her, the idea of trying to explain condoms to the man… it was so embarrassing that she blushed every time. If she could hold off a little longer she'd be safe. Hopefully.

Strong arms circled her waist just as warm lips nipped and played along her neck. Tabby locked her knees as she attempted to ignore the tingling sensation burning its pathway down from her neck to between her legs.

_God and the maker help me._

"Cullen, I'm trying to cook." 

"My meal is better." 

"Cullen... Please-" she gasped, his hand slipping under her shirt. They'd learned quickly he enjoyed her breasts a great deal, his hands tending to wonder whenever he was touching her like this and she wanted him so bad. The need growing, Tabby pressed back against him. 

"Commander if you don't mind a burnt breakfast we can keep this up." 

His heady chuckle tickled her ear. 

"I don't know. I may be willing risk it." 

Laughing outright this time she bumped back against him. 

"Go and sit down, you and let me finish." 

Cullen, damn him, was so cute. That high flush from the lust burn along his cheeks, but it brightened his face in such a way that made him seem so much younger, happier. Seeing it made the darkness inside lighten, the memories quiet down. 

_Funny, I never realized we were so similar. Fighting a battle against our inner demons and hoping to just make it through to the next day._

Placing his plate down, she kissed him on the cheek. Maybe one day, before he leaves, she will tell him and maybe, just maybe, she could let go of last few monsters in her closet. 

The phones begins to ring, pulling her from his side. _Honestly why is it always the phone?_

"Hello?"

"Hey girl!"

"Dezzy, hey! What up?" 

"I'm calling to see where we would be meeting you for the fair? Can't have a full group without our Inquisitor." 

Tabby's eyes fly to Cullen. His broad back hunched slightly as he reads while eating. The DA res-fair... She'd completely forgotten, just like-

"Andraste's tits..." Her parents house. She was supposed to leave in two days for her parents place and she hadn’t even told Cullen. Head light she leaned against the counter. 

"Tabby? Are you okay?" 

Cullen was watching her now, before she could blink he was at her side. 

"Tabitha? What is it?" 

A loud gasp/sequel pierced her ear. Jesus.

"Oh my god! Was that a man? Do you have a man over?! Brandon, Tabby has a guy over!" 

"For god sakes Dezzy you don't need to scream I'm right on the couch." The male voice from Dezzy end yells. “I’m very happy for her, she’s finally getting laid.”

Keeping the phone to her ear, Tabby leans against Cullen. The fair and her parents house... How could she forget all that? Strong arms pulled her closer and she knew. Cullen had consumed her thoughts the last few days. Not knowing how long he would be here, worrying endlessly. 

Dezzy voice demanding information from the line pulled her back to answer again. She would have to bring him. Leaving him on his own was still not completely safe. The idea of Cullen, the Cullen, at the DA res-fair was going to be insanely entertaining, but worrying. All of her group was going to flip a shit. 

"I'm bringing a friend," a smirk formed as she looked into his eyes, "he's a rather big Dragon Age fan. You'll like him, looks practically identical Cullen. He's even British." 

"Oh god. The others are going freak aren't they?" 

"More than likely, just warn them and for all that is holy I don't want people giving him the third degree. He's a good man...kind and honorable."

"You know I have no control over the men."

"Please, you frighten the shit out of them. Plus Brandon is their squad leader. Have him make it an order."

"That's not how it works Tabby." Brandon yelled from what she could only assume was still the couch. "Besides if he can't handle us there's no hope for him when it comes to the woman." 

They were looking at each other still, Cullen's face twitching in certain spots. Weather from irritation or humor she couldn't tell yet. It was clear he could hear what her friends where saying... God even his world could most likely hear Dezzy. 

"I don't think the woman will be the problem. He works with two very strong willed ones on a daily basis. Anyway I'll meet up near the entrance for the fair. Just let Roxie know their will be a male Cullen their." 

"Ooo he's going as him? That must make you happy the way you've been drooling over the character the last two years. Has he seen that drawing of the temp-"

"See you later Dezzy, bye." If she could have hung up the phone quicker... _oh god, that look._ Cullen was curious and enough so that if she wasn't careful he would use the knowledge he'd gained the night before against her. 

"Two years?" 

_ugh, I'm going to kill Dezzy._

"Yes well I told you I liked you for a long while,” she coughs lightly to clear her throat and head, “Now we need to get your old clothes and armor looking good there's an event today we have to go to and I know it’s short notice, I kinda forgot about it." She said while worming her way out from between him and the counter. He caught her arm, spun her around to be pulled flush against his chest. Face buried against her neck. 

"Tabby, why is my armor suddenly in fashion and what is this event? If you know me at all I don't really enjoy things like grand balls." 

Oh to hold back on the joke just laying before her thanks to his statement.... It took a lot. Lacing her hand in his unwaxed hair the soft waves tickling her palm. Now that touching was allowed this was her favorite part of him. _Well second favorite… no third, no wait fourth, no, damn it’s one of the top seven._

"It's a fair Cullen, much more relaxed. No fancy dress. I will tell you now it's one mimicking your world. As your just characters people here like to dress up as their favorite ones. It's sounds odd to you I know. Just don't freak out if you see different versions of yourself passing you by."

"Markers breath, I have a feeling this night is going to be an uncomfortable one. Wait, who are you going as?" 

"As we have a group, I'm the inquisitor. That reminds me, you told me that you have a male inquisitor, what class is he?" 

"He is a Mage from a Dalish clan." 

"Oh!" She knew her excitement was a little odd but the best ending for the game was with her female elf. "And he's with Dorian?" 

He watched her curiously. "He is, this makes you happy?" 

"Of course, you don't know how popular Dorian is here. He's every female player's best friend." 

There was a look pure amusement on his face.

"What?" 

"Nothing, I can only imagine how smug he will be when I tell him he's practically worshiped in this world." 

"Oh his ego will grow a good amount." 

"I don't think Skyhold will be able to hold it all. Maybe I should keep this information to myself." 

The joy that settled in her heart was almost too much. Dreaming of being in Cullen's arms used to be the high to her day, but laughing and actually enjoying each other's company was far better. Kissing his nose quickly she moves out of his embrace. 

"Alright commander, finish eating so we can get ready. Knowing my friends they will be there early and the Inquisitor shouldn't be late." 

He barked out a laugh. "Yeah right, tell that to him." 

A few hours later Tabby strapped the last buckle to her boots. Her dragon staff laying across her bed. The Mage robes hugging her body like a second skin. It had taken her almost year to find the correct type of leathers and cloth, and piece everything together. Though she'd originally planned on mixing the rogue scout outfit with mage robes, but the planning and execution wasn’t right. So she scrapped it for the origins concept elven mage art outfit. Instead of the marble blue she crafted it with colors similar to those found in Inquisition. Beautiful medium brown leathers and ring velvet style fabric updated the style and also would help keep her warm. There was a very warm cloak she'd had specially made by a friend, to also help. She’d tested for how long she could stand being outside without thermals and estimates six hours before it starts to affect her. The staff, which her father had created for her many months before was one of a kind. Weighted perfectly she’d trained with it for the last five months to make sure she didn’t hurt anyone. It was made of real metals, a leather grip wrapped around the mild where she would hold it so not to freeze her hands. Looking in the mirror she smiled. This piece of art had taken her over a year to create and finally being able to show it off filled her with glee. 

Grabbing her staff and cloak she exited her room, Cullen was already waiting for her by the entry way. Decked out in full Commander gear and damn did he look good. She told him the sword would have to remain sheathed at all times. The fair was a safe place so unless one of the blacksmiths came up to them, they would keep it out of reach of others. 

“Well Commander?” she asked doing a small turn for him. Her hair was down, curled on the ends with the bright blue in her hair shining more. Her make up was simple, but done to enhance the bright green contacts. There was no real way for her to have a glowing green mark on her hand so she reflected the color with her contacts to show who she was. Chuckling lightly she tapped his chest plate.

“Earth to Cullen, please come in.”

“Tabby?” He asked breathless.

“Of course silly,” she touched his face noticing his hair was slicked back, “Not going with my request on the hair?” 

She’d asked playfully just as his arms flung out to circle around her waist and slam her against his chest plate. His mouth descended upon her as if he was starving for air and she had the only supply. He walked them them back into a wall beside the front door. She wasn’t sure when he pushed up the long skirt and pulled up one of her legs to wrap around his waist, but by the time it all registered, they were grinding against each other moaning. 

Thanks to the outfit and her large breasts, that were accentuated by the corset style top and left her shoulders bare to him, Cullen’s mouth traveled south, licking, nipping and kissed across every part of exposed skin while grinding his erection against her clothed core. 

“Cullen.” his name a plea. They had to stop. They would be late and she was already so close to breaking and allowing herself to take her body. She was so wet if he entered her now she would come. 

He groaned, both hands settled on her rear lifting her up and open to move harder against her, bringing her to the brink with lighting speed. Tabby wrapped her legs around his waist, damning him for being in full armor. Gripping his shoulders she followed his pace, chanting his name as she grew closer and closer. 

“Shit, Cullen!” her head flung back hitting the wall a small scream leaving her as she came so hard starts danced around her eyes. 

Panting she leans back, hands buried in his golden hair as he presses his head to her chest. Fingers flexing against her skin making her moan again as she realizes Cullen was still hard. 

“You didn’t-”

“Its okay, your pleasure was what I was really looking for and Maker you nearly made me embarrassment myself.” He said chuckling. 

“You, Commander, really know how to skirt the line of our new promise.” 

He gripped her ass a little tighter. Rocking against slowly. Tabby squeezed her eyes shut from the rare pleasure, colors dancing around the back of her eyelids. She moaned his name, his hands shifting to under hers panties. 

"Oh god, Cullen we're going to be late-" she moaned again. This far beyond anything she'd ever felt before or after Danny. Even on her own she'd never come that hard and still wanted more. 

Until she noticed he'd stopped and was lowering her to the ground. _Wait, what?_

"Cullen?" 

"I'm pushing, I know I am. I'm sorry." 

"No, no. I just," she righted her skirts and realized she'd have let him keep going. Had he touched her she would have let him take her against the wall and that wouldn't have been the end. Tabby looked up into the eyes of the one man in either of their worlds who she would have allowed to touch her this way kept going and not given two fucks if she'd gotten pregnant. "Cullen," she reached out cupping the side of his face, her thumb tracing over his lips, a wicked smiling turning hers up, " you could have touched. I know I want to." 

He'd been focused on her hand tracing his mouth to notice her other hand had moved. When she brushed her fingertips over his very obvious erection he inhaled sharply. His eyes were blown almost all Amber gone. He growled her name as she became more bold liking the hitch in his voice the roughed breathing. He caught her thumb with his teeth, before sucking it into his mouth. 

She groaned, leaning heavily against him, the armor not comfortable but she was enjoying hearing him, her hand cupping and running over his pants. He let go of her thumb.

"Tabby, maker's breath, please enough. Whatever self control believe me to have love-" 

_"Mrs Hyde!"_

A loud and blaring guitar solo rips into the air both of them jumping apart in reflex. It took a moment for Tabby to realize it was her cell phone going off and that was Dezzy’s ringtone. She moves over to her satchel sighing. _This thing was her Jim. Forever interrupting them._

"Hello." she nearly growled.

"Ooo that is a tone I haven't heard from you in a long time. Did I interrupt something?" 

"Robbie?" 

"The one and only. Dezi handed me her phone while mine charges in the car, because that's my luck. Now who are you doing and is it the reason you already ten mins late?" 

Tabby looked back at Cullen. He was adjusting and fixing himself once more. When their eyes met he blushed profusely. Smiling she bit her lower lip. 

"Yes to the second and you will see when I get there to the first."

"Well everyone is here now move your ass. We'll meet you at The Hanged Man. The boys are itching for a drink before the tournament." 

"Alright we are leaving now. Oh and for all that is holy keep Cera away from the mead. The girl is lighter than feather with booze. Oh and make sure Dezi doesn't light Ali on fire, again. Poor man gets nothing but grief from her and Brandon just sits there laughing." 

"Yes inquisitor, now get you ass over here so we can meet the man Dezi is describing as Cullen and we can have a good time." 

"Yeah, yeah we're leaving now." 

****Cullen ****

Cullen had to blink more than twice and remind himself at least once that he was not back home. This was Tabitha’s world mimicking his own. The detail alone though and the time placed into the craftmen ship. He would go from walking the town of Haven one moment then Kirkwalls lowtown to then Skyhold. Both the Hanged man and Heralds Rest were there along with blacksmiths, crafters, Makers breath there was even a market. Tabby pointed out the dual ring that they would be going to in a little while. It was something that had been requested about a year before and a contest was set up and the winner gained a good amount of money. Everyone competed. 

They were walking through the Hanged Man doors when he looked at her a little shocked. 

“You competed in the completion?”

A high blush, not from the cold, spread up from her neck to the top of her hairline. 

“Hey it the Champion!” 

Cullen turned and was nearly shocked back out the door. Before him was a group people that dressed and more then one looked like many of his friends back in Skyhold. The giant man that had yelled look very much like The Iron Bull. A female Dorain, with mustache, was seated on his lap talking with a woman that look scarily like The Champion of Kirkwall a slightly bulkier Fenris standing next to her. Two women, one dressed like him and one like Sera spoke with a slightly taller Varric and Cole. Two more joined them, one looking disturbingly like Cassandra and Leliana, a man that looked like Solas following behind with drinks. 

“Tabitha?” 

A small hand fitted itself into his. 

“I know, it’s a little strange.”

“A little, Makers Breath, is that Anders with a kitten?”

Tabitha laughed, and pulled him forward.

“Yes, but his name in real life is John. He’s a sweet man, loves cats, funny enough he’s an activist for veterans rights and a registered nurse.” 

“Tabby!” The female Dorian jumps down from her perch and races over, stopping about halfway when her eye catches him. Grey-blue orbs widen more than he thought was humanly possible before she backs up goes to Hawke and forces her face to turn toward them. 

“Ow! Damnit Dezzy that fucking...hurt.” 

Suddenly all eyes were on him. Both male and female before they all descended upon them like a herd. Cullen would have stepped back had Tabitha not sneakily snaked her arm through his. Squeezing his arm lightly she went about introductions. 

“Okay quickly, because I want drink, everyone this is Cullen Ford. Yes his real name is Cullen, he is my date, be nice and don’t ask too many prying questions he’s shy.”

“Only question I have is, where did you find him because I want one.”

“I second that.”

“Third.”

“Fourth.”

“Fifth!”

Cullen looked around the five woman who spoke and then felt the shaking laughter from Tabitha. 

“Well first off, all of you are married, besides Roxie, and I doubt your husbands have granted a freebie, but just incase one did, he is one of a kind and mine so no more extra’s.”

She moved them both to the bar questions flying all around them. It was a little intense, but soon they realized he was normal. Having studied much of this world's military history and tactics he easily got along with the men of the group. Brandon, or Bull today, was the most fascinating with his rank of command. They knew he was a soldier, but Tabby and he had agreed to keep who he really was underwraps along with how they really met. Saying you fell through the ceiling of a woman’s home a few days before wasn’t a good way of presenting oneself. For a good hour they all had a good time until Tom, the man who looked like Fenris, asked him about Danny. 

“I can only guess you know about Tabby and Danny?”

Cullen had had a good idea as to had hurt Tabby, but this confirmed it. Silently he nodded taking a sip of his drink. This man had been apart of their group he wouldn’t spit out his hate for him. 

“We love Tabby as if she was our sister. She’s been through a lot and sadly we didn’t notice until it was end what had been going on. It’s a shame we all live with for not protecting her the way we should have.”

They all glance over to the woman, each laughing. Tabby leaning on, who he learned was Robbie, crying from laughing so hard. Cullen like this side of her, loved it even. She was safe with these people. Knowing he would leave at any moment had started to leave a sick feeling in his stomach, yet seeing all of this and knowing she would okay, curbed the feeling a little. 

“I’m glad to know she has people like you around. I will have to go away on a trip soon and I was worried.”

“That sounds pretty ominous, you sound as if you won't be coming back.” John chuckled. Cullen just drank from his mug. They knew he was soldier. Carried himself as one so the universal understanding that death could take them at anytime was made plain. 

“Tabby isn’t weak, she can take care of herself, but we all get it. Just try to come back, it’s easy to see you’re both in love.”

Love? Well he loved many things about Tabby, her smile, her laugh, her body… Cullen held down shivering at the memory of his lose of control his morning. He was wound up so tightly, his mind just slipped and like an animal in heat growled and bit at her dying for some kind of release.

Cold air hit the back of his neck, so deep in his thoughts he almost missed the room going silent. Slowly he turned, a giant man, with three more following entered. They were dressed as Qunari. The men around him tensed, a warning for him to be on alert. He glance at Tabby who was now standing, Robbie at her side. Both looking read to kill. 

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t the Champion of Kirkwall and the Inquisitor Champion from last year. I heard from a little birdie you’re going to try and defend your title today.”

“What do you want Sean? I was having a perfectly good time until your massive form darkened my light.” 

“Just making a point to show you who’s going to win this year. I’ve been working for this win and I won’t let you have it like last year. That was dirty trick you played.” 

“You’re too easy and in the heat of a fight you shouldn’t be thinking with you lower half. It’s what will get you killed or more to the point laid you out on your ass with a pair of daggers at your throat.” 

So she was the winner last year in the duals? A good amount of pride for her as his woman bubbled up. She was strong and beautiful. they had spared twice already, and while Cullen had won, he had no doubt that if she let loose on him, he would be on his back with her on top… that actually wasn’t a bad image. 

“Hey Sean check out the pretty boy Cullen look alike over here.”

Cullen watched Tabitha’s stance change. The smartass gone and protective worry radiated off her body. The men around him also tensed. They’d only just gotten to know him, but it was clear he was deadly if pressed. Slowly Cullen turned around in his seat to look at the three Qunari men.  
Soldiers much like the others yet these ones were dominating forcing others to take notice of their strengths. He could take them with no worries of injure, but the risk of someone else getting hurt was high. It wouldn’t be worth it. 

“And who is this? A new nerd added to the group?”

Cullen kept his face relax, bored really. 

“He’s my date and you can leave him alone.”

“Dude he looks creepily like the guy in the game.” 

“He really does.”

Cullen smiled. 

“I’ll take that as a compliment. Though I don’t think you have the Qunari placed right. You see if that man was your leader. Nether of you would be speaking. Qunari are people that have an understand of what place they hold in society. Your leader would be the only to speak and he wouldn't bare a tone of arrogance just one of simple fact. Try practicing obedience first if you're going to play the roles right. Now,” he moved from his seat making a beeline for Tabitha, his arm snaking around her waist, “if you will excuse us, I have gone far too long without ravishing this beautiful woman, and don’t worry she won’t be late to the fight.”

To make his point to the idiots before him, Cullen spun Tabitha around then dipped her low before crushing his lips to hers. She circled his neck pulling him closer deepening the kiss for a moment longer before allowing him to right them. 

Shaky in the knees for a moment he opted to kiss her forehead before reaching for her cloak and staff. She waved to her friends, and exited the tavern. Leaning forward, his lips ghosting over her ear. 

“Find us somewhere quite. We need to speak.”

****  
Tabby was nervous. Cullen didn’t sound angry or upset so she lead them to the garden area. It was a replica of the one in Skyhold. Someone was in the chapel so they walked over to the door that held the Eluven. Once inside, he didn’t speak. Simply observed for a moment making Tabby antsy. 

“You plan to compete in the fights today?”

shrugging she kick the floor with her shoe. “As the previous winner I’m supposed to fight whoever makes their way to the top spot. If I win then i continue my hold on the title and gain the prize. I would have told you, but there didn’t seem to be a good moment and you tend to have this effect on my memory that cause things to slip.”

“You’d you be upset if I competed?”

She blinked a few times her mind having to convince itself it heard him correctly. 

“You want to join the competition?” 

“It seems it would fun, though maybe a little easy with my experience, but I assume it is similar to how I train my men. The intent being to disarm or force them to yield not actually harm.”

“Yes, weapons are used only if the wielder consent along with the judges. If they think the fight could become to violet they will bane the use of metal weapons for that of wooden ones. If they really think a match up is too much they will only allow hand to hand combat.”

“Your former opponent, you both used weapons?”

“Yes, I was a rogue and he was sword and shield user like yourself. As their was no previous winner he and I were the final two to gain the title. I outsmarted him and he yielded. This year I changed to a staff and he seems to moved on to a two-handed weapon.”

“Yet you are better with a blade? Why change?”

Smiling she moved forward, realizing he was worried and wanted to protect her from Sean. If she read him correctly, we was going to fight Sean then mostly lose then yield to the next opponent. The man was an idiot, but her idiot it seemed.

“Cullen, I like learning knew things, but a staff isn’t something I don’t know. My father trained me in wielding a staff when I was young, but after a certain age it stopped being cool because I scared away all the boys I liked. Which I imagine was my father's plan all along.” Rising a little on her toes, she kissed him lightly. “If you don’t plan on fighting till the end, which would mean fighting me, then don’t enter. I will not come out of this uncathed. my fight with Sean left more than a few bruises and cuts.”  
“Somehow this idea of you fighting has less and less appeal, but I will not interfere. If you think you can handle him. I will not enter, but know this, “ he cups her face firmly between his hands, thumb brushing her cheek, “ you will not lose and if you get hurt I will not forgive you.” 

Touching their heads together, Tabby laughed lightly. His idea of a fight was very different from what he would see, but she understood the hidden message. He cared, he wanted her safe, and most of all he had faith in her abilities. If she really was the Inquisitor and Cullen had been her romance, right now would be something she would cherish most. 

“Don’t worry, I promise to be as safe as possible. Now, do I get a good luck kiss? I remember a moment ago the promise of ravishment.”

“Ah yes, I believe I did say that.” 

Another leap forward with them. Playfulness and the eagerness to love. Gently he back them towards the door light fluttery kisses passed between them. The burn slow and warm. Tabby feeling bold nibbled up his jaw to his ear.

“I’ll expect a prize for my win later Commander.”

She felt him smirk. “I can think of one or two things you would like as a winners prize.”

“hmm can this be one?” 

Her hand glided down the front of his armor and brushing against the front of his pants before cupping him completely. The growl that vibrated in his throat encouraged her ever playful fingers. 

“Here's the deal Commander, if I win, I get to play with you all night. If I lose, I will allow anything, but complete intercourse.” 

His cock jerked in her hand.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

He leaned down nipping her shoulder. “Yes.”

“Good,” she whispered just as the sound of the horn for the competition to begin echoed around them, “It’s time to head to the for the ring area. I will be sitting next to the king until my fight. Stay with the others and enjoy the show.”


	7. Bad Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen watches Tabby fight, then things go wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank everyone who has commented and left Kudos! You all are so amazing and I'm so happy your enjoying my times with Cullen and Tabby. With the next week going to be rough with writing I thought posting a short part six for be nice and so you all don't run after me like wolves lmao I only kid. I love writing for you guys. 
> 
> ENJOY!

He didn't like this fight. The fake Qunari had plowed through everyone else in the competition to stand across from the smaller women currently glaring daggers. Cullen's women. No this wasn't just a fight. That man had lost his pride in the fight a year ago and was damned determined to gain it back. What was worse, they were allowing weapons, metal ones. 

Gripping the pommel of this sword Cullen had to remind himself this was not a real fight. It was supposed to be for show… yet the amount of hate vibrating between those two was nearly palpable. Normally two handed warrior against a Mage wasn’t so much of an issue, the Mage could rely on more than just their staff, but there was no magic in this world and Tabitha was only trained in staff. Their conversation just before the match played back in his ears. 

_"Switch to daggers. Please."_

_"Cullen-"_

_"I know what you said, I have faith but-"_

_"I know. They’ve never done this but thanks to that idiot’s way of reaching me they want this fight to be more... exciting."_

Once again bail rose to the back of his throat as he analyzed both fighters. The blade the fake Qunari wielded was well made, that was easy enough to see, and damned if the bastard hadn't been training a year for this moment. Eagerness painted plainly across his ugly mug. The group they had been with stood around him. Everyone with the same looking equally nervous and excited. According to Dezzy and Roxie the problems between Tabby and Sean extended farther beyond just the fight from the year before. In fact they had once been friends. Then Danny had destroyed the trust between them, lies and truths getting mixed up and told in half's. A huge fight erupted until nothing but anger and resentment was all that was left. Tabby learned later what Danny had done and after his death she tried to make amends, but the bridge had been burned.

Sighing Cullen looked between the two former friends and remembering Samson… the parallel not being missed. Brandon and the other men of his company shifted restlessly on the other side of the fighting ring, which was just like the training area they had at Skyhold for the soldiers. Well, all except for one. Robbie stood to his left dressed as Hawke, calm as the morning sky. Her husband, the man dressed as Fenris, didn't seem so much worried but in deep thought as well. Intrigued he spoke. 

"You're not concerned about her." 

The tall, dark haired woman smiled but didn't look at him. 

"Nope. I know what she's capable of and what she can endure. Besides," chocolate eyes glanced to him, "I'm the one who trained her." 

That was news, Tabitha not having mentioned anything about a teacher beyond her father. Who he found out through the others was a massive fan of his world. He normally came to the fair as the Warden, but had canceled a few months back. The staff Tabby carried had been forged by the older man as well. 

_“Tabitha, may I see your staff?” They had begun getting everything in the car learning quickly his armor was not something that could be worn and expect to fit inside. She was helping him unbuckle his chest plate when a marking on the staff caught his eye._

_“Sure.”_

_As he looked closer the symbol was like that of the Wardens crest, but someone had mixed in another symbol that he knew he’d seen before but couldn’t place._

_“Did you make this?”_

_“No,” she started laughing as she fiddled with one of his buckles, “my father is very good at crafting weapons and shields and all kinds of cool things.”_

_“And the crest?”_

_“Oh that? My father has been putting that on everything since I was a little girl. Everyone swears it looks just like Warden crest and I kinda see it, but it's been around my family for years so I can’t really link the two, but that would be cool. Maybe my old man is secretly from Thades and I’m a princess from like Orlais or noble in Ferelden.”_

_“Tabby.”_

_“I know, I know, I’m being silly, but hey a girl can dream.”_

Robbie spoke again pulling him back from the memory. Her short black hair and face could have fooled anyone that she was the Champion. Their builds were almost the same, face shape and tone too. The horrible jokes too… Maker that seemed to be a very famous character trait of the Champion that this world loved and drove him nuts. 

"It's not well known and I don't like to advertise my business. I spent ten years in Japan with my husband. Let me tell you after the first year it can get boring being home a lot of the day with no kids. So I went to a dojo in my area and began learning to fight. I was good and I had fun.” her eyes darkened a deep seeded hate lighting firing behind them. “It was after everything with Danny that she came to me. Yes she had combat training from the Army, but this was different. I taught her to defend herself and how to deal damage without killing. I knew that son of a bitch was hurting her, could feel it down into my bones. No one wanted to believe it. He was good at fooling people, but there was something wrong with him and once they got together… well let’s just say we had words.”  
Sick satisfaction settled into his bones. _Good. At least someone tried to put the fear of the Marker into the monster._

The announcer spoke then, filling the air with this booming voice. Cheers echoing around as he introduced Tabby. She was obviously well loved and respected, not surprising with her personality. Then it started and for the first time since meeting the Inquisitor, Cullen was stunned. Faster than any rouge he had ever seen, Tabby was upon the giant man. Her staff swinging and around in the most graceful way. It almost looked as if she was dancing around the raging man. Landing two strikes to his ribs and thigh before clip him on the ear, blood slowly rising and falling. The fake Qunari, back peddled a bit before roaring and moving a defensive stance to offensive. The man was pissed and it was clear to Cullen that that was Tabby’s aim. Keeping him mad, keeping him hazy with rage so he can’t think beyond her and making strategy impossible. 

A sharp inhale came from his left, his gut wrenching as Tabby took a pommel strike to the shoulder and just barely missing the sharper end of blade. She flipped backwards, twice before spinning mid air, landing on her feet eyes never leaving her opponent. The commander in him was proud, the man even more so, as she stood rolling her shoulder once before grinning. 

A snort of amusement filtered through the cheering around them. The two attacked again, each blocking the others attacks, she landing a few more to the ribs and him catching her a few times but never doing too much damage. After fifteen minutes into the fight, both bore bruises and a few cuts, but again nothing too serious. Both fighters were excellent, each displaying how much training they had go through. Once again they stood opposite from the other, breathing heavily, blood falling in random places. 

Then Tabby lowered her stance, Robbie chuckling before turning to her husband. 

"It's over, come one Fenris let's start ordering the drinks for the champion again." Turning she waved in Tabby’s direction. "See you at the Herald's Rest Inquisitor! Try not to take too long I have only this one day off from adulting and I damn well better be drunk by the end of the night." 

Tabby’s eyes flickered for half a second but never left the Qunari. The grin from before reappearing only wider just before she sprints forward. Marker he really couldn’t get over just how quick she was and it seemed near could her opponent, as he steps back and really that's all that needed to happen. Fast as lightning just before a large storm, she uses her staff as an anchor, jabbing into the ground and swing, her foot smashing into his jaw and knocking him back. The next few moves were hard to keep up with, the staff cracking against the man's ribs twice more before she crippled him at the back of the knee, now leaving him kneeling at the perfect height. Knee to his spine, staff tucked under the chin cutting off his air supply slowly. Tabby leaned in close, the man tried to shake his head, baring her teeth she said it again, jerking the staff tighter in. Finally after another minutes the man gave the signal to yield. 

Cheers and whistles punched into the air, everyone yelling excitedly in victory for her. Cullen leaned against the fence around the ring, smiling. The announcer tried to call her over but she was racing over to him, jumping onto the bottom of the fence and grabbing his face and kissing the Markers light out of him. Hungrily he responded his body demanding every inch of her own. 

"Really you two, get a- Tabby look out!" 

Cullen saw him first, shoving her away and taking the hit from the blade. Screams pierced his ears, wincing as part of his armor was punched in and pressing against his chest. Quickly he grabbed the man's wrist and twisted till he heard the snap and howl. The two handed blade hit the ground just as his fist kissed the man's cheek, hard. Everything went into a haze from there and it was only until small hand touched his face did he realize he was straddling the fake Qunari. Blood coating his hand, the blurry red lines around his vision lifting as gold met cinnamon. 

"Cullen," tears streaked her face, "it's okay, I'm okay, please let him go. You made your point." 

A sinking almost sickening curl in his stomach had his reeling back. _I lost control._ For the first time in a year and a half... _Maker's breath what I have I done?_


	8. Wishes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The drive home is quiet and Cullen confesses while Tabby wishes...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Markers breath! I know this took forever and I'm sorry. School and work have sucked my soul out through my eyes and ears. This is shorter then I originally intended, but the ending was so perfect and I wanted to give Cullen more air time next chapter. I hope you can forgive and half of the next chapter is already written. If I think i wont be able to write again for a bit Ill post as is and then come back. 
> 
> Thank you all for the lovely messages and Kudos! I love hearing from you guys it really makes my days brighter. I hope you enjoy!

The ride home was unbearably quiet Cullen lost in his own mind. Tabby itched to put the radio on, but from the pinch in his brow a headache must be building. He hadn't said a word since they left the fairgrounds. Which had been madness. The event was held near base and more than half in attendance were military personnel, making the MPs the first responders. Brandon had John rush Cullen away to the medical tent while he intercepted the MPs explaining what had happened. Thankfully the other half dozen men and woman watching vouched for Tabby and Cullen, including a colonel who had seen everything. Sean was taken away for medical attention, but he would live according John and his quick examination. 

Cullen's wound was the most worrying. The stupid battle axe may have bounced off the armor but it dented the front plate enough that as Cullen swung for each punch it bit into the skin cutting open his chest and shoulder. When she finally was able to get away and follow them to the medical tent, Brandon and John stated they would take care of him. 

_"No I should- "_

_"Tabs please, leave the man to us for a bit. He needs a minute to come back from whatever monster took hold when that axe came at you."_

_"Brandon."_

_"I know,” his eyes gentled as he rests a hand on her shoulder, “It's easy to see you love him kid, but I can't let him go back with you if he's not calmed down... I won't make the same mistake again."_

_"He's not Danny."_

_"I know, but I need to know you're going to be safe and so do the others. Dezzy would castrate me if I let him go home with you in this state and he hurt you even unknowingly."_

***

She had wanted to fight more, but then he used his rank against her; all hopes of winning that argument flew out the window and if she was really honest with herself she was glad. Cullen would never intentionally hurt her, ever. Only, having him locked possibly in a nightmare was something they hadn't faced together and she was worried about her reaction. In the game players are only ever given a small glimpse into nightmare bound Cullen and one two moments with him losing his grip on his anger. Beyond that was all guesswork on the part of the players. 

Glancing over again it felt as if there was more than a middle console between them. He clutched onto the fabric of his leg, the cloth bunching so tightly it looked as if it could rip. Humming softly she removes one hand from the wheel covering his; when he flinches, it causes a lump to swell in her throat. Cullen was always the one to blame himself first before anyone else. Knowing him as well as he did now, he was beating himself up internally. Thinking he is not worthy of her or anything good. Looking at his past and the curse of the lyrium as causing more pain again. That he's a broken man. Which he was, but that made him no less of a good man… no a great man. The man she loved.

Brushing her thumb over his knuckles Tabby squeezes his hand gently. 

"Thank you," turning onto her street Tabby knew that simply being with him tonight would be key in helping, yet he would most likely deny it.... She'd need to keep her ears open if that happened, "for saving me today. Girls in this world always dream of knights in shining armor coming to rescue them from the villain. Never thought I'd get to experience it." 

His hand began to relax. Not leaving an opening such as this go Tabby laces their fingers together. 

"You know what? I think tonight we should order pizza, snuggle up to another movie, there's a great one I've been wanting to show you, and just relax." 

"Tabitha, I-"

"Or I can reheat some leftovers and listen to more music. There's some instrumental stuff that I think you will really enjoy-"

"Tabitha, please, I'd really just prefer to rest for a while." 

She pulled into the driveway stopping just outside the garage.

"Oh, yeah, of course. Um, okay I'll just, yeah that's fine." 

She untangled their fingers to open the door. It felt like more though, as if something was wedged in between the empty space. 

“Cullen-”

Cullen took no time exiting the car, abandoning his armor to enter the house. The door slammed leaving Tabby to sit in the silence once again. Exhaling heavily she takes a few seconds more to collect all of her emotions. After a few well timed deep breaths she left the car. This was supposed to be a good day for them. Happy. Fun. Not this. 

***  
 **Two hours later**

It had been a while since they returned and she knew if she didn’t force her way into that room he would stew the rest of the night. And after another eventful bout of phone calls from Robbie and Dezzy and her brother, once again reminding her about going to her parents house, Tabby needed to solve the puzzle that was the Commander. Pouring the last of the water into the kettle, the scent of peppermint lingering up from the teapot, she double checked her tray again. _It’s now or never Tab’s._ she told herself as she stands before his door. Knocking lightly she waits none of the normal movement sounds greeting her ears, just the deep baritone of his accent. 

"Enter." 

_Oh boy…_

"Hey," she whispered, balancing the tray, a light smile softening the worry behind her eyes as they land on his prone form across the bed, "I thought you might want some tea, it's the peppermint one you like and a small sandwich incase you were get hungry." 

"Thank you." 

He didn't move. His voice the most hollow she'd heard since playing dragon age 2. Chewing her lower lip she places the tray on his desk his eyes remaining glued to the ceiling. Ignoring all her fears and training with PTSD patients Tabby crawled onto the bed lining her body up with his. Noticing for the first time that she fit quite nicely against his side even as he tensed. 

"Tabby-" 

"Shh, Cullen and listen to me. What happened today... It was bad yes, but you protected me and things may have gotten out of hand a little-" 

"I was going to kill that man Tabitha. Nothing little about that." 

Both hands rested on his stomach were interlocked and white at the knuckle. Tabby placed one hand over his. 

"But you didn't. Cullen you told me the withdrawal symptoms were lessening, the nightmares not as frequent. You are in control whether you think so or not." 

"This had nothing to do with lyrium." 

"But-" 

"Maker’s breath woman, I snapped." He jerked up shaking off her touch. "Seeing that blade come at you, knowing that blow could kill you sent every instinct in me into a rage. I wanted blood. I wanted revenge. In all my life there has only been one time where I wanted kill so badly. Had you not stopped me, had you not been able to-" his voice lowered to whisper. 

Tabby stared at his back, shock rolling over her like ice down her back. Cullen had lost control because of her… because he cared. She didn’t know whether to be happy or terrified or confused. She’d been in love with him for two years, he’d only just met her and he was protective, caring… loving almost. It should excite her, but it didn’t. Cullen was confused. Lost, and it was all her fault. 

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

"For causing you pain. I know my feelings for you and while terrifying as they are in strength I'm used to it. I- Cullen I know I can't keep you. I know that at some point you're going to exit my life the same way you entered it, minus falling through the ceiling. I want every moment I can get. There's defiantly sexual attraction, okay a lot of it, but if I'm hurting you in anyway, please tell me-"

"Tabitha enough," his back remained facing her, muscles bunched and trembling, "today was not your fault. I was enjoying the event despite the oddness of it all. I liked your friends and the love they have for you. It brought me comfort to know they will be here when I leave." 

He reached back pulling her hand to his chest, the fact it was over his heart not being missed. 

"You could have died today. The angle of swing, the sharpness of the blade, it would have embedded itself into your back and I would have been forced to watch you die in my arms. That moment flashed in my mind so quickly and with enough force I thought I was the one dying." 

Tabby clutched tightly to his shirt, pulling herself to rest firmly against his back. The desire to curl into him, give the most comfort possible, clawed at her, the love for him nearly overwhelming. Silent tears glassed over her vision the more her spoke. _Oh Cullen... Why couldn't you have been born here? Why couldn't have I have been born in Thades? After everything each of us has been through, why couldn't the fates have been kinder?_  
She tried keep quiet, covering her mouth with the back of her hand. _You are taking it away, all the years of building walls to survive. This whole time protecting myself and here you are, my dream come true, ripping them down. How could I not notice I was pushing at the same ones you had built? I want to say the words. I want to tell you, but I can’t. I won’t hurt us both._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned, Cullen has more confessions and a secret is reveled that will leave Cullen confused and floored. Oh and we finally get to meet Tabby's family!


	9. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen tells us what happens in the Tent with Brandon and John and tells Tabby how he feels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cut the chapter so there is more but wont be able to work on it for a little while so here is the start :D

**** Cullen POV****

“I’m falling in love with you.”

Her hold tightening around his waist. A shuttered exhale warming one spot between his shoulders. She was crying; could feel the warmth of her tears seeping through this shirt and the slight tremble in her body as it pressed against his. It pained him to know he was the cause of her tears. It physically hurt to know he caused this… 

“Love, I’m not sure what that means for us. I’m not even sure if this is wise, but I can’t stop. Maker’s breath, I want to make love to you. I want to protect you, I want to give you back everything that bastard took away.”

“Cullen-”

“I know, love, I know… come here.” he turned watching as she tried to hide her face, he knew what it looked like. The events of earlier replaying over and over. He couldn’t remember the walk to the tent, only the yelling and barking of orders. John, the Anders twin, had begun removing his armor... 

_***  
Brandon walked into the tent. The man that looked uncomfortably like Anders cleaning the wound on his shoulder and chest. Tabitha’s figure lingered outside of the medical tent before another shadow pulled her away. Chest tight he tried to stand. He needed to see her, needed to apologize. A rough hand pushed down on his opposite shoulder. _

_“No way lover boy. You need to stay here and cool down.”_

_The tremor in his hands intensified. The events of the last few moments relaying over again in his head. That man could have killed Tabitha. Her tears, strangled voice, “I’m sorry, I know I promised. I’m sorry.” Light dies from her eyes._

_“Hey! Enough, Tabby is fine. Breathe.”_

_Rough strong fingers push his head down forcing him to take in deeper breaths. He hadn’t even noticed he’d started shaking his breath getting shallow._

_“Damnit Brandon I am not done yet stitching up the guy.”_

_“He needs to come back to reality. If he walks back out there with ghosts in his eyes and mistakes Tabs for one of his demons do you want to have to explain what the hell is going on to the wives?”_

_Cullen removed the hand from his neck carefully._

_“I’d die before ever hurting Tabitha. I’ve lost too much in my life to ever see her as a demon.”_

_Brandon’s deep set obsidian eyes bore down into him._

_“Good to know, but she loves you and will forgive easily. I on the other hand refuse to make the same mistake I did with Danny.”_

_The man was offering up insight Cullen could tell. It was subtle but Cullen knew this would be the only chance he could learn the truth. Tabitha I’m sorry._

_“How bad was it?”_

_“What?”_

_“The abuse. I know from the little she’s revealed to me and her reactions to certain things, but I can’t bring myself to ask too many questions. If I can avoid causing her anymore pain...”_

_Both men stared. Neither speaking until Brandon kneeled down to look Cullen directly in the eyes. On the same level._

_“Seven years ago Tabby was placed under my command. She was spunky, independent, a force of nature and a damn good cormen. John had been injured in a car accident so she was his replacement during deployment. Danny liked her, a lot, they held off any lovey dovey stuff until we got back states side and they were good… for a while. No one knew that he had beaten her one night when they had had a disagreement. He apologized, gave her flowers, promised up and down it was a mistake. All the normal BS a guy who’s a bastard tells the woman he’s beating on so she won't leave his sorry ass. “_

_“Tabby is a caregiver. She want’s to help people. Which leads to her giving out more then she should, loving unconditionally.” John said softly as he finished cleaning up Cullen._

_“We all thought we knew Danny, but he was just a damn good liar,” a dark and deadly look washed over Brandon, “he tortured her mentally, breaking down the woman we had all learned to love and see as a little sister. He never hit her in a spot that would show. That was not his goal. What he wanted was to destroy her spirit. Shatter that girl who would crack perverted jokes or prank her commanding officer to boost morale.”  
Cullen watched the two men before him drift for a moment as they went back to memories of Tabitha before it all disappeared. He almost wished he could look into their heads. John was the first to come back. Packing up and throwing away the bloody bandages and gloves._

_“Almost succeeded, the bastard. Had we not gotten wind I don’t think Tabby would still be with us.”_

_Cullen was going to vomit his stomach rolling and cramping as each man, in great detail, relayed the suffering Danny truly had inflicted. The longer they spoke the more he wanted the man alive so he could kill the bastard with his own hands. In fact he was already forming the many different forms of torment that he could inflict with the most pain._

_“It’s not hard to see she love you. You’re everything she’s dreamed of for the last two years. The fact you look like her ideal man in the game can’t hurt. Don’t get freaked out though. I doubt that’s the only reason she loves you. Have you seen her paintings and sketches?”_

_He nodded, “Some.”_

_Both man smirk._

_“When you go home ask about The Temple and Templar piece when you have time. You’ll enjoy it,” Brandon’s smile slipped and his face once again was a hard-line, “but Cullen I am going to tell you this now, one soldier to another, one man to another and I will only say this once to you. If you’re just playing with Tabby or you’re unsure about anything, don’t push whatever this is between you any further. She’s been through too much and dealt with more than her fair share of BS only to be hurt again.”_

_Something odd fluttered inside his stomach. A familiar feeling he had when it came to his sisters. These men weren’t just her friends, they were family. They loved Tabitha just as much as he did. They wanted to protect just as much as him, but he felt he knew Tabitha a little better now and he knew what he was about to say would not offend. Cullen finished getting dressed before speaking._

_“I feel I must defend what she would tell you only because she would kick me if I didn’t. Tabitha is a big girl and can take care of herself. Honestly though, I don’t know my true feelings,” Liar, “but I’d do what I did again today for her. I do worry though because I know I will have to leave at some point,” He looked deep into obsidian eyes. “I don’t want to. In fact, don’t think I would have the strength too on my own. All I know is that if I left it wouldn’t be of my own volition.”_

****

“Cullen?”

He looked down into cinnamon eyes, they were red and puffy still, but she was no longer crying. Which his heart was thankful for. 

“Hm?”

“I was hoping for today to end on a better note so that when I told you this you wouldn’t be upset.”  
“You are alive and in my arms. That is good enough for me Tabitha.”

“You say that now…” she exhaled, “okay, do you remember the first day you were here? I left the room to answer my phone? Well the person who called was my brother, he’s a pain in the butt, but he was reminding me that I made a promise to my parents. Tomorrow we need to leave for their house. It’s about a four hour car ride. I know this is a lot to toss your way-”

“It’s fine Tabby. I’d be honored to meet your family.”

“Somehow I knew you would say that.” She said a small chuckle shaking her shoulders. “Okay Commander,” she moved from his arms walking to the closest for a bag, “We should pack now so that we can leave in the morning.”

“Tabby, leave it for later. I want to hold you in my arms for a bit more.” 

Cullen wasn’t ready to let her go from his sight yet. It will never be right without her by his side, he knew that now. They were treading in some dangerous waters only undead wouldn’t come popping out, just heartache. Hesitating for a less then a second she set down the bag before crawling back on the bed. In the morning they could return to normal if she wished, but he wanted this tonight.


	10. Loving Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen can't hold back and things get steamy in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well it's finally started, the rating has changed to Explicit thanks to this one chapter and the soon to follow. XD
> 
> Again I don't know how good I am at this so bare with me on the sexy bits and while I had planed to hold out for this stuff Cullen and Tabby don't want to listen. Editing the next chapter tonight but thankfully class time is boring so I was able to finish this part! WOO! 
> 
> Love all the comments everyone has been leaving and the kudos! Thank you all so much! it really makes my day to see those emails :D

For the first time in over seven years Cullen slept through the night. Tabby curled up against him, locked in place by his arms. Currently he was laying awake, had been for at least an hour, watching Tabby sleep, promising just a few moments more to himself. When she began to wake he kissed each eye, down the bridge of her nose, to those perfectly pouty lips. 

“What time is it?” the husky rasp traced down his back like a hot lick.

“About seven in the morning from what the little clock is telling me.”

She stretched in the middle of yawning, her body pressing closer to his own.

“We should both get our things together and take showers so we can leave in about an hour and a half.” she said sitting up, arms reaching up toward the ceiling. The curve of her back bowing in a way that woke up Cullen in a far more pleasurable manner. Maker's breath, he wanted her. In every position, moaning his name and begging for more. It was then he noticed that she was wearing one of the shirts they had bought for him. It was big, but still so sexy.

“Commander?”

If he just reached out and lifted the fabric, the soft tan skin of her back would be in view and-

“Cullen,” she leaned down kissing his chin, “you’re practically drooling. Stop fantasizing we need to get ready- Cullen!”

He rolled her beneath him pressing himself flush against her core. One hand snaking it’s way under the hem of the shirt while his mouth attacks her neck. So soft. 

“Just one more moment.” he heard the hitch in her breathing the moment his hand found her breast, his thumb playing over her nipple, Maker he wanted to taste so much more. 

“Cullen… we can’t- oh sweet…”

The smirk on his face grew into a grin as he sucked on her through the shirt. It wasn’t the full contact he wanted, but for now it would do until she was putty, then he would taste her lavender and peppermint scented skin. A short whine escaped her trembling figure as they both moved against the other. One of her delicate hands laced through his curls, the other dragging down his clothed back. He wanted more. Need it. 

Ripping away quickly he kneels between velvet thighs, pulling his shirt off, groaning as those artistic hands immediately find overheated skin. Panting he reached down pulling her to sit up.

“Tell you want this. Tell me I can keeping going. Maker’s Breath -”

Silk lips move over his abdomen, hints of tongue dipping to taste skin. He was dying. In fact if he died right at this moment he wouldn’t mind. “Tabby…” Thighs trembled Cullen watches her travel lower and lower. _She doesn’t mean to… Maker she does._ Cinnamon eyes, nearly completely blown out, glance up for no more than a second, before the strings of his leather trousers loosen and glided down. 

A deep, guttural, groan vibrated in his throat. One hand flying to hold on to her shoulder the other tangling in brown and blue velvet strands as slow luscious licks glided over the head. 

“Love, you don’t- “ Cullen dropped his head back the warm, wet suction cutting off all normal thought. The only functional part of his mind allowing him to feel and moan. After so many days of deny his lust for this beautiful woman bobbing up and down his shaft, Cullen knew he wouldn’t last. His hips began to move, couldn’t stop them if he wanted to, but the sounds Tabby was making, grunting each time he pulled those long locks and used her mouth to find satisfaction. Looking down once again through hooded eyes, he nearly came. Lips glistening, cheeks flushed deep rose, eyes closed in so much pleasure, but it was what one of her hands was doing that got to him. 

Tabby pumped him with one hand while her lips made love to him, but the other was buried between her thighs, thin figures pumping in and out, then circling over her clit. He wanted to touch. Wanted to feel her inner walls clenching around him, her voice echoing around the room, her nails dragging down his back so hard mark’s will line his skin for days. 

“Tabby, Love,” he pulls on her hair a little to pull her away from him, coming a little from one particular hard suck, “Let me touch you. Let me feel, please.”

She shakes her head. “No time.” Shifting she lifted herself to kneel before him face now level with his chest. Cullen didn’t waste time catching the hand that had worked her core, bringing it to his mouth and licking them clean. They both moan, him over the sweet nectar bursting over his taste buds. Never had he sampled anything so exquisite back in his world. He wanted more. So much more. 

“Cullen,” she panted, his eyes searing, need pumping off him, “touch me, now, while I…” 

He didn’t wait, ripping the shirt she wore over her head, yanking her close, lips crashing together, one hand pushing her sleep trousers down, fingers taking no time to find that sweet core. He told himself next time he would be gentle. Next they would make love properly, with Cullen worshiping Tabby’s body for hours. Only until she screamed his name three or four times will he take her completely. Mark her as his own like the beast he felt himself turning into. 

“That’s it love, yes, cum for me.”

Tabby rocked back against his hand harder. His cock caught between the two of them, her stomach rubbing against it, grinding, as her hands grip his shoulders. Nails biting into his skin harder and harder. _Yes, oh fuck…_

They came simultaneously. Her inner walls sucking on his fingers, milking them so much it dripped down his hand. His seed smeared on both of them, but neither cared as they attempted to breathe normally again. 

“Next time," he touched her face his breath still taking time to come back to his lungs, "Next time, we'll take our time and I will make love to you again and again until neither of us will be able to move for at least two days.” Cullen felt her inner walls contract which in turn made his cock twitch. 

“Oh God yes,” She leaned in again kissing him slowly, passionately, “If we weren’t so crunched for time I’d push you down and start now." 

They laughed, a light and fluttery feeling swelling in his chest. While Cullen was far from a virgin, having been sexually active since his teens, the idea of love had been so far out of reach. Sex was an urge he either ignored or dealt with quickly on his own or a few time in the past at the blooming rose. He wasn't ashamed. Whenever someone flirted he stuttered out of nerves and blushed because it wasn't something normal, with Tabby this all felt natural. He loved to tease her, play games and talking. This was everything he ever wanted... He was in love. Madly and It killed him to think about leaving... _What if I don't have too. I could stay, learn this world. Be apart of it.... But my family, friends…_ Thades. 

"Cullen?" 

"After we visit your family... When we come back I want to discuss something." 

Those fascinating, soft features of Tabby's face frown slightly before nodding.He needed to think things over to decided. This choice could and would change his whole life. He needed to be sure.


	11. The Drive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tabby and Cullen drive and arrive to the ranch and it seems some ghosts are about to return for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been Laying hints out for a while in the story. I wonder if you all can guess what the big surprise is lol Fandora you cant guess! lol you all ready know lol

Okay, so they were running late, very late, but she couldn’t find it within her body to stress over anything. It was almost eleven and she was just finishing getting ready. They may have, possibly, gotten a little heated again taking another thirty… thirty-five… okay, forty minutes to get out of bed. Those hands and god his mouth… she shivered again the memory only an hour or two old. Her body still humming from the fourth, or was it fifth, orgasm? Regardless she was on cloud nine, legs wobbly, even after the hot bath. They had showered, separately if for no other reason than knowing they were already going to be late and not wanting to make it worse. 

Tabby finished applying her foundation, hair already done and hanging down her back in soft curls. She had opted to dress up to go see her parents, which wasn’t so bad, it normally gave her the chance to wear things she let sit in her closet. The emerald dress was a thicker fabric with a loose neck and quarter sleeves. A thick dark chocolate belt was placed just under bust as an accent and chunky knee high boots also the same brown. She left out quite a few of her piercings in her ears, her industrial remain along with her first three holes. Tiny emerald earrings were the main focus with smaller studs next to them. It was an adorable outfit that would make her father happy, because it covered everything and her mother, because it was fashionable along with cute. 

She was just finishing her eye shadow when thick arms circled her waist, a smile curving her lips, as she refocused on Cullen’s face in the mirror. 

“You told me to let you know if it was getting close to midday,” he kissed along her neck, drinking in her form through the reflection, “you look beautiful.”

“Thank you, and I’m pretty much done. Just need to paint my lips a little.” she reached for the lip gloss, Cullen stopping her, gently using his other to turn her face to look at him.

“Don’t. The car ride will be torture as is and I already want to kiss you silly,” he brushes his lips against hers, lighting seeming to pulse through and down to her core, “don’t have me make us anymore late.” 

She could only breathlessly nodded and noticed his outfit. Perfectly fit dark jeans, black belt and combat boots, and warm olive green sweater. Turning completely in his arms now she touched his chest and smiled at his slicked back hair. This was her commander, all confidence with touch of smugness that only he could pull off. 

“Alright Commander, I’ll behave, but you’re right this will be hard especially because my father is extremely old fashioned and will make us sleep in different rooms. Lucky for you I have some awesome rouge skills.”

"Oh, that should be interesting. Rogues are quite flexible and bend in the most fascinating ways." 

They smile mischief passing between them. 

"Mm, well I guess you will have to just wait and see. Now let's get going. My family isn't very good at waiting." 

Kissing lightly once more they grabbed everything and headed for the car. It was nice day and no snow was in the forecast. Four hours and then four days with her family. Oh god she hoped this all went well. She knew her father too well and after everything with Danny. Cullen would most certainly be receiving the third degree and an interrogation. If he hasn't already done a background check. Ugh god, she really hoped he hadn't tried that. Her embarrassment level would skyrocket and she may kick her father. 

"Alright, let's get comfy," buckling up she reaches for her phone, plugging it in and starting up her travel playlist, "the trip isn't too long but we'll stop for gas and to stretch out our legs about halfway there." 

Panic at the disco's _Ready to go_ begins playing, the upbeat drum and keyboard combo pulsing through to her bones. Excitement and nerves had her leaning over, kissing the corner of his perfect mouth and pressing the button to open the garage. His confession last night still ringing around her mind and god did she want to repeat the words, scream them, but that small voice kept echoing back the truth, _he can't stay._

No, she wouldn't think about that anymore. Whatever this is becoming, this love, she would cherish and hold tightly for as long as she can. Cullen turns, smiling wide. Tabby couldn't help giving him the same grin.

"We're off to see the wizard."

"Wizard?" 

"Figure of speech from a movie. When we get back we'll watch it together. There's so much I want to show you and seeing as we are on borrowed time. I want to give you a lot of memories to look back on." Kissing his lips once more, Tabby starts the car, their little journey finally getting underway. 

****

"You doing okay over there?" 

"I used to think carriage rides were uncomfortable on long stretches, but Maker’s breath, the confinement in transportation is brutal in this world." 

Chuckling while stretching, Tabby unhooks the gas pump hose from the car. They were almost to her parent’s ranch home. The scenery was already changing to more farmlands and less people. The grounds covered in a thick white sheet while the trees sat bare boned to the world. The tiny gas station off the road looked as if it was built in 1945 and been through more than one tough winter. It would be another forty minutes before reaching the ranch. 

It was now or never. She knew her father and his style of ‘dealing’ with men she liked. The man looks like an older Dwayne Johnson (The Rock) and is just as buff and huge. He intimidated any man she has ever brought home. Danny had avoided her father and the visits by being away. Tabby had kept the knowledge of what had been going on for a while, but it didn’t last. She always had a feeling they had somehow found out that he had been beating and emotionally abusing her. 

Exhaling slowly she leans against the hood. 

“So I warned you a little bit about my family and father, which I know you haven’t seen pictures of yet, I normally have them all over the house, but the day you fell into the living room I had taken them down to change the frames. So just a warning, he’s very large and intimidating. He’s about your height, but with a body similar to Iron Bulls.”

“That’s slightly terrifying, for lesser men, but after facing down a horde of rampaging Qunari in Kirkwall I think I will be fine.”

Damn, she hadn’t thought about that. 

“You’re right… but he is my father, does that not worry you?”

A high flush burn right to his ears. She was so mean, she thought while giggling. She just wanted to see that flush. Cullen gave the impression of being far more nervous about things like this, yet he was calm about it until she pointed out it was her father… he was meeting the man that if he would in any other circumstance would have to ask her father for her hand. 

“Tabby, you’re not nice, but if I’m honest then, yes, yes I’m a bit nervous. I want him to approve of us.”

Oh wow… that was, unexpected and it was now her turn to blush. “I, well, oh wow yes, I do to. Damn it there it goes again.”

“What?”

“You stealing my heart, again. That’s twice in one day. If you’re not careful Commander you will have it all soon.” 

She wasn’t sure as she got in the car, but she could have sworn she heard him say, ‘that's the goal.’

** An hour later**

“Hmm, seems Papa finally got the driveway done. Meaning my mother got her way.” she chuckled. Her mother must have, bribed her father with something good, to get him to change the dirt road to something smoother. More modern. The driveway was about a mile long, her father was a very private man and hated having too many people around. According to family history, her grandparents had passed away very young and left the house to him. Tabby and her brother had wondered why it was so important to remain in the house when teenagers. They were nearly ten miles away from the closest, well anything. Now she loved it. The peacefulness soothing to roughened nerves. 

Pulling up to the ranch style home, Tabby could only smile. It really had been far too long since last being here. The brick color exterior and wrap around porch bringing back so many memories. There was still a bent post on the porch from when her brother had chased her around. They had been playing tag and when he went to grab her fell and pushed her into the post. Smacked her head pretty good. Knocked Tabby out for a solid minute or two, which freaked out her brother. It was the first time she’d actually seen her father look panicked. In fact, if her memory served her correctly, he’d cried when she wouldn’t wake up right away. He never cried. Ever. Yet he’d nearly cried for her. 

_Huh, what an odd thing to remember._

Parking they exited the car to start grabbing the bags. Cullen stopping her hand. 

“I’ve got it love.”

“Oh, what a gentlemen,” kisses his lips in thanks, “I better reach the door first. If my mother gets a hold of you before I explain, she will bombard you with a million and one questions.” 

He laughs thanking her for the help.

And damn was her timing amazing. Just as she rounded the back of the car her mother was exiting the house. 

“Mama,” Tabby moved quickly, the older woman just as tiny as Tabby, blonde hair bouncing around her shoulders as they embrace on the top porch, “Oh it’s so good to see you. I missed your hugs. Have you finished that valley piece yet I brought some of the colors you asked for last week. Thankfully I wrote it down. My brain has been a little mushy lately.”

Iridescent blue eyes flecked with just about every shade of color reflecting back at her, as they shifted passed Tabby, that all knowing smile, which only a mother can produce was gifted. 

“If from what I see has a face to match I’m not all that surprised. “

“Mama!”

“What? I’m not blind. For god’s sake just because your father is a gift from the heavens, doesn’t make me dead to the rest of the world. I can look just not touch.”

“Damn right.”

“Papa,” The giant man caught her in a bear hug, she was definitely a daddy's girl. Has been since she was baby according to her mother. They had the same tan skin and dark hair and attitude… well they used to anyway. He had hardened a few years after learning she was seeing Danny. She knew what he was like with men she liked. Stretching up she whispers into his ear, “Be nice to this one Papa. I really like this one. He’s a good man. Best one i’ve ever known, well next to you.”

“I promise nothing.”

“Of course not, but Papa if you ever want me to visit again with your favorite wine and cheese, you will be nice or at least tolerant.”

“You make hard deals my Little Andi.”

Pulling back quickly, Tabby looks into those hard dark honey colored eyes. Andi was her middle name and nickname that only her father called her when she was little. It had been years since he called her that. 

“Papa?”

“Yes?

“Why-”  
The sound of bags falling to the ground catch all of their attentions. Cullen was standing with everything scattered around his feet, his face pale almost as if he’d seen a ghost. Quickly she moved back to him. He looked as if he might faint. 

“Cullen? Cullen, what's wrong?” touching his cheek she could swear it felt colder than it should. Her mother moved just to her right. 

“Tabitha, bring him inside. Let your father take care of the bags. I’ll start up the kettle.”

“Cullen,” voice sharp he finally looks at her and instantly she feels a shift. He smiles, weakly, and takes the hand from his shoulder and kisses the top. A flash of heat spreads up her neck and toward her hairline. The man was a gentleman naturally, but damn having that pointed in her direction was too much. “I, oh wow, I know you’re trying to distract me with chivalry.” 

Now he smiles genuinely. “Is it working?” 

“You have no idea,” she pulls her hand back, not really letting go of him, “Come on, and come inside. You’re still pale I want - my mother wants you to drink some tea. My father will take care of the bags.”

“What? No, no, I’ve got them.” He was determined. So much so that she knew if she fought they would argue over something ridiculous. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, now go. I’ll follow your, father,” He looks over her shoulder again, and Tabby whips around.

“Papa!”

“What?” 

“Stop.”

“Stop what? I only looked at your… friend.”

“With you that enough. Now stop. Ugh, that’s it no cheese and wine for you. I’m telling mama to throw it all away. ”

Flaming mad she storms away to enter the house. _Honestly! Its clear Cullen isn’t Danny, It should be obvious with the warning just two seconds ago. Unbelievable._ She slowed down just outside of the kitchen, stopping completely in the doorway her mind rolling over the events again. She was missing something. 

Something important.


	12. Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's alive... Cullen couldn't believe it... he was really alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its that time! The secret is about to be revealed and all of the guesses I got were funny and good! Allysonwonderlnd you were the one to guess right so as a gift to you I will write any kind of one shot for any DA characters you wish me too. :D Contact me through the comments and I will do my best to get it up in a good amount of time. :D 
> 
> Enjoy Everyone!

The wind whipped around his form. The chill penetrating further below his skin and settling around his organs. The man before him the spitting image of his once old friend. Yet something churned in the back of Cullen's mind that told him this wasn't simply a mere coincidence. 

“You died.”

Those eyes, dark and rich with life considered him for a long moment. 

“I died.” 

_Maker's breath! How could this be?_

Strong well worked fingers in cased his right shoulder. 

“Breathe Cullen. My daughter would kill me if you passed out. More than likely thinking I tried to kill you. Then my wife would have words and things would get complicated and I'd have to hurt you if I was kicked from my bed tonight. Really it would just be a vicious cycle for us.” 

“But you died! I shouldn't even be having this conversation with you! Maker's breath, what is going on here Bain?” 

A vibration of magic hummed around Cullen. His eyes widening to marble size. Tabby had told him that the concept of magic was very different than in his world. Here it was almost nonexistent. 

But here Bain was very clearly keeping his cool and using magic that was very familiar.

“Calm down. I will explain things if you let me. I wasn't going to harm you. I was feeling to see how you got here. Cullen I need you to listen to me, you being here is very bad, but it's cold as hell and the longer I keep you out here the crazier those women will be with me so, let's grab your things and go inside.” 

Numbly he reaches down for the bags and follows Bain. His mind racing faster than it ever had to with one single thought.

_The Hero of Ferelden was alive…_

Warmth from the heating system washes over his face, rewarming chilled skin. Tabby was waiting for them in the doorway. He could hear movement, the scent of spices and herbs wafting out from the what was clearly the kitchen. Cullen couldn’t help smiling as their eyes met. She was nervous with them being alone. If she only knew how well they really knew one another. 

“Papa, why is he so pale? What did you say to him? Cullen don’t cover for him. I know how he can be.”

“What? Nothing, it’s just the cold. He and I are going to talk in the study,” Bain mocked offense for all of a moment before leaning over to kiss her head, “tell your mama to knock when dinner's ready.”

“Papa, I mean it. Don’t do what you normally do. I’ll never forgive you.”

He waves her off and walking ahead.

“The boy will love my knife collection. Oh maybe later I’ll show him the forge.”

“Dad!” Laughter echoed down the hallway as Bain disappeared into a room around the corner. Cullen stops and hands Tabby the bags. The glare she was giving her father helping to clear some of the fog in his own head. When she finally looked to him there was worry in those warm eyes. _How had I missed their likeness? The intensity, the kindness, it was all there._ Cupping her face, caressing each cheek with his thumb. Something begins to settle in his chest. A feeling so intense and overwhelming that had he not already known his feeling for her, this moment left him without any doubt. 

“Cullen?” 

_I love you._ The words sure as his loyalty to his family and country. _Later, I will tell her later._ Brushing his lips over hers, Cullen whispered the silent promise.

“He’ll be fine with your father. Do not worry. He can be so overbearing when he wants to and he more than likely threaten your life at least twice.”

“It will be fine.” he chuckled letting her go even though his instinct was demanding to pull her closer. 

“I don’t know whether to think you brave or an idiot.”

“Probably both.”

She was about to comment when her mother leaned out into the doorway. 

“Tabitha, can you help me over here? This sauce doesn’t taste quite right. Oh and before my husband gets his hands you, I want to properly greet you dear.” 

Wiping her hands on a small rag, golden locks of hair a shade or two darker than his own bounce around her face. Tabby was beyond a doubt a mixture of both of her parents, but it was very clear she favored her mother's features. Soft lines crease at the corner of her eyes, a large smile forming on her lips as she holds out her hand.   
“Anya Amell, it’s so nice to meet you.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you too, my name is Cullen Rutherford.”

“Oh, you finally brought home a young man with manners, this is a change.”

“Mama, really?” Tabby groaned covering her face for a moment. 

“Oh relax sweetie, it’s not like I’m flashing your baby pictures at him, yet.” Tabby looked at the ceiling making Cullen laugh outright. This was mild compared to his family. The stories his sisters and mother would tell… _Don’t go there._ He told himself after a split second of loss twisting his stomach. Anya winked at him, letting go of his hand to turn him toward the hallway. 

“Go on to the study Cullen, my husband is not known for patience.”

Oh did he know that one well, Bain was always cautious, but he hated waiting. When they were in the circle together, the man was known for being on time and short with those who were late. Alister once told him, the only reason he was better about dates and times was because of Bain. The man would light his bed on fire to get him up in the mornings or dump a bucket of ice water over his head. _Hmm might need to use that one for the Inquisitor._

Leaning over once more he brushes a kiss over Tabby’s lips once more. 

“Have fun.”

“Don’t die.”

Cullen rolled his eyes with affection and made his way to the study. His smile slipping as he entered the room. It was very Bain. Books lined the walls. Every type of history and cultural book lining the walls. A large redwood desk faces away from a large window. Bain stood next to a small liquor cabinet. Pouring two glasses. 

“Close the door. This house is sound proof, but my child is very good sneaking up on even me. Would have made a damn good rouge. My mother would have been proud had they ever met.”

Motioning for him to sit Cullen takes the glass, but doesn’t drink. A building knot in his stomach telling him to save it. 

“If I’m to believe the game my daughter plays, our world is going to shit in a handbasket. Fade being ripped open, Tevinter Magister wanting to be a god. Honestly I thought the Blight was the worst thing to happen. Oh and most of my family is dead. Though I’m a little vague on that. ”

“You never got to meet Varric, but if to what he wrote is to believed, which most is very exaggerated, Hawke wasn’t left in the fade. Carver is a Warden. Bethany died trying to save everyone from an hurlock and your aunt… They ended up in Kirkwall Bain and a lot of things happened, Blood magic was running rampant,” Cullen took a breath looking at Bain a deep sadness still in his chest. He may not have liked how Hawke dealt with certain things, No one should lose their mother the way he did, “She was murdered. Hawke killed the bastard, but it nearly destroyed him. He had friends though, he even fell in love. Tales of him and Fenris are notorious, much like your own with a certain rouge.”

Cullen watched Bain swallow the entire glass then pour another. 

“How is Lily?”

“Good, Spymaster for the Inquisition. Even was in line to become Divine, but Inquisitor Lavellan choose Cassandra Pentaghast, a seeker. Good woman and warrior. She wanted to bring the Chantry back to its old purposes, helping people not denying them. She wants to make changes, but its slow going. Mages are free now.”

“How are you handling that?”

Cullen took a deep breath. He knew this would come up, but had hoped not to talk about it. 

“I have a lot of scars. I’m not completely whole, but better then when you found me all those years ago. I...I made some really bad choices in Kirkwall. I felt I was right in my thinking then and I was still suffering. Lyrium my own option to forget, yet I was losing myself in the process. It’s complicated, just know I’m better and I’m dealing with my demons, many healing thanks you Tabby.”

Nodding Bain tapped a finger against the glass in his hand. They were older hands, a golden band on his left hand looking as if it has there for years. It was then that Cullen noticed that the man before him was older than he should be. 

“You’re older. Much older then you should be.”

“Time runs differently here. When I was ‘reborn’ into this world I aged in a different way. We live longer in Thedas. Our bodies age slower.” 

“It’s only been thirteen years, and Tabby is in her twenties.” 

Bain shrugs. 

“The twins were a surprise. I was Anya first and last. I loved Lily, but, Anya is my soul. Funny how love takes different forms. You’ll learn, once you go back.”  
Now he took that drink. Down the entire glass and then coughing as it burns like dragon’s breath.

“What?”

“You can’t stay here Cullen. The ‘dead’ can only cross over to here and it is only Wardens that are given the second chance. We sacrifice our bodies to the blight and those of us who kill an Archdemon are allowed to keep our memories and talents. Others are reborn to a new life. Don’t ask me why or how, but this is just how it’s been. Anya was the daughter to the last Warden to kill an Archdemon. If we have children we can pass on our magic and understanding of what they’re duty is.”

“Which is?”

“To protect this world from ours. Cullen the magic of our would destroy this one, We aren’t meant to move between them, but the ancient elves linked us together.”

“The Eluvians, you’re speaking of the mirrors.”

“Yes, I’m sure Morrigan told you all of the inbetween space. All of those mirrors in one place leading to Maker knows where else. The theory is that there are different versions of our world. Based on our choices a different world exists.”

Cullen’s head was spinning, but he tired to take it in. 

“So you’re saying there is a different world out there, where I stayed on lyrium. Where I did hurt all those people in Kirkwall.”

Bain shook his head leaning forward to rest his elbows on his legs. 

“Yes, and no. Major events are locked in time. You can’t change them from happening, but your personal choices, those can be altered. So you made the personal choice to not take lyrium anymore. Meredith had to find that idol and needed to go crazy in order for your timeline and Hawkes to move forward. I know it’s complicated. It took forever for me to understand.”

“What if I want to stay. What if my next choice is to remain here, with Tabby?”

Cullen saw the pity, the sadness and the truth of the answer that didn’t need to be spoke. 

“If you remain, our worlds could collide into each other.”

“But you don’t know. Nothing could happen.”

“I'm not willing to risk it. I'm sorry Cullen.” 

“Damnit Bain, I'm in love with her. I'm better with Tabby. I’m willing to trade anything to stay.”

“Cullen, please, as someone that has lives that count your choices being right, you must understand that while I sympathize with you. I can’t.”

Glaring, fists clenched behind his head. Cullen wanted to punch the man before him. Why did he get the feeling this had less to do with the people and more about Tabby. Then he saw it the doubt as Cullen’s silence lengthened. Bastard.

“I am not him. I would never hurt her Bain. Don’t lump me in with Danny. I know you know about what happened. No father, doesn’t know when their child is being hurt. After everything that happened to your family…” 

“You would defy me? Put this world in danger, risk my anger?”

“Yes.”


	13. IMPORTANT Note to everyone!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Read below

Hello my Lovies!!!! 

And don't worry I am not stopping the story, so take the breath this little note may have taken from you for a half a second lmao

I know I have been gone a long time even for me. I wanted to just say I haven't stopped writing. I just really had to focus on school and finals. I have a few papers that must get done first, but I do have the next couple chapters already written I just need to edit and post. The date I'm looking to hit for is just after Christmas. Though knowing myself the way I do my Xmas gift to you all with be the next chapter or three lmao 

NO PROMISES though. 

Another thing you should all know is that Fandora's story Voice In the Silence and Two World's are connected. The series will be call Through the Looking glass. I highly suggest you all head over and read her story! The stories are starting to converge and some crazy stuff is about to happen. 

Hearts to you all and for being to patient with me. I loved the little comments those of you have left and it means a lot to me. 

Okay now I must be off. I have to write a paper that due tomorrow at midnight and a portfolio and study for an exam lol Wish me luck!

<3 <3 <3 <3


	14. Holiday at the Amell's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen is willing to fight and we finally get to meet Tabby's brother Markus!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm BACK! WOOOOOOOOOOO! *happy dance* school and Christmas are finally over and I can focus on my writing once again. Another heads up to start reading Fandora's Voice in the Silence! Things will be bleeding over into one another soon! so catch up so you aren't confused!
> 
> Love you all for being so understanding about school and work!

The silence was palpable. Sparks were nearly flying off both men as neither would back down. It had been years, but the man was still as much of the bull as before. Cullen figured this trait of his would had dulled with age. Clearly he’d been wrong and damn if Tabby wasn’t increasing this effect.   
“I’ve always admired you Cullen and your ability to think quickly. At the moment-”

“Markers Breath. You are such a stubborn old man. Nearly as bad as Dominic.”

“Who?”

Cullen exhaled softly thinking about his good friend. Bain and the Inquisitor sharing more than on quality while still managing to be ridiculously different. 

“Inquisitor Dominic Lavellen, Herald of Andraste, though that is a title he used to venomously disregard. He is an Elf with part human blood coming from noble line. We never were able to find out who. Stubborn, Vigilant, Honorable, and a man who couldn’t be on time even if it was his funeral.” 

“You respect him.”

Cullen nodded. “I do. More so than even I would have thought. He doesn’t care about what country you’re from or the race. He demanded only respect and an open mind. Dominic wanted people to understand more and think less of differences and hate.” Smirking they both knew Bain had tried to achieve a similar plan, but the Blight made it difficult. “Ignorance is one thing he could never stand for. It didn’t matter what background you came from. The idea of hating another for being not like you or others was idiocy. Dorian, his husband, told me once what happened when you really made Dominic angry… it’s not pretty. Limbs were nearly severed from nobles.”

“Dorian?”

“He’s a mage from Tevinter, but he’s a good man. We didn’t use to be friends or close, until we began to play chess and little by little we found an understanding between the two of us. When Dominic finally allowed himself to love Dorian, they both became my best friends. They held me up when the days were bad. They tried to make things easier even when there was far more important things to be done. They are my family.”

“And you would sacrifice never being able to see them again? For Tabitha?”

He would. Over and over again. That should unnerve him, but it no longer did the emotions growing as if it had been months instead of a handful of days. The fire burned deep and flickered each time they touched. Just being this far from her felt as if strings were being pulled, unraveling in such a way a small unknown ache began to build. Fidgeting in his seat Cullen looked to his old friend once more. He had to convince him. 

“Bain-”

The sound of a car cut him off. Doors of the vehicle opening and closing. 

“It seems my son has finally shown up.” Bain rose. “I have said my peace on the matter old friend. I will not repeat myself. Now come and meet the rest of the family.”

“Wait-”

Bain didn’t stop, simply passed Cullen and opened to door. Voices echoing down the hallway. _Damn it..._

*****

*Tabby*

They had been in the study only twenty minutes and Tabby was worried. Her father was a nudge on a normal day and now Cullen, stubborn just like her father, whatever was happening when they came out someone possibly was going to be bleeding, dead or knocked out cold. 

“Mama, I'm worried.” She said kneading dough, hands covered in flower, for her mother's early holiday meal. _Oh wow…_ looking at the calendar on the wall, Tabby felt her chest tighten. It was almost Christmas. Two more weeks in fact. Thinking back she remembers the day at the mall not being crazy packed but Christmas music had been humming in the background. The DA festival had trees decorated and the tavern having a slight hint of cinnamon to the air. How could she have forgotten that? She stared at the calendar again and smirked. The date for today was circled with a heart. 

Her mother loved the holidays, putting up the tree and covering the house with lights always bringing that certain smile and childlike quality to the older woman’s face. This year they couldn’t meet on the day because of her brother and father's schedules. So they all choose to meet early. _God… I had been such a bitch on the phone. Canceled almost twice._ Only this hadn’t been the first time. She’d done this a lot in the last few years. Disappointing them all. _Wow, I suck. Even with Cullen here and taking up much of my processing power. I should have known… remembered._ Guilt began to coil around in her stomach, that old humming feeling tingling down her arms. Though she really hasn’t celebrated the holidays in years. It was a little disconcerting that she’d forgotten the holiday almost entirely. It’s been four years since she’s even put up a tree or any kind of decoration. It had been four years since she celebrated anything really. A deep warmth began to build behind her left ear. Wincing slightly as the feeling in her arms began to build further, just as he mother chimed in. 

“Tabitha honestly, your father isn't going to eat the man. Now keep kneading that dough, everything is gonna be fresh tonight. The season was good for us this year. Fresh pumpkin pie and apple, oh and you’re brother should be on his way. I think he said he was bringing John, but you know that boy and his animals.”

Up to her elbows in flour and dough, she did as told. Her mother liked to ramble, but it was comforting to be around it again. It made her chuckle to think that even before the craze for organic or local grown foods was made popular her mother was very much a stickler. They did everything “old school”. Grew nearly all of their own food on the property, raised chickens, pigs, cattle, sheep. You name the type of animal they had it. The ranch was massive in land quantity. In fact, they had over 100 acres of land. Many of the farms near them were on Amell land. Their family renting out plots; there were about seven families on their land that had been around for generations. If memory serves her right her friend John’s family has owned the land down the road for three generations, sadly his parents died before they had gotten to know each other. John was adopted when he was sixteen and placed in one of the most elite schools in the country. They didn’t meet until she joined the military. After he got injured a few years ago and was discharged he’d decided to turn the family plot into an animal sanctuary. It was a promising place and he took in just about any animal. Cats of course being the most abundant.

_Huh, Cullen is right. John is a lot like Anders. I’ll need to tell him later._

Glancing down the hall for the fifth time, biting her lip, after another ten minutes passed. The silence officially making her nerves crackle and pop. The air around her even started to buzz, that small burn behind her ear, making Tabby want to scratch at the spot.

“It's too quiet. I should go-” 

“Tabitha Ani Amell, set one foot down that hallway and I will put you on onion duty for the rest of your stay.” The tiny woman warned. Tabby _hated_ cutting onions, used a processor any time she time she had to cook with it. Loved the flavor and putting it in food, but cutting it. Nope. No way. 

“Oooo, onion duty and full name. I’d say stay where you are little sis. Last time she did that to me, I had red itchy eyes still a week later.” Tabby groaned playfully, the deep voice from the hallway turning her head. Leaning in the doorway, stood her GQ model of a twin brother. Born only a few minutes apart, Tabby being the oldest, he still called her little sis. Glaring she stops working on the bread.

Short dark coffee brown hair, bright blue eyes, the same as their mothers, complimented his naturally tan skin giving him strikingly good looks. He could even give Dorian a run for his money. Odd to say as a sister, but she wasn’t blind and Markus knew how good looking he was and god did it give him confidence by the bucket load. Some could call it being smug or snobby, but really he just knew what he had and worked it. He was a good man. Pain in the ass brother, but still had a big heart. Shaking her head she smirks to herself. _What John sees in him I’ll never know._ The two men were beyond different in so many ways, yet they seemed to make it work. Resting a hip on the counter she turned.

“Well if it isn't the prodigal son. Looking fashion forward as always.” 

A wicked grin curved his full lips. 

“Awe, don't be jealous, kitten. As my twin you gained the same beauty. You just refuse to use it the way I do. Now where is your friend? I've been dying to meet him all week.” 

Tabby rolled her eyes. “Of course you have.” She pointed down the hall. “He's talking with Papa in the study. I was told you were bringing John, where is he?” 

The flash of fear crosses his face for half a second. Blinking anyone would have missed it, his features moving onto surprise. Once again, Tabby felt her stomach twist. A gnawing almost tight churning feeling poking at her stronger now. A sharp pinch at the back of her ear causes her to flinch and rub at the area. Something was going on. The vibration in her limbs pulsing every few moments the first warning. 

Markus moves forward, brushing back a piece of hair. Instantly the feeling stops and he flicks her ear.   
“I'm surprised you let dad within ten feet of him. I can go check on them for you.” He said a cocky grin turning his lips.

“Markus you set one foot near that door and the next time you want a home cooked meal you better be ready to make it yourself.” Their mother snapped holding her famous wooden spoon, pointing it at them in warning. “You know better. Besides your father has already been warned by your sister.” They exchange looks, a silence filling room just before laughter bounces off the walls. 

They all knew she would never hit them. She gave looks and threatened them a lot, but really their mother was just too kind. Their father, well he was a different story. They loved and respected the man more than words could say. He was the steel force behind the family. He stood strong next to their mother, holding them all up even when they didn’t realize it. 

Was he old fashioned? 

Yes, but never not understanding. When Markus was a teen and knew he was gay, their father just hugged him and said it was alright. He'd always known and loved him no matter what. Markus spent half the day crying and talking with him on how scared he’d been. Tabby remembers hugging her twin that night so proud of his strength. Looking at him now, the confidence and grace he poured out into the world… _So much has changed. He’s become the man he hoped for and more. And I’ve never told him how proud I am of him..._ Cleaning off her hands, body moving before she even fully finished her thoughts, she hugged him close.

“Woah, Tabby?” 

“I love you cub.” 

He was stiff for a moment his long arms resting at his side for a moment. She hadn’t called him cub in a long, long time. The last time having been just before the accident...She felt him start to tremble, arms reaching up to hug her back, tightly. It had been a long time since they hugged like this. The day she shipped out to Iraq being the last… looking down the hallway behind him she went back to that day the memory playing out like a projected movie. 

_John stood beside Markus, eyes hard and yet sorrowful as they watched me stand with his company. He knew what I was about to experience would change many of my perspectives on the life and the world. Knew that after this I wouldn’t be the same Tabby. I remember his tight hug and muttered advice, reminding me to keep my head down and focused on keeping their friends alive. I was their medic now, their healer. The job was a key role and not to let him down. His tone was gentle with a touch of gravel to it as what he really meaning to say was as loud as a Queen concert, “Please, don’t die.”_

_My parents were a little a ways standing behind a small chain link fence with the other family members and all of our friends. I can see still feel my father’s rib crushing hug and my mother’s endless tears as they said goodbye. Markus, having arrived late, stood before me then the only one left. He stood tall, cracking jokes and trying to make light of everything._

_I knew him better though._

_He was upset, angry even that I was the one that had to go. I was just a nurse to him. No real combat training behind me and yet, I was chosen. I was the one with cross hairs pointed at my head. The fear that blazed in his eyes was upsetting. In a way I understood, we all knew, that one mistake, one moment could take everything away from not only me, but the men I was looking after. It took a few more jokes about her and the desert heat and Ben coming to tap me on the shoulder, which he began to crack. That steel bravado crumbling as his shoulders curled in, shaking violently as he clung to me. It took every ounce of steel in my nervous system not to fumble and cry with him.  
“It’s going to be okay.” I whisper. He immediately calls me a liar, but I simply smile into his shoulder and continue. “I love you and don’t worry. I’m too much like dad to go off and die on you. I mean who else will you call at 3 am with man problems?” We laughed, ignoring the possibility this could be our last goodbye._

It took three more jokes like that to get him to let her go and even more promises. After that to get him to let her go. Thinking back to the type of person she was, to the one they all knew, Tabby felt empty, like all the sunshine that made her who she was, was sucked out and given back duller and greyer. She’d been goofy and sassy, a little nerdy, but confident in her own skin. Anger bubbled up again as she realized once again just how much Danny had stolen. The old Tabby would never abandon her family. Would have told everyone how much she loved them and was proud to be their daughter or sister. Yet, she’d become a timid introvert, who forgot the holidays or just wanted to be left alone to her paintings and games. 

Only she’d started to find her footing again. Dragon Age and its characters building some of what she lost back up. And Cullen… Tabby smiled thinking about her Commander and the love she felt for him. It was warm. Flowing over the icy and broken pieces of her spirit, mending wounds she’d thought long since scared over. No, she wasn’t completely the same, the change was too prominent, but the confidence was returning. The willingness to allow affection and love to be taken in without suspicion and pain. 

Markus pulls back slightly. Those bright eyes shining a bit. Pressing their foreheads together he whispers, “Welcome back Tabs.”

Smiling she gives a small nod. “It's good to be back, cub.”


	15. Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something is going on with Tabby, Cullen is lost, and Markus tells him to quite being a wussy.... in so many words... kinda. Sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got home very late from work, but couldn't sleep yet so I worked on this lol If it stops making sense toward the bottom I'm sorry I am very tired. Anyway, ENJOY!

They were having a moment. One of those holiday movie types that left everyone smiling and teary eyed. Tabby laughed to herself for a moment think this was closest they had been in years. “We are so sappy right now aren’t?” 

Markus chucked and kissed her forehead. “Yep, and I think we made mom cry.”

A loud sniff sounded behind them. Turning they looked to their mother, tears staining her cheeks.

“Oh mama, you’re messing up your makeup.” she said lightly still laughing. 

“I’m just so happy.” she said voice cracking. 

Tabby calls her mother over, hugging the tiny woman close. The woman was so easy to make cry. Markus and she at one point took it as a contest to see who could do it first. Their father of course hates it because if she’s all weepy the man melts and spends about ten minutes trying to calm her down. It didn’t matter that they were happy or sad tears, he always has to calm her down. There were times when she was young she remembers seeing them wrapped in each other’s arms. Swaying together. Her father whispering things to her mother and then they kiss and laugh. Such sweet moments. The back of her ear pinched again, an echo of her mother screaming filtering through making Tabby’s insides ice over.   
_What.... what was that?_

She looks to Markus, he’s laughing down at their mother, telling her how silly she was and if their father came out and saw her they’d all be in for it. Letting her mother go she smiles tightly. 

“Well, I don’t know whether I should be concerned or upset at his little hug fest. Anya honey why are you crying?” 

“Oh Bain, you just missed just a beautiful moment. The kids-” she hiccupped fresh tears surfacing.

“Damn it Pop, I almost had her calm.” Markus groaned. Hugging their mother again to his side Tabby rubbing her back, all the while trying not to laugh. 

Tabby watched her father exit the office rolling his eyes subtly, while taking up most of the hallway space, so she nearly didn’t see Cullen following behind. Once they walked out of the hall familiar amber eyes flickered to her face and then down, staring at Markus arm that was wrapped around her back. Carefully she moved from his embrace, kissing both his and their mother’s cheeks before letting go and stepping past her father, who she also hugged quickly on the arm. 

Fixing herself close to Cullen’s side, one arm curving behind his back. Tabby almost giggled watching a light blush forming on his cheeks. The man was so easy to read. The slight jealousy actually kind of cute to see. Following her lead he wrapped an arm around her waist a little tighter as Markus watched him both. 

“Cullen, I'd like you to meet my brother Markus,” she reaches out, her twin taking her hand, while their father moved to take care of their mother, a smirk curving his lips as he stepped forward, “Markus this is Cullen, my boyfriend.” 

One would think would be a happy moment, not perfect because no overprotective brother likes the man in his sister's life. Yes, Markus was a smart ass, but Cullen had steal worthy manners, offending himself before another, yet as both men stood before the other a very peculiar air curled around the room. Eyes flash between the two men one, Cullen, looking ready to kill while the other, Markus, seemed to just be enjoying the show. The twist in her gut tightened, the hum and pinch behind her ear causing her to clench her fist. 

_Ugh. Why can nothing be normal in this house? We were just have a beautifully happy moment._ She thought leveling Markus with a look.

“Markus.” she warned.

“What? I’m not doing anything.”

“Mhm.” 

Feeling the small vibration in Cullen’s chest as a warning she moved between the too men drawing the attention away from her brother even though he towered over her like their father. Amber eyes shifted down. She could see a small war happening behind them, before it vanished and he smiled. Wanting to keep the peace that was left in the room she smiled back, brushing the tips of her fingers along his jaw for a second before turning around. She would inquire to Cullen’s reaction in a moment. First, she needed to get them away. 

“Alright, I’m going to show Cullen around. You two,” she points to her father and brother. “Mom needs help with the food. Enjoy onion duty and Markus if you burn that bread I was making I'll fry you myself.” Markus mock laughed as he disappeared with their father and mother. 

Lacing her fingers together with Cullen’s, Tabby pulled him around entering into the living room toward the staircase. “Mom wanted to give us our own room, but at my father's brooding and growling she could only manage giving us rooms next to each other.”

“It's... fine.” He said voice clipped and suddenly the talk she assumed went well clearly hadn't. Stopping just outside her old bedroom Tabby rounds on him causing them to collide. One arm flashes around her waist to stop either from falling. Flush against his form, warmth spread down and across her body. Whatever was going on she wanted to know about it… but the press of his chest to hers, the heat passing through her dress. Calling it distracting was an understatement. Clearing her throat Tabby went for a firm tone. 

“Cullen, what is going on?”

“I don’t-”

“Don’t lie to me. Something is wrong. Was it my father?” he remained silent. “Ugh, what did he say? Was it to stay away from me? I swear that man-”

“Tabby, please, that isn’t what... your father is a good man. We had a moment of disagreement, but it passed. I have much on my mind and your brother just reminded me of someone unpleasant. His voice simply triggered a bad memory.”

Sighing she backs away from him. Whatever was going on in his head was something he was willing to share and as much as she wanted to push, her gut was telling her to back off. 

“Alright. Come on, I put your things with mine, then I’ll show you to your room.” she said motioning for him to follow. The door they approached was purple and gold old stickers and drawings from her teenage years still there. According to her mother it was her father that wanted to leave things as they had been. Tabby knew letting her leave home and join the military had been hard on him. The man was a softy on the inside. His need to protect them, it was practically embedded in his bones to do so even now. 

Inside, teal blue walls, much like her hair, greeted them, posters of her favorite bands and video games plastered to the walls. Pictures with her family and best friends scattered around the room, littered on the walls and attached to her vanity. Smiling she touched the one of her and Markus. Their town was home to one of the top schools for the deaf and blind in the nation. The community consisting mostly of them. Since they had been young, it was mandatory to know ASL. The young boy in the picture with them is one of the brightest to come of the school in years and a family friend. Jamie was one of those kids that can always make you laugh. Both of his parents were regulars at her mother's shop in town, and even his- 

A sharp pain, unlike before sliced up and around her head from the back of her ear. Hissing she touches the area leaning against the dresser. A face of a young woman, familiar bright blue hair and honey maple eyes, warm and filled with laughter... her features move through a cloud of smoke. It’s hazy the image fluttering in and out of focus. Tabby knew her… the name sitting on the edge of her thoughts. Why couldn’t recall- another shot sliced down her spine. This time she couldn’t muffle the sound of her gasp or the rolling of her stomach. 

“Tabby?” he was there in an instant. Hovering close, supporting without overwhelming her now heightened senses. The hand behind her ear clutching onto hair as it heats up. She felt him move, his hand unlatching her own to the lift the hair. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, “I haven’t had these pains in a long time.” The intake of breath from his end couldn’t be missed. “The scar is a little nasty I know. It hasn’t bothered me for a while, so I’m not sure what’s going on. Stress maybe.” 

“How long have you had this?” 

That was a new tone. Turning she looked into his eyes, they were like steel. A quiet rage looking as if it was building. 

“It happened when I was a child. Ten maybe eleven, there was an accident… I was with Markus and I fell. I don’t remember much after that, I hit my head pretty hard from what my father said. Why?”

About four different emotion filtered through those amber orbs. None of which were good. _Why would the scar upset him?_

“Cullen?”

Refocusing he smiled, “Sorry, just the idea of you getting hurt… it’s not something I’m fond of thinking about.” 

He was lying. She knew it, but why? It was just a scar. Nodding, she turns around a little hurt by his sudden lack of trust. The closet was before now and she was a little surprised to see it open. Some of her clothes still hung in closet, the color palette consisting of mainly all black with bursts of purple, teals, greens and grey. _Ah, my punk and emo days. God I was such a little shit._ Tabby was a good girl, but there was a time when she a bit of a rebel. A sixteen she had developed an attitude and the need to defy everyone and everything. Parents and Markus included. Tired of being just Markus's sister, Tabby back then looked for ways to set herself apart. Dying her hair, wearing short skirts, fishnets, belly shirts, she listened to very unhappy music, even her artwork turned to a darker path. It was all very strange and the friends she had back then weren’t the greatest. Some were sweet and she still speak to, but then there were those that took her down a very unpleasant path. When they tried to get her to drink and do drugs Tabby backed out. In her senior year of high school she’d calmed down, much to her family's delight, though the clothes lasted longer making her father upset. 

Smirking she moved around a few things.

“Huh, I thought they threw out this skirt.” she said reaching into the closet and pulling the blue and black plaid skirt, one of the more milder ones she’d had as it had reached just to the middle of her thigh. Checking the tag she wondered if she would fit into it again, only to sigh realizing if she tried her butt would hang out it like those girls in porno's. Her hand was about to place it back on the hook when a certain strong pale one covered over her own. 

Brow arched, amber and cinnamon eyes meet, fire, a different kind than before, burns just under the surface. Smirking she turns to face him completely the skirt held between them. 

“Commander, is there something you need?” 

“What is this?”

“A skirt.”

“No, a skirt is long and covers legs to the floor. This is….”

“Enticing, sexy, maybe even tempting?”

Tension eased off his shoulders, tension she hadn’t noticed before, his arm twisting around her waist. Whatever hurt was muddling around in her system still disappeared. There was no point in upsetting the balance between them. If Cullen wanted to say something he would, sometimes he’s just slow to the uptake. Patients is a virtue as they say. 

“Tempting, very tempting, but your family is just below us. I don’t think loving you until,” he leans in close, whispering, “You’re screaming my name again would be wise.”

A deep seeded shiver coursed through her core. “Hmm, well I’ve always been a bit of rebel and the possibly of getting caught is a little exciting, but you’re right. But,” Stepping closer, fully aware that what she was about to say would move their relationship to the final level. “I suggest you leave your door unlocked tonight Commander. A little blue bird might wish to visit you, possibly in this.” Tabby lets the skirt dangle from her finger.

A crimson flush moves up his neck to ting his ears. _Oh… so he can blush like that._ Grinning like the Cheshire Cat Tabby kisses him lightly on the lips. Confidence was a funny thing, coming and going as it pleases and yet, Tabby was dripping with it. It had been a while, but she was very much enjoying the effect it had on her Commander. Pressing her body flush against his, she places the shirt back. Picking up his bag and taking his hand Tabby leads him to his room. 

It was beautifully styled with dark wood floors and bed and light tan gold walls. She showed him the bathroom and where to place his things. He commented on the painting in the room knowing it was one of hers. 

“My father was very fond of this one. Said it reminded him of home. Funny, now that I look at it, it looks just like the countryside in Ferelden. I hadn't started playing the game though when I painted this… Huh, freaky how things end up.” 

Cullen hummed his agreement wrapping his arms around her waist to hug her from behind. The warmth of his chest seeping through her clothes to her back. Slowly and without much thought they began to rock back and forth. A silent song playing for them as they enjoyed the quiet moment.

Which lasted all of five seconds. 

“Well aren't you too the most adorable sight. It's so cute I might gag.” 

Sighing she turned to look at Markus. The smug look of the cat catching the canary, causing her to roll her eyes. 

“Honestly you know how to kill a moment.” 

“Hey, just be glad it was me. Dad would be glaring daggers at the poor guy. Probably set him on fire too.” 

“I'll count that as a small favor. Now what do you want?” 

“Mom wants you. Something about dad and I being incompetent and useless in the kitchen and to tell you John is one his way.” 

Snorting Tabby reached back turning her head to kiss Cullen lightly on the lips. 

“Get yourself settled then come down. My father seemed to approve of you, but if he invites you out to the shed in the back say no.” 

Markus burst out with laughter having to lean against the wall for support. 

“May I ask why?” Cullen said one brow raised.

“Just say no. That’s all and you,” she points to her brother, “I’m walking away now, but as your sister and twin I’m warning you now to keep the interrogation to a minimum. Don’t forget physically i’m stronger than you and if Cullen so much comes down gritting his teeth. You will regret it.” She kissed Cullen’s cheek and before passing Markus, stops. “If you so much as mention last Christmas -”

“Damn woman relax. I promise to behave now go before mom freaks out at dad. He’s already offered to grill everything so we can eat dinner sooner.” 

“Oh for the love of… ugh. Dad get out of the kitchen!” she yelled as she darted down the stairs. 

****  
 ***Cullen***  
Blue and brown curls bounce against her back, that fiery attitude he loved moving down the stairs. Smirking Cullen shook his head at Tabby’s antics, she was truly something. He waited, chuckling as he heard her scolding Bain, but once he was sure she was out of earshot he charged for the tall well-groomed man. Markus was quick though, much quicker than he looked. 

“Whoa, hang on their Commander.” he said hands in the air. 

“You blighted bastard, give me one good reason I shouldn’t kill you where you stand.” He lunges forward again missing the man before him by inches. 

“Because,” he said jumping across the large bed, placing it between them before standing straight, “you love my sister and killing me would make her cry. Oh and my father would likely kill you and then she would cry more. So, if you want to be the reason she lives out the rest of her life in tears I’d be a little nicer to me.”

“Point made, but I can still beat the shit out of you.” 

Markus held his ground when Cullen came at him this time allowing him to pin him to the wall his forearm putting pressure on the Markus throat. For a long moment Cullen didn’t move against the man before him. Eyes bluer than he’d ever known watched him calmly. 

“You’re a mage… the one that brought me here.” 

Markus shrugged, neither confirming nor denying the fact. Maker, Cullen hated confident mages. 

“Why?” he growled.

“Because she needed you and if I was going to get back my sister, I didn’t care if I ended the world.”

Cullen wouldn’t argue that, yet now the pain would be unbearable when the time came for him to leave. Bain would make him and no matter how much they argued, Cullen would have to return to his world. 

“Your father doesn’t feel the same. I’ve been ordered to return.”

“Do you want to?”

He looked away from the eyes so similar to Tabby’s. Makers breath… twins. The image of Tabby round with child. His child or children knowing how they are now she would be with child often. Cullen wouldn’t get that though. Sighing he backed away from Markus.

“No.”

“Then why aren’t you fighting my father?”

“For the same reason you went behind his back to get me here. The man is more stubborn than a Druffalo.” Running his hands over his face, Cullen turns away. “I also understand where your father is coming from. If I had to make the choice for one of my men I’d have to do things for the good of everyone.”

“This isn’t any soldier Cullen. This is you and you are not under my father's command.”

“Damn you Markus…” defeated he sits down on the edge of the bed. “I wish you had just left me in my world. Being ignorant of love is better than knowing I’m about to lose the best thing to ever come into my life.”

“I never thought of you as a coward Commander.”

Dark warning filled amber eyes. “If you don’t want me to hit you, I’d suggest you never utter that word and my title in the same sentence again.” 

“Damnit Cullen you can’t give up! You’ll just throw away all the work I put in to get you here.” 

“So it was you.” The deep baritone voice of Bain cut through the room like a freshly sharpened sword. Both Markus and Cullen looked toward the doorway. The man’s shoulders barely fitting through the narrow passage. 

“Dad-”

“I don’t want to hear it Markus.”

“No. You will hear me. Tabby needs him-”

“Your sister is stronger than you give her credit for she doesn’t need anyone.”

“You didn’t see her! You didn’t see what that son of bitch did! Dad he took away everything that made her who she was.” Markus vibrated his frustration sparking out in a physical manifestation.

Bain narrowed his eyes. “I know damn well what the piece of garbage did to your sister. And I took care of it.” 

Silence consumed the room. All of them eyeing each other. He wasn’t all that surprised about this little confession. Yet, Markus clearly had no idea. Killing is as easy as breathing when pushed hard enough. Cullen and Bain knew that reality all too well. 

“It was you. You-”

“No one hurts my family. I lost everything in Thades. My family may have sent me to a circle, but they still loved me and they were murdered. Then I became a Warden and I lost so much more, just to save the people. You, your sister and mother are all I have in this world. I protect my own.” 

“Damn, should I warn John?”

Bain smirked, “No. He knows just what I’m capable of.”

A high pitched, piercing sound reverberated off the walls followed by Tabby yelling dinner would be ready in ten minutes. They all chuckle at her energy level and the threat to both her father and brothers lives if they were late. Rising, Cullen walked passed Markus, but stopped before Bain. 

“You are my friend and the father to the one woman I have ever really loved. As my friend I respect you and as her father it is more so, but I’m going to tell you this for sure.” They locked gazes. “I’m staying. Your son is right. I am not a random soldier under your thumb. I am the man who loves your daughter in such a way I am okay with ending the world just to remain at her side. Now if you will excuse me. I am famished and in need of that delicious smelling food coming from your kitchen.”


	16. The Truth - Bain POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for Bain to enlighten us on a few things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like spoiling you all today! Enjoy!

Bain watched Cullen walked away a slow curve building on the corners of his lips. 

_Well, at least I know he’s worthy._ He thought as Markus moved to his left, both waiting and listening to them speak. The conversation was short and Tabby was clearly making sure they hadn’t agitated the man. His daughter was a pain, but he loved her even with the qwerks. They moved away from the landing by the stairs, Markus finally choosing to speak.

“Honestly dad, you had to tell him the world would end to see if he was good enough?”

Bain shrugged. “He didn’t know it wasn’t true. Besides it’s been a long time since I’ve seen him and that last time wasn’t the best mark on our friendship. He was tortured for days. I needed to know that those demons didn’t still have a hold on him.”

Bain snuck a glance at his son. The boy was smug and proud of himself and Bain wouldn’t lie he was ridiculously proud. Not just of the choice he made the choice that would help his sister, but the necessary magic needed to move between the worlds is large. It must have taken him years, to ensure the buildup was enough to bring him there and back. The trip to this would was only meant to be one way. The different variations to his old world made it nearly impossible to hop between just one version of Theda’s. Now, in reality, Bain wasn’t sure what the effect Cullen’s presents would have in this world. So far nothing had happened, to his knowledge, but he would keep an eye out, but so long as the peace and stability of his word remains, he wouldn’t need to ask. Yet, the stunt his son pulled was colossally dangerous. 

Before Markus could react, Bain’s hand collided with the back on his head.

“Ow! What the hell?”

“Ever pull any kind of crap like this again without running it by me and I will make you regret you were ever born.”

“It helped didn’t it?”

“Yes, but had anything gone wrong-”

“It didn’t. John and I made sure of that.” 

_So John was involved. At least John won't try to kill him outright. Cullen… this is going to be an interesting dinner tonight._

Bain nodded. “Fine, I commend you on not blowing up the world and not destroying the veil. Now go, see if your mother needs any help.”

“Yeah, yeah. Oh,” Markus lowers his voice. “I saw the Connelly’s yesterday, they said, Jamie’s been crying and upset a lot the last few days. Nightmares. They heard I’d come home and asked me to see if he would speak to me. He gave me an update on her.” 

“And?”

“It’s bad, but she’s okay, and at Skyhold now. What has me worried is that Mr. and Mrs. Connelly still have no memory of having a daughter.”

“It’s because of where she is. Cole, that worlds Cole anyway, took her to a different, yet almost similar version of Thedas that I came from. To protect that world and our own, she was ‘erased’.”

“How close are we talking?”

“Only a few minor things really. I’m not familiar with it really, but I’m getting concerned. Fen is playing a dangerous game one that I don’t feel entirely comfortable with.” Crossing his arms, he thinks back, things were only starting to calm down after the battle at Adamant and the amount of Wardens coming here. He was still trying to find placement for a few people. “With the influx of so many Warden’s recently, thanks to that Blighted Magister…” he rubs between his eyes. He didn’t need or want any more work. Maker knows the wife isn’t happy. “Keep me posted on the situation. If we need to we’ll pull her back.”

“She seems to have fallen in love dad. Is that wise?”

Bain groans letting his head fall back, eyes closing. _Of course she goes off and falls in love._ Sighing heavily, things suddenly becoming far more difficult than he had originally expected.

Markus pats his arm in sympathy. “Should I tell John what’s going on?”

“God no, I want to keep him out of this mess for as long as possible. Though that may be a little more difficult now thanks to you.”

“Sable is like a little sister to him, Pop. He’s been working with Jamie since he was a baby. We can’t only thank the blessed stars that he’s been traveling, but I can tell you now he’s going to flip when he finds out. I will blame it all on you, of course.”

“Of course.” 

“You really are a stubborn old man. Fine, if he lights you on fire for it you can blame only yourself.”

“I think I can handle that feline loving mage.” Bain eye’s his son. “Are you planning on tell your sister about you two now that she knows about the other worlds?”

“Do you plan on telling her she’s the Hero of Ferelden's daughter?”

Bain remained silent. Markus rolls his eyes. “She’s not stupid Pop. Like you said, she knows the world isn’t just a game anymore. Tabby has a right to know.” 

“I have a right to know what?”

Both men’s heads snap to the right. Standing at the top of the stairs Tabitha watched them suspicion building the longer they remained in silent shock. 

“You have right to know that dad approves.” Markus says quickly.

_Bless that boy, God and Andraste!_ Bain almost hugged his son for his quick thinking. Tabitha’s eyes widen to quarter size turning glassy. 

“Really?”

“He’s a good man and I can see you love him and he loves you.” 

Bain saw only one tear slip, before she was hugging him around the waist. She hadn’t hugged him like this since she was young. For half a second he was transported back in time. Tabby is thirteen and hugging him the same way because he’d said she could go to Japan as an exchange student. She’d begged for months, but he was hesitant. It was very far away and neither of the children had wanted to leave home like that yet. Bain wanted her safe, and he didn’t know Japan. He and Anya had even argued over it and that was a rare event. To feel that same amount of joy and relief pulsing off his daughter once again was something he would treasure for a long time. 

Kissing the top of her head, he lifts his arms to hug her back. His ears barely catching as she whispers, “Thank you, Daddy.”


	17. Hello Kitten's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And the Family dinner had gone so well..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning this chapter was a bit of a pain and I'm sorry if my writing shows my frustration with having to bring someone major into the story but this all had to happen to be able to move thing along later. I'm sorry if this feels like a weird filler chapter but there are some pretty important things happening. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy and I love all those who's written and left Kudo's. You help the rough days feel less stressful.

Dinner was going surprisingly well, better than she had first thought. Tabby couldn’t remember ever being as happy as she was. Cullen sat to her right, her father to her left, Markus across and her mother to the right of Cullen. They had just finished the main meal and were now talking over coffee and dessert. Of course Cullen was given the third degree for about half a second, but then it went smoothly they talked about everything from his line of work, which he just stated as military, to movies and music. He was currently talking farming techniques with her father while Markus and her mother commented on her clothing when they heard the front door open. 

“Hello?” 

_Ah, John’s finally here._ She could just picture his head peeking past the door looking around. Tabby never understood why John had this strange polite way of entering the house when they knew he was coming. It had been years and the man still acted overtly polite around her parents no matter how hard Markus or she had tried to curb the action. 

Markus turned back head tilted toward the doorway, one arm slung over the back of the chair.  
“In the dining room love.”

Eyebrow arched she looks to her brother. Open affection? Pet names? _When the hell had things escalated to that?_ She asked with her eyes. The tips of his ears reddened and her jaw hit the floor. _Were they? Was he?_

“Markus?” She was trembling, excitement for John to enter the room making the muscles under her skin jump around. They had started things a while after she’d left for deployment. John is an affectionate man and when they had tried to hide their little affair... No, it was friends with benefits… no... Damn it was something that clearly had evolved into the emotional end of things. Tabby couldn’t be happier, they were perfect to one another in so many ways. 

Blonde hair pulled back half up, half down filled her line of vision first. His coat removed to show the dark red long sleeve shirt the picture of a small animated kitten above the small pocket. Black frayed jeans cover his long legs, well-worn combat boots on his feet. He clearly had come straight from the shelter. A small sliver chain peaked from under the shirt as he leaned down to kiss Markus. Tabby nearly bounced out of her seat the hand covering Cullen’s under the table tightening to keep still. A small high pitched sound of glee escaped, forcing both men to turn toward her. 

Sighing Markus nodded and she flew out of her chair racing around the table to hug both men. John chuckled while hugging her back. 

“Surprise.” 

“I should kick you both for not telling me sooner.” She pinched John's arm. “You especially, Jonathan Anderson. I work and speak to you on a daily basis.”

“Markus wanted to surprise you. We both did, if for nothing more than to see your reaction. Which is priceless.” 

Hugging them close again she kissed both their cheeks. “I’m so happy for you.” she whispered to her brother and he blushed again. A short cough rang from her left pulling them from their little scene. Rolling her eyes, she looks to her father.

“Yes, yes.” Moving around the table once more, she stood by Cullen. “John you remember Cullen, Cullen this is John Anderson, he’s the one-”

“I remember Tabby.” he says and she notices something of a smirk playing on his face, though it felt a little strand. The fact John looked so much like the Anders from his world really seemed to put him on edge. Cullen was of course to polite to be rude the man. John really wasn’t Anders and the things done weren’t John’s fault, but she understood Cullen. Sometimes old demons and pains are hard to be completely rid of. 

Returning to her seat she takes his hand in her squeezing it lightly. He remained on edge for a little while longer until her mother brought out food for John and poured everyone another round of coffee. The pie she had been working on turned out a lot better than she had anticipated. She watched John devour his piece meaning he once again forgot to eat today. Sighing she looked to brother passing a knowing look. The man really needed to stop working so hard. Tabby was so focused on how she was going to yell at John, again, when the conversation turned to the events at the fair. Surprise, surprise her father had heard about what happened. She didn’t have to glance over to know her father’s one brow was lifted and he was glaring.

“You should have told me little girl. Instead I hear it from your brother, who heard from John.”

“Papa, please. I’m okay, some bruises and a couple bumps, but you know me I heal quickly.”

“And what about Cullen? I was told John had to stitch you up.” The murder clouding behind brown eyes was evident. “I hope you beat the shit out of that little snot. That fair is meant to be fun, believe me when I tell you Phil and I are going to have a long, long talk about adjusting rules and regulations for those matches.”

_Of course he was, she thought sighing internally._

“Bain,” her mother gave him a short, but very clear ‘stop it’ look, before she smiled, “Anyone for more coffee?” 

“Sit down, love.” her father said waving for her to sit back down as she started to pick up the plates. “Alright you three, the women cooked, we clean. Let’s go.” John goes to open his mouth, “You to Blondie, you ate the food on that plate, you clean it.” A short round of chuckling circled the table. 

Leaning over she kisses Cullen’s cheek. “Remember, no going to the back shed not matter what and watch my brother he likes to trick people into doing the dishes for him.”

“I can hear you, you know!”

Turning Cullen’s head to face her properly, Tabby leans in properly kissing those beautifully scared lips. “Play nice and watch out for my mother if she gets you alone. She’s sneaky at getting information from people.”

“I think I can handle it, but I’ll beware.” he whispers kissing her back. 

“Alright, that is enough you two I don’t need to see this.” her father grumbles. 

Laughing everyone begins to split off. Tabby turns to her mother. “Mama, you put towels in the bathroom right?”

“Oh no, I forgot them in the dryer. Come on and help me bring them up.” She turns toward the Kitchen entrance. “Behave yourselves I’ll be right back and Bain stay away from that pie! The doctor warned you about too much sugar and if I smell cigar smoke you’re sleeping on the couch tonight.”

******* Cullen*******

Cullen, stood at the sink drying plates that Bain would hand him. John and Markus putting everything away. There was small talk that he half listened to, really most of it went over his head. Markus in the beginning quietly scolded John for not taking better care and then it went on to how the shelter was doing and the animals. How his trip overseas had gone. Fairly normal. Until...

“So, you were the one they made Knight-Commander after the battle with Meredith. It's not surprising I just hope your charges were better taken care of than before, though from what I’ve learned mages everywhere at home rebelled. I’m glad to see my efforts weren’t in vain.”

The glass in his hand, stood midair above John’s, Cullen's mind froze as everything just spoken echoed around in his head. _No…._

“John!” Bain barked. 

Any blood in his face drained, felt it seep down to his toes until a buried rage started to boil it all back up. Fury that had been sitting around since Hawke gutted the man before him years ago smashed to the surface. Cullen reacted, his fist cracking into the blondes jaw, as he spit out his name.

“Anders.” 

Anders stumbled back and had Bain not grabbed onto Cullen and Markus placed himself in the middle, he would have likely tried to kill the blighted mage, again. 

“You bastard, so after murdering over a dozen people this is where you were allowed to hide.”

Glaring Anders made no attempt to move. “You know back at the fair I thought you were just another person from our world that had no memory from there, just another reborn. Yet, this little gift is only for Wardens. Coming here tonight allowed me to confirm who you really are.”

Cullen tried to jerk out of Bain’s hold as the man before him continued to speak. 

“And for your information, I did what I had to, to free innocent mages from being tormented by that monster you took orders from. And don’t think for one minute you were completely innocent in Kirkwall, Night-Captain. Your fear of mages let you turn a blind to the cruelty! The few I killed pales in comparison to how many you all made tranquil and or killed! Innocent men and woman turned into husks all out of the fear of one mad woman!” 

Markus now had to hold back Anders. Both man looking for ways to attack the other. While Cullen wouldn’t deny the wrongs of Kirkwall, knowing just what Meredith's madness had brought. How he allowed her to feed into his fears and manipulate him. He lived with his mistakes daily and the guilt, but Anders… what he did… newfound rage curled in his stomach like venom. 

“You self-righteous prick. Don't you tell me it was for any noble case as for freedom of mages all over. You sought vengeance for what happened with you and Karl and nothing more. Do you know who cleaned up your mess after words? It wasn't Hawke. It was me. I spent days, weeks with my men and others of Kirkwall unburying the dead.” His voice hollowed leveling the man with one look. “Five children, seven woman-”

“Cullen stop.” 

“Thirteen non identifiable, ten men and that's not counting those you took out in the chantry. Innocents. People with families connected to mages and Templars. You killed them. My rage and hatred for you didn't come from you being a Mage it comes from the fact that because of you my best friend, lost his family. You took everything from him. His wife and only daughter murdered because you wanted vengeance. I wish I could kill you all over again for that one thing alone, but I won't.” He relaxed in Bain’s hold. Straightening his back face locked in stone. “I only want to know one thing. If you want freedom of all mages, why is Tabby marked as a tranquil?” 

Anders blinked at Cullen brow frowning. “What? Tabby isn't a Mage.” 

That's when he saw it, the flinch and tightening of Markus shoulders. The clench of Bain’s hands as he stiffened behind him.

Bail rose into his throat as he looks at Markus. What he had seen was real. The mark behind her ear… the sudden flaring of magic tickling the back of his neck since they had arrived. Shaking his head he moves away from them.

“What did you two do to her?”


	18. Little Sister, The Memory Remains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Markus tells all and we finally learn the truth behind Tabby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off thank you Fandora and being an awesome Anders for me :D
> 
> And WARNING there is a lot of feels in this one so be prepared. This chapter took forever for many reasons one it was originally written in Cullen's POV with Markus talking a lot, but it felt all wrong so I went and rewrote the whole thing in Markus's POV, then Anders wanted to place his two cents in. So it was all madness. The next chapter is written but I make no promises to a time when it will go up. Every time I try that it takes forever and a day. SO I will just simply write and it will go up some time soon. Don't worry Fandora will yell at me at some point for it and then it's a mad dash to get it out. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy :D

It’s been nearly twenty years… 

_Markus! Please!_

The tears in her voice… _oh Tabby. I’m so sorry._

The look’s John… Anders, he didn’t need play the game now that Cullen knew, and Cullen were giving him. So many memories. The pain. The hate. The guilt. The scar on his chest began to ache again forcing him to rub it lightly. He really didn’t want to talk about this. Didn’t want go back to that place, but they all were waiting. Markus’s eyes move around before stopping on the man he loved. There was a demand there, for the truth. _Please, god. Don’t let him hate me after it all._ Was all he could think before speaking. 

“We were young when our powers manifested, about four or five if my memory serves me right. Dad says too young by Thades standards, but none the less we began showing signs.” A small smirk played on his mouth remembering when they had made it snow in their rooms one hot summer. Their father had walked into a near blizzard when Tabby tried to manifest a snow ball and he had hit her in the face. She was so upset she lost control for a moment. He lost the tilt on his mouth. “Tabby, she was powerful, even so young she was mastering things as if it was second nature. I could do much of the same but with needed effort.” He tried to smirk again, but there was no joy in his eyes when he finally forced it. “I was jealous of course. She could heal, talk to animals and cast spells with no effort. I love my sister, and I would never wish her any harm, but I was shit brother back then as I let my need to be better take over. Tabby tried to help me. Her nature is to care and give. Never take.”

_“Markus, come on I know you can do it!”_

_“Tabby, just forget it. I’m not like you.”_

_“So what, you don’t need to be like me dummy. You are just as good if not better at casting ice and snow magic then me. I freeze half the ground before i can make snow come to my hands. Now one more time, and with more feeling!”_

_“Ugh, fine, but only because you are being so annoying about it.”_

_“I’m your sister, mama says that’s how it’s supposed to be.”_

Fire magic had never been his cup of tea. Ice and lighting was a whole other thing though. If things had been different they would have competed all the time, driving their parent’s nuts. Sighing he leaned back against the counter, moving away from everyone. 

“It wasn't till we turned seven that the shift happened, she learned to manipulate the fade from here. God, the first time she did it we were playing outside. She said she wanted to give me something, but she had to go to her special super top secret place.” 

_“Markus look!” she ran to me with so much excitement. “My friend told me this plant it super special, it can help make an upset tummy feel better. She gave me a whole much to bring back. Oh and my other friend, a little boy, he’s a little older said that this flower is super rare, but that I could have it. He had pretty eyes. One day you should come. It’s so pretty and sunny there. The air even smells sweet.”_

It was so bittersweet to think back on how happy moving between the worlds made her. Thinking back he always used to wonder who her friends were, she would always come back so happy. “Thedas was… I don't know, magical to her. Plants and animals were different. It, I think, felt like home.”

Anders watched him wide eyed as he shook his head. “To cross between the worlds like that… Sweet Andraste. The power alone.”

“Tabby would wander off on her own all the time returning with a crazy flower or rock. I think she even came home with a piece of jewelry once, and even a dress.”

Markus heard a small sharp intake of breath come from Cullen. The man was a little paler, a ghost looking as if it had smacked him in the face. _Anders said that Cullen’s fear of mages had been potent back in Kirkwall, but he didn’t seem so bother by that before._

“Anya and I didn’t notice anything until one day I found a damn nug running around my lawn. I thought I had been seeing things. Nope, my child managed to find a nug and whisper it into following her home. I forgot how ugly they were. Anya nearly screamed bloody murder thinking it was some mutated naked mole rat.” His father chimed in, the memory a fond one, for them both. Tabby had begged for two days to get their parents to say yes to keep the hideous creature. Markus had hated the thing, it shit and cried all the time. 

_“Papa please!”_

_“Tabitha, my final answer is no. That little thing doesn’t belong here. It needs to be with its own kind. I will not repeat myself.”_

_The table started to vibrate first, then the whole house. A small flame flickered to life over her left hand, the right forming ice on the table._

_“Tabby, stop.” I whispered under my breath. It got worse. Shiny tears spilling down her cherub cheeks._

_“Tabitha!” Their father yelled hitting the table hard, snapping her out of whatever trance she was fixed on._

Half the dining room table had been frozen and part of it chard. Markus would learn later his father had contained the worst of her outburst. Looking up to the older man’s eyes he could see the truth that they had hidden for years. Cullen caught it in an instant. 

“You were afraid. Of her, of your own daughter.” Quiet shock bounced off his tongue. 

“You don’t understand- ” 

“You’re right. I don’t. Please explain to me why a man who is also a mage was afraid of his own child?”

Something close to rage entered his father's normally calm features. This topic was still so sore for them, but for Cullen to pass judgement… 

“The same way any parent would be afraid for their child. It’s also the same way that most of our world learned to fear mages. The unknown. The what if’s. Damn it Cullen, Tabby holds enough power locked away to level small cities with a blink of an eye.”

Bain began to pace around like a caged bear. Markus once again rubbed his chest and Anders seemed to react this time to motion. 

“That…. you said it was a childhood accident.”

“It is… was.” 

Cullen’s watched him carefully. “What is?” 

Anders stepped forward crowding around him. He’d glossed over what had happened a long time ago. The scar standing out whenever he didn’t have a shirt on. No one ever asked and he refused to tell. Tabby only knew that he had been hurt when they had gone out into the woods. It killed him each time Anders touched it. Lately it was getting harder and harder to keep secrets. Only he confessed to him that he loved him, really and truly loved him, things had changed. He spent more time with at Anders home. Markus woke up every day with hope. The man had been gone when Sable went missing and the fact he mentioned her, Markus knew he hadn’t forgotten like the others. The truth of Sable and Tabby was bottled up and now… telling him everything from before, it was all at risk. Honey colored eyes bore into his.

“He bears a scar, one that I was told he got as child. I knew they were familiar, the markings. I know they couldn't have come from anything other than magic. Damn you Markus. I want the truth.” 

Cerulean eyes glossed, the memories of that day playing like an old movie. Anders held his line of site refusing to let him look away. _I’m so sorry… please don’t hate me after it all._ He begged silently. Taking a shuddered breath he began. 

“It was just before our eighth birthday. Mom was getting dinner ready. Pop was tending to the farm with the others. He'd told us to go on and play, told me to watch Tabby. She'd been bringing more and more things from the other side. It was making them nervous. It was making me angry and annoyed. I'd tried to do what she did. I'd tried to perform the spell, but the amount of magic needed was beyond my limits. But I did as I was told and we went for a hike in the hills. We'd walked the paths a thousand times and with Tabby talking to the animals it wasn't as dangerous. We'd gotten about forty minutes from home when something caught her eye. She wanted to wander off. I… I told her no. I told her it wasn't safe and that pop would kick both our butts if I agreed.”

_“Come on Markus, it will only be a second. Papa doesn’t need to know.” Long curly hair bounced up and down as she pulled on his sleeve._

_“No, dang it. Tabby, we’ve never gone far on the path. Pop will murder us if we venture into the forest without him. You know the rules.”_

_“The Rules suck! I want to go.” she started to pull away from him. Grabbing her arm he yanked her back._

_“Tabby I said no! Come on we are going home.” She tried to move away from him again. Frustrated he yanks on her again. “I’m Bigger Tabby and Pop said I have to look after you, you have to do what I say and I said NO stop being such a baby and let’s go home.”_

_“You always do as he says. Why don't you for once have a little fun? We won’t go too far, i promise. Ow! Markus you're hurting me."_

_“Stop being such a spoiled brat, it doesn't always have to be your way. Pop will tan my butt if you get hurt. But you don’t care about that do you! You’re so selfish.”_

Voice cracking he slammed his fist against the counter. “She argued with me. Stubborn as a mule. Pushing… Always pushing! Never satisfied! We fought. I told her if she wanted to be an idiot and abuse her powers over the family, fine. I told her to go off into the woods. I told her if she got lost or hurt not to come crying to me because I wouldn't be there. I told her she was on her own, just like always, just-” he curled in on himself, “how she would always be.” A choked sob rang through the kitchen. Markus trying to breathe while Anders pulled him against his chest. 

He’d never told anyone about that part. Never wanting to admit how horrible of a brother he’d been. How everything that had happened was his fault. Had he just held in his anger? Had he just let her have her way...Clutching Anders, thankful for support, he went on. “I ran away. God I can still hear her small voice yelling to me.” It had taken him less time to run back home then it took to walk up. Anger pulsed off him in waves and knew if he ran into anyone he would snap. So he hid in the barn. Climbing to the second level where the hay stacks sat. Later he would learn one of the stable hands saw him run in. Legs tucked to his chest, hot angry tears flowing down his face. That was how his father found him later in the day. The giant man kneeled down in front of him, talking calmly. 

“Pop found me, he asked why Tabby wasn’t with me and I snapped. I couldn’t take it anymore. He’d always worried more about her then me. Always babied her, let her get away with anything and everything. I screamed at him, yelled who cares. I said she preferred to live in her fantasy land anyway. Always saying she can take care of herself, what did she need him for with all the power she had? What did she need anyone for?”

Markus looked to his father, they hadn’t spoken about that day in so long. The guilt of it all still rode them like a never ending nightmare. There didn’t go day, one moment, where they hadn’t thought of that day. Wishing they had made different choices. Taken back certain words.

_“I hate her! She always has to be better. Always has to do it her way. She never thinks of us, of me of how we feel!”_

_“Markus. Look at me son.” He shook his head. He didn’t want to see the disappointment. The pity. Damn it he hated it all! “You are not your sister. You are Markus. Why you compare yourself to her is beyond me. You are twins yes, but two very different people. You have nothing to prove to me or anyone. Just be who you are, who you want to be. We will all love you no matter what.”_

_Shadows shifted and soon he was pulled into his father's side. The warmth, calming the rage inside him._

Those warm brown eyes, so much like Tabby’s crinkled with age and wisdom watched him closely knowing what he was thinking. In a hushed voice he recited his father's words 

“She is your sister. Your only family once we are gone. Do you want to spend your life alone, regretting this moment? Regretting if something happened to her?” Markus straightened, while never moving out of Anders arms. “He was right. I knew it, deep down. Tabby is my other half. We have shared everything and yet we are different. I couldn’t compete and at eight years old, I realized she wasn’t the selfish one. I was. All I ever thought about was why me. I never thought to look at it as why she felt she needed to go to the other would so much. Curiosity only goes so far. It was then I realized, she never interacted with anyone then him. She didn’t have friends, at least not here. I thought she was being a snob, but really she was afraid. My sister, the kindest person on the planet was afraid to be near others. Terrified of hurting someone or being called a freak. When I realized it all … It was too late. The blood red horizon flashed. Magical energy bouncing around until flames wrapped in with electric energy burst skyward.”

_The ground vibrated with such intensity the farm work of the barn groan under them. His father scooped him up and jumped from the second floor of the barn landing smoothly and sprinting outside. The sky overhead was blanketed with angry clouds, lightning cracking and striking at random. His mother screamed for them. In this one and only moment he say his father use his magic on his mother, forcing her into the house and putting up a barrier. Setting him down, hands on his shoulders Markus would only see such fear in his man’s eyes once more in his lifetime._

_“Do you know where she is? Can you feel her?”_

_Closing his eyes he moved his magic around and out searching the area they had last been. It took him a moment, but he found her._

_“I know where she is, Papa, she's hurt. I can feel it.”_

_“Okay, let go. Time for you to save your sister.”_

The room was quiet as he thought back. Eyes watching the ceiling. Tabby was moving around above them. He knew her routine, shower, lotion, clothes, hair, all the while singing under breath, twirling around the room. The corner of his mouth swung upwards in a sad smile.  
“We ran for the forest line. We knew she would be at the center of the chaos. Using my powers I was able to pinpoint where she had gone too. I can still hear her scream echoing off the mountain side. She’d found the ravine, must have tried to climb down and fallen. It was clear she was in pain, terrified and unable to focus. When we got close enough to her, she had blood dripping down her head, staining her now dirty and ripped dress and leggings. The wild winds made it hard to hear but I caught her words...” a sob forced the tears he'd been holding to fall, “she was calling for me. Begging for me to come back. That she was sorry. She'd be a good girl. She'd stop being a meanie. She'd be a good little sister again.” 

Markus shook his head trying to shake a memory that embed itself into his psyche. Years of unshed tears worked their way down his cheeks.

_Wind whipped around him and his father, tornado like cyclones of fire and lightning circling Tabby like a protective cage. No matter how many times he called her name the words never made the journey to her ears. Without thinking he went to her. This was his twin, his little sister, even though she was the older one, he had to protect her. Even from herself. This would be the final mistake in the long line he would make that day. The final straw that would force his sister to become what she is now._

Flinching he held his tongue, the soft melody of Tabby’s voice reaching them in the kitchen as she bounced down the stairs. 

“I’m going to the barn for a little bit! Be right back!” 

When the front door clicked shut Markus looked to them all. “The magic that normally was contained inside Tabby was in utter chaos. Whipping around to protect and harm anything that would come close to her. I made my mistake then. I thought I could reach her, thought I could calm her down.” 

“She attacked you.” Anders said softly.

“No, no it wasn’t her fault. I should have known better. Listen to my father when he told me to wait, but I thought I calm her down. Show her I wasn’t angry anymore.” True shame hit him before rubbing his scar yet again. It rarely ever hurt, but the phantom aches came with the memories. “I don't remember much once the pain hit. The heat was so intense and then nothing. I know that I have a vague memory of Tabby looking at me with horror and then I watched the magic die away. When I woke up, I was home. Mom was crying, Pop was pale and she was in the corner of the room. This blank look resting on flushed tear stained cheeks. I didn't understand.” 

A small voice, watery and clearly filled with tears vibrated through the rooms. “She placed the mark, burned it just behind her ear. With a mixture of Markus’s and her own powers. She wanted him to maintain the seal. To make sure what happened never would again.” 

Turning he looked to his mother as she entered the kitchen. From the corner of his eye he witnessed his father visibly straightened up when she moved to his side. Softly she spoke to Cullen and Anders. “Tabby healed Markus, but not without pulling an excessive amount of magic. It took us time to understand that Markus had died, nearly. She brought him back and then…” 

Bain continued. “Tabby never meant to hurt anyone. Least of all her brother. She came to the conclusion that the power she had was too much for her to look after. She wanted to be normal. She wanted to go to school and play with other kinds and not worry about hurting people. She'd learned of the tranquil when she went to Thades. I think she took aspects of the rite and altered it so that she could seal away her powers without turning into an emotionless zombie. I told her we would figure it out. She didn't have to, but she just looked at me with such sad eyes before searing the symbol and magic into her skin. She wanted to make sure it wouldn't and couldn't be broken easily.” 

“Maker’s Breath, she did it to herself?” Cullen had clearly thought they had done it, the awe in his voice and wide eyes speaking volumes. 

They all nodded, but his mother spoke. “We never meant to keep it a secret. We always meant to tell her, but she was so much happier. Yes, her memories were gone. She had no idea about magic, Thedas or anything. She was just a normal little girl. Emotions took a day to return but soon it was like nothing had happened. She was Tabitha again.”

Cullen looked at them all, something of a battle looking as if it was going inside his mind. This was the darkest secret their family had. It was closely guarded for Tabby’s protection. Now though… now Cullen was in the picture. She knew Thades was real and the seal on her neck was weak. Markus knew the time for her powers to return was fast approaching. Unless she choose differently.

Cullen nodded, the battle seeming to have settled. “I still love her, finding out she's a Mage means nothing. I will keep this knowledge to myself, for now. You have to reveal the truth. She is a big girl with the understanding that my world isn't a fairy tale.” His voice hardened. “She has a right to know everything. If you don't tell her, I will and I think coming from me will be harder on you all.” 

His father nodded. “Thank you,” Then looked to Anders, his love had been very quiet through it all. “Take him home John and Markus?” The young Mage raised his eyes to his parents. “We never blamed you for what happened. We had hoped the love you had for your sister would outweigh the jealousy, over the power difference you felt between you. You were and still are an excellent brother and son.”

Stinging eyes misted over again and lips trembled. Those words and the look they gave him easing the hole that been in his heart since that day. Slowly it filled and settled. Hugging his parents and Cullen, he and Anders walked back to their cars. Looking in toward the barn he saw the light still on. 

“Do you want to say goodbye?” 

He shook his head. “No, not this time. I don’t think I’d be able to hold it together. More questions would come from that and I can’t answer them yet.”

Anders rounded his own car taking his keys from him and opening the passenger side door to his truck. “Come on you, you're riding with me tonight. I’ll bring you back in the morning to get Bella.”

“Anders…” touching his chest, Markus could feel the trembling start in his legs and shoulders. “I-please, you didn’t say anything. Do you- damn it I can’t even ask the question.”

Anders sighed, moving him into the car. “Wait until we get home, you dummy.”

He couldn’t wait that long. The thought alone that he hated him, was disappointed… it was practically eating away at his soul. Anders closed the door leaving Markus to stew in silence as he rounds the truck to take them home. The door to his left slammed shut. 

****

Slipping in the key in the ignition Anders stared out the window his mind still reeling with the information that Tabby was not only a Mage, but a form of Tranquil. The betrayal he felt at not knowing the truth didn’t hurt nearly as much as he thought. What was killing him was that Markus, the man he loved and would die for felt the need to hide the truth. Yes, before when they didn’t know anything, but now… they told each other everything. Taking a deep breath, Anders looked at Markus’s face, hidden in shadow, yet he would see those cerulean eyes downcast and lip caught between pearl white teeth. 

"Do you trust me?"

Markus turn to him confused. "Of course."

Brushing the back of his knuckle over high cheekbones and perfect skin, he kept his tone even. “We have been going around in circles with each other for years, I thought that we were finally past all the closed off stuff and secrets.” Anders moved his hand to tread though his coffee colored hair. Fingers flexing with this next words. “Markus I’m begging you is there more? Because if there is I need to know. I don’t want anything to between us. I confided in you, years ago about it all. I thought-” he let out a long breath, “I can nearly hear your thoughts love. I know you want to know if I’m mad or if I hate you or a myriad of other things. In truth; you should know already, that I could never hate you. But, I’m disappointed. So please, if there is anything else, tell me.” 

Markus lifted his free hand, touching Anders rough jaw. Eyes seeming to search his own before looking down. _Marker… Markus please, don’t hide from me._ This inner voice begged. Whatever was about to come out of his mouth was making Anders nervous.  
"I hate that you know me so well." Markus finally said with a slight worn out chuckle. Raising his eyes once again, Anders moved closer leaning his head against his.  
“I understand, in a way, why it had to be done. But please, if you love me no more secrets. We can handle anything together. I know it."

Markus’s eyes darken to midnight, a slight shine returning. Regret was written all over his face. "I want to believe that...damn you for going away. Had you been here I wouldn't have had to hide what happened. Damn my father for making feel I had to."

“What are you talking about? I was in Thedas when you were a child.”

Pulling back he looked at Anders confused. "What? What are you talking abou- oh... no Love, this isn't about Tabby."

Dread knotted his stomach. Anders looking into the desperate pleading eyes of the man he loved "Then what or who are you talking of Markus?"

Markus took a quivering breath as he pulled away from Anders. "A few months ago, not long after you left. Sable went missing."

Anders jerked away. "I’m sorry, I thought you just said Sable went missing months ago ... for Makers… you're telling me this now?" Moving back to his seat. The last two weeks back home started to make more sense. “Holy fuck Markus, is she a mage to?” 

"Anders, no -"

"Wait, wait! Is that why- _NO_ what did you- wait, was it your father? Where is she Markus and why does no one except me and you remember who the hell she is?" Pinching his nose, he felt the onset of a migraine coming on. Unease filtered its way through his system waiting for his answer.

Anders heard the sharp intake of air into Markus's lungs. "How? You know about the memory loss?"

"I ran into Mrs. Connolly at the market a week or so ago, I asked if they had heard from her on tour? Her mother looked at me like I was touched in the head, it was Jamie that covered for me and told me Sable was safe just the tour took an odd turn. He wouldn't say more. I had forgotten until now. I may not have the same about of magic as you and apparently your sister, but I'm not stupid."

Markus leaned his head back. A tired pinch to his brow making Anders realize just how drained the man next to him looked. Slight dark circles forming under his eyes. When he spoke it was with exhaustion.

"There was a pull in the fade a few months back. Something massive seeming to have punched its way into our world. Pop and I felt it, but the rip came from miles away, but just as suddenly as we felt it, it was gone. We didn’t think much of it, until I saw Jamie a couple days later. I knew Sable was coming home and when I asked him about how she was doing...The boy seemed to have no idea who she was and when I went to ask his parents. They gave me the same look they gave you. Every picture that had her in it was altered. Everyone, beside a select few knew about her. It wasn't till a couple weeks later that Jamie started to have dreams, vision into that world, letter coming to him from her out of nowhere, that I learned what happened."

Looking at the visor scent clip he listened to the recount from Markus. Shaking his head he couldn’t help how flat his voice became. "I knew it… Everything you planned. How bad is it really? I mean was that the price for Cullen? Oh and while we're on Cullen ..."

"She's in Thades Anders. Not the one you came from, but a different version of Thades. It's so close in similarities that you wouldn't be able to tell the difference. And no, Cullen was different. At least I think so." He smiled lightly. "She’s in love."

Groaning in pain he gave him a sidelong look. “Maker do I want to know who? Fenris? Just to piss me off it’s the Elf isn’t? I swear to all that is holy if it’s that broody elf-”

Chuckling, Markus, for the first time since they left the house looked lighthearted. He shook his head. "No.” he laughed a little more “No it isn't Fenris. Though it would have been funny.”

“For you maybe.” He grumbled.

“Actually she fell in love with a friend of yours and my fathers. A noble... with a certain love for cheese and ill-timed jokes."

Laughing to himself resting his forehead on the arms covering the steering wheel "No one does anything small do they? so our little Sable is in love with the King. Honestly didn’t see that one coming.” Pulling his seatbelt on, he sighed looking over once more. “Well, what now? We have Cullen here and he sure as hell doesn't want to go back and Sable there I'm assuming with the same sentiment. What the hell is going on with all the swapping?"

Markus's smile faded. "I don't know. When thought to bring Cullen here I was so single minded in the need to help Tabby I didn't really think much on the possible consequences. At this point I’m praying it equals out."  
"You think? You hope? Really, Markus do you even understand the power, the rippling effect you're causing between all these worlds? Do you think you can just move people around as if they were pawns on a chessboard? For fuck sake, Markus what have you pulled me into? I helped you make that amulet two years ago and you wouldn’t tell me anything other than it was to help Tabby… I never thought you would yank over someone from my world. Cullen least of all. You realize this is the very reason people in my world chained us to the Circles and feared us. Your single minded actions just validated everything Cullen believes about mages. Jesus and Andraste you might as well have blown up the chantry if this all goes sideways"

They sat quietly for a moment before Anders finally put the truck in reverse. The sanctuary was about a twenty minute drive from the Amell farm. They were just pulling out of the long driveway when a thought occurred to him. 

“I know this is a stupid question, but does Tabby know about Sable?”

"No... she's, it seems she’s forgotten. Really though I didn’t check."

Shaking his head he grips the steering wheel exhaling in disgust "Course she has, what’s years of best friends worth. But Sable is she ok, right?

"Anders, leave Tabby alone. The seal on her magic would prevent her from remembering and I checked the photo’s in her room. All the ones that had Sable are gone. Listen, I know my choices may not have been the right ones, but I would do them again. You saw her, my sister was back. She was sassy and willing to push back. She joked around and ate with us at the table. You know just how much of a massive step that is. And to answer your other question, yes Sable is fine. Jamie said Alistair and she had their bumps but she's happy and safe."

Smirking he shook his head a little. “You know you sound so much like someone I knew once, someone who only wanted the best for everyone. Did everything in their power to fix everything.”

"I don't know if that's a compliment or not. Which someone are we talking about? My father or Hawke? I know you knew both beforehand. If it's Hawke I don't know how I like the idea of being compared to the man who stabbed you in the back."

“Hawke did what he had to do when, I forced his hand. He also learned the hard way that you can't fix everything. But I was talking about your dad. After everything that man lost he still sacrificed himself for everyone and everything. He didn't know he would get this reward, yet he did it anyway. My love I just hope that this fix ... doesn't bite us all in the ass. And as much as it kills me to say this, Cullen is right, Tabby needs to know. About everything. It will hurt like hell and she will be madder than a wet nug in the Hanged Man, but she will forgive you and in the end she needs to be prepared for whatever. The last thing we need is her ambushed by something horrible like, well, like Fenris or you know darkspawn.” He winked at Markus as he said the last part.

"If the games and history we know about is any indication. The world is probably going to start falling in around us. And I know. I just want her to enjoy the time she has with Cullen. Maybe the day after tomorrow. Let her have these moments of bliss last a little longer. She's earned."  
Nodding, he focused on the road. "You’re a good brother Markus, but nothing involving magic is ever easy. We need to prepare for the possible fallout."  
"Don't I know it." Touching his thigh Markus leaned over to kiss Anders jaw. "But then again it has given me so much to look forward too.” That firm hand moved up a shot of adrenaline and need racing down his spine. Warm lips touched his ear. “I love you Anders. I am sorry for everything. I should have told you about it all. I know you say I have your trust still, but we both know I won’t feel I’ve earned it back for a while. Bear with me for a little while?” A brush of a tongue against Anders ear forced him to grip the steering wheel harder. The warmth in the truck was quickly becoming scorching, as teeth nipped at his lobe and that damnable hand cupped over the growing bulge in his jeans. “Get us home, my love. I've missed you."  
Stepping harder on the gas Anders swore knowing the cats were going to have to wait for dinner tonight.


	19. Lionheart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confession, love, Passion... all rolled into one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weeeeeeeeeeee! Finally I edited this one! 
> 
> This chapter was completely inspired by the song "Lionheart" by Demi Lavato and any and all lyrics used in my story belong her. 
> 
> "cough, cough" the more sexy bits I listened to Type O Negitives: Love you to death... I suggest very much listening to it!
> 
> Enjoy and I promise not to leave you all in suspense for too long ^_^

The heavy weight of the jacket curled around her was comfortable and smelled like home. Tonight was the night. Yes, she should wait till they got home. Then they wouldn’t have to sneak around, but her gut was screaming at her for tonight. Not to wait one second longer.   
Hands in the pockets of the jacket Tabby smirks, looking up to see John’s truck heading down the driveway. _He’s leaving early._

Jogging up to the front, she takes off the jacket calling out to the kitchen. 

“Mama? Papa? Did Markus leave?” Her father came out of the kitchen, quickly turning her away, placing a cup of what smelled like peppermint tea in her hands. 

“He did and he told me to tell you, you ‘that is what you get for taking long ass showers.’ They will be back in the afternoon. John wants to take Cullen to the ranch after you too finish helping me tomorrow.” He lead her to the back porch, the outdoor fireplace blazing and ready for someone to occupy the space. 

“Oh,” she moved to sit on the porch swing. “I wish he would have at least said goodbye. I haven’t seen him or John in months. Okay John I saw already technically, but we didn’t catch up. Jerk.” 

Placing the blanket over her legs, her father kissed her head. “Don’t be too angry with him… he’s had it a little rough lately. He said you two can talk more tomorrow.”

Frowning she grabbed onto his hand. Something was odd. The whole night she’d felt it. 

“Papa, what’s going on? You all have been whispering and talking in secret most of tonight, don’t think I haven’t noticed.”

The smile he gave her was sad. “We will talk about it tomorrow, for now let me go help Cullen escape the clutches of your mother. She’s been grilling him for the last ten minutes.”

Biting her lip she let it go. Clutching the coffee mug Tabby stares into the flames. Bundled up in a pair of warm pants and her favorite oversized grey, knit sweater that hung just off her shoulder showing some skin and her white tank top strap, she got lost in thought for moment. They were such an odd bunch normally, but today… man it took the cake. Sighing she looked away from the orange and red flames. The moon was full and with a clear sky the snow shimmering like tiny diamonds. It was so bright out Tabby could see the barn in the distance. Tomorrow she was planning to take Cullen there and see the horses, maybe go on a ride. Hoping that being here would make him feel a little more comfortable. All the land and farm and animals did remind her of Ferelden a little. The peacefulness of it all seeping into her bones even while the itch behind her ear started up. Flustered by the scar she was about to touch it when warm lips brush the top of her head and the smell that was oh so Cullen filled her nose. 

“Well, hello there. I see you survived my mother.” she said tilting her head back to look at him. Cullen rolled his eyes, but smirked all the same as he moved to sit. Tabby lifted the blanket lifting her legs to place over his lap and curl into his side. He placed an arm around her shoulders cuddling her closer, his other hand resting on her one thigh. 

“I thought your father was the most imposing person ever, but then I was left alone with your mother… Remind me to never get on her bad side.”

Making a pathetic attempt at holding in her smile Tabby pats his chest. “Oh, I knew you were smart. Already you understand who really wears the pants in the family. You learn quickly -” she yelped laughing as he pinched her thigh. Swatting his hand they rough house for a moment before Cullen snatches her her free hand in his large one; the arm around her shoulders dropping to wrap around her waist, their faces touching nose to nose. Stupid smiles on each of their lips reflecting in their eyes. 

“You, my love, are being very cheeky.” he chuckled. 

“You love me.” she shrugged. 

It was an off hand comment. Not even really thinking about the words as they come almost naturally. So when he responded, Tabby nearly falls off the chair. Blood rushing up her neck to settle on her cheekbones. 

“I do.” 

“What?” she asked the cup in her hand starting to tremble. That silly, stupid, beautiful smirk that lifts the one side of his mouth moving that enticing scar. If her heart wasn’t pounding before it was now and she was pretty sure she was about to go into cardiac arrest. 

“I love you.” he whispered, letting go of her hand. The deep timbre of his voice vibrating through her entire body.

And there went the cup, slipping right out of her fingers. Thankfully Cullen was fast, catching it and setting aside the still warm tea. 

“Tabby?”

“You love me?”

A short chuckle accompanied his his soft nod. “Very much.”

“But, how?”

He laughs out right this time. “What do you mean how? You are beautiful inside and out. You have a strength inside of you I’ve never know in another. I know you don’t see yourself as whole, but I see someone that took the broken pieces and placed them back together. Even if you had to wrap the pieces to hold them in place. You kept moving. You also don’t care that i’m just as broken.” he leans in resting his head against her’s their noses touching again. The air suddenly felt super heated as he spoke against her lips. “I hurt you when I came here.” He touched her arm. The bruises hidden under the clothing already nearly healed. Tenderly her hand covers his, her thumb brushing over his knuckles as he continues. “It makes me sick to think I could wake up one morning lost within my own memories and-”

“Shh Cullen.”

“No, Tabby, I need to know you will fight back. If need be-”

“Commander. We both know that fighting you would get me nowhere. Besides, you won’t hurt me.” Light from the fire bounces around them. This amber eyes appearing moltin. Tabby couldn’t help touching his face. The idea that he loved her… really loved her, seemed unreal.

“I love you so much; have for so long. This- you have no idea how many time’s I’ve dreamed of those words leaving those perfect lips.” 

The flash of teeth was her gift, before… _They’re so soft._ Expert lips silenced the split second of doubt in her head as it muttered, _This won’t end well. It will hurt._ She didn’t care. He was worth it. Every second she was allowed to remain in these arms… loved. Regret could never hold a place in her heart, because she wouldn’t allow it. Cullen was hers, here and now. Running the tips of her fingers along his rough jaw line, Tabby pulls back just an inch, chocolate eyes fluttering open with so much passion.

“Make love to me Cullen.”

He moaned her name, a very noticeable bulge pressing against her leg. Combining delicate fingers through golden strands she moves closer. 

“I wasn’t kidding earlier,” she whispered. The hand on her thigh tightened reflexively. Rubbing her nose against his Tabby lightly kisses his lips. “leave the door unlocked.” 

“You like to live dangerously… we will need to wait.”

He was right. She could still hear her parents in the kitchen. God she felt like a teenager all over again. Sneaking kisses and telling each other secret promises to meet up at night. Giggling at the thought Tabby leans in again kissing Cullen with enough passion and vigour, he grunts in surprise. Milliseconds pass and he’s attacking her mouth in the same way. Wrapping her arms around his neck she curls closer into his body. Shifting slightly he trails his lips away from hers and down her neck and shoulder. Shivering, a small sigh escaping, Tabby leans back a little more, begging with her body for him not to stop. 

A small cough sounds from the doorway making them both jump. Oh god don’t be- it was only her mother. 

“Mom?” Tabby cringed that the huskiness of her voice.

Brow arched in that, _Really? On the front porch?_ , way Tabby could only blush. 

“I suggest you two separate, your father will be coming out to say goodnight soon. Early day on the farm. Ghost and Marybelle need to get some exercise and be brushed. If you two don’t mind doing that while he cleans out the stalls, I would appreciate it.”

“Of course Mama. We’ll be there.”

“Thank you... Oh, hello darling.”

Like a shock to her system Tabby swiftly moves back to spot on the chair. She still was cuddled up to Cullens side, but was no longer practically sitting on his lap, being ravished even though the hand under the blanket was still on her thigh. His thumb brushing up and down her inner thigh. _Evil bast-_

“Hey, do I need to implement rule four?”

It took her brain a moment to comprehend her father's words, groaning in pain she lets her head head fall back as she pitches her brow. “Papa, please don’t start.” 

“Rule four?”

Tabby sighed. “Don’t ask. Papa I’m not sixteen anymore. Rule four doesn’t count.”

“Like hell. My house my rules.”

“Weren't you coming to say goodnight? Early morning tomorrow, we all know how grumpy you get if you don't sleep enough.”

“Tabitha.”

“Dad.” 

They stared at one another. Both stubborn and not willing back down. As always the voice of reason and the only one with overwriting authority moved in. 

“Let's go darling, the children wish to left alone and you promised me a foot rub.” 

If a hole into hell could open and let Tabby fall into it so she didn’t see the sudden heat in her father's eyes she would forever be grateful. Yet, that didn’t happen and there was a defiant change in her father’s stance. A soft chuckle brushed against the shell of her ear. Cullen’s shoulders trembling as she hid his face in her hair. 

“Goodnight, you two. See you in the morning.” Her father said in a rush pushing her mother back into the house. The older woman bursts into laughter the sound echoing for a good minute. 

Once the door closes Cullen, who had been practically dying next to her, finally let loose. Tabby watched him. Face flushed, eyes just a little glassy from attempting to hold in his amusement. It was fascinating to see this side of him. Yes, he’d laughed before but this was a from your belly kind of laughing. Trying to keep a serious face she pokes him in the ribs. 

“Don’t laugh. I was most definitely scared for life by that little scene.”

“Oh come on Tabby, what do you think will happen when you have children? I look at you quite often like that.”

Once again the man next to her, had her staring at him frozen by his words. A smile so devastating to her senses was thrown at Tabby just before she was pulled fully into Cullen’s lap. Nuzzling her neck, peppering kisses along her jaw. 

“We should go inside.” he said nipping at her pulse, which was pounding at a speed that was most definitely unsafe. 

“Children?” she whispered, trembling. “Cullen, oh god, you can’t-” the words stuck in her throat. _He loves you, he wants children…_

“Tabby?” Straightening he forces her to look at him. Fat tears drip down rosy cheeks her trembling form shaking heavily. Alarm filled those amber eyes she loved so much... _They would have his eyes._ This night… when they, it was such a high risk still. _They would have his kindness, his shyness._ She had to tell him. Needed him to understand what tonight could lead to. What the possibility could be. 

“I could get pregnant, if we go through with tonight, there could be a baby.” She said through deep breaths. “It’s why I held off. Why I couldn’t let us go all the way and- oh Cullen, I can’t lose you. I know it will happen, that-”

“I’m staying.” 

“What?”

That smile again…

“I’m staying Tabby. With you here in this world. It’s what I wanted to tell you when we got home, but things have changed and- I can’t go back without you. You make me a better man. The man I always hoped I would become, but felt I couldn’t with my addiction. Lyrium is thankfully not supplied here and the craving and pains are dulled. I feel,” pausing he takes one of her hands and places it over his heart, his voice cracking for a second. “human again. I know it won’t be easy here, but I can learn and adapt. The possibility to be normal, to be just Cullen. It’s more than I think I can even express.”

The floodgates opened when he finished. Never in all her life has she loved someone like him. At first it was just the kind of love you have for a fictional character. You can never have them, but it’s nice to dream and fantasize. Yet, here, in this world, the one man she wanted was brought to her. Dropped in her lap, and in just a week he’d taken every bad memory that haunted her and turn them to dust. The love, and even that word didn’t seem to fit any longer… what she felt for him shifting into something that was foreign and yet still welcomed, for him bloomed and sucker punched her in the stomach everyday. The only thing hold her back being that logical side of her mind. Which was just as overwhelmed as her emotional side. _He wants to stay. He WANTS to stay._

Cold air dances around them, neither moving until a loud crack from the fire place echoed out and around them. Throwing her arms around his shoulders, one hand lacing through golden locks of hair, lips smashing together in a frenzy. Moaning, tongues dueling, his hands finding the path under her sweater and touch any and all skin he could find. It wasn’t till she couldn’t breath that Tabby pulled back, a long chest deep moan being ripped from her as his cup her full breasts. The large oversized sweater is pushed up, freezing air kissing her skin. A profound throbbing began to build forcing Tabby to shift and press her bum closer to his erection. Faster than her brain could register in that moment Cullen rips away the blanket, his lips and tongue attacking her neck while he lifts her bridal style. How they made it up the stairs and into his room without difficulty or making noise was beyond her level of comprehension currently. 

Once inside though, he set her down and they set to removing all offending clothing that kept them apart. Their mouths stayed glued together but for the few moments. Tabby was the first to remove her top and paints. Cullen, bare chested, pants unbuttoned and clearly not wearing underwear, growled. Literally growled when he saw her form.

“I knew it… the moment my fingers traced lace... Maker, love, I’ve had dreams about you wearing this since I saw them on your bed.” Red velvet and lace cupped her large breasts perfectly, the matching lace g-string, barely covering her. She’d packed it just incase after their morning romp through the sheets early in the day. Moaning at the memory, Tabby couldn’t stop as she reached out dipping her hand inside his jeans. Cullen walked back to lean against the door as she worked him out from the confines of his jeans, stroking his cock, one hand barely enough to wrap around. _God he really is huge._

Looking at one another, Tabby moaned. Cullen’s eyes were at half mast, blown out with lust, face flushed and his bottom lip caught between his teeth, grunting each time her hand stroked up. That perfect chest rising and falling faster. _Perfect._

“I love you.” she whispered over his heart. “I love you.” she says again moving down his toned stomach. 

“Wait,” he gasped out when he lips brushed over the head. Combing his fingers into her hair, groaning about something silk before pulling her back up. “Hold on.” and she had only a second before he lifted her, legs forced to wrap around his waist. Spinning them around he pinned her to the door his cock pressed against her core making her hips jerk involuntarily. Tabby’s head fell back against the door, Cullen’s resting on her shoulder, both panting. God she was so close. _Four years… no longer. I haven’t been this wet in my life and he’s hardly touched me._

“Cullen.” she begging. 

“I know. Maker’s Breath, you’re dripping.” he half spoke half moaned as he pressed closer.

“Hurry.” she gasped, nails digging into his shoulders. 

“Love, this will be be quick, but-”

“Cullen no more talking...” her hips jerk taking him into her just a little more, both freezing as lighting whipped up both their spins.. “Please.” she gasps. 

A low guttural growl vibrates in his chest, his hips thrusting forward sheathing himself completely. Tabby bit her lip, from crying out pleasure and pain mixing, fire pooling in her stomach as they finally come together. The hands on her hips flex and tighten feeling his whole body trembling as he waits for her to adjust. He was larger than anything she’d ever had and while it was uncomfortable for a instant. Tabby loved how full she felt and knowing that she would get to have this moment again and again. Moaning she searched for his lips. The second they make contact, he’s moving, pushing her harder against the door, pumping into her with animalistic need. He’s need to claim and hers to be claimed.

She was close, so damn close. To many years, craving him and to many years alone. Cullens voice penetrates her pleasure flooded mind.

“Love... I can’t-”

“Take me. Don’t hold back. Please for the love of god don’t hold back.” 

Cullen shifts, holding her just with one arm, the other moving to cover her mouth to muffle her scream of ecstasy as he slammed into her, over and over again. Then she was cumming, her whole body bowing, pressing her chest into his. Eyes rolling into the back of her head, her mind overloading, as she howled. Cullen didn’t stop. Pistoning in and out, driving her higher and higher. A tight ball in her abdomen curling in and twisting tighter than the own before until it snapped again. Tabby felt her body shaking, voice scratching as she screeched in shock of second and third orgasms blasted into one another. Cullen bit into her shoulder crying out as he came. His legs must have buckled, because soon she was sliding down the door her feet touching the floor.

Neither spoke for a solid minute or had moved or comprehend anything past the tiny aftershocks that were pulsing through them each time one of them breathed. Sometime later, really it was two minutes, Cullen recovered enough to remove his hand from her mouth, but leaving his head resting on her on her shoulder, licking at the bite mark which would most likely bruse. That would have bothered her if it was anyone else , but with him, it was a turn on. So much so her inner muscles clenched around him as she played back everything.

“Love, please.” he begged rocking into her and she realizing he was already half hard again. Foggy as her head was Tabby uncurled her legs from his back and bending them so she was kneeling as he was. The zipper of his jeans pressing into her skin. 

“Think we can make it to the bed?”

“Mmm, I don’t know. Currently my legs are-”

“Jelloy?”

“What?” he asked leaning back, eyes slightly squinted, face scrunched up.

Laughing Tabby kissed his shoulder, playing with the hair on the nap of his neck. 

“It’s a kind of jiggly, mushy food.”

“This world is so strange sometimes, but I believe I understand what you mean.”

“You'll learn, but we should really get up. As much as I'm enjoying this,” she rocked her hips making them both shiver. “I don't think my knees can handle this floor for very long. Oh and we need to get the rest of you naked.” 

“Mmmm, very true.” Shifting around it took few interesting movements before he'd lifted them both and walked over to the bed. Giggling as he practically tossed her onto the bed. Leaning up onto her arms she watched him remove his pants. Blood once again began rushing south of her naval. 

“Well… Commander you are quiet the site in the buff. Most certainly better looking in person. Though I did enjoy when you played cards with the others. Your tush is…” Biting her lip, Tabby extends out one leg. Letting her foot slowly travel down from the center of his chest to top of his now very energized erection. “Perfect.” 

She played with him for bit letting her foot have its fun. An evil glint entered his eyes. Catching her foot when it moved back up to his chest. Yelping, he yanked her to the edge of the bed positioning them. Heart punching into her ribs as he rubbed himself up and down her slit. 

“I estimate I have enough time until dawn to make love to you two maybe three more times.”

“Two or three- oh god…” He was pushing into her again. Over sensitive still she couldn't control the trembling in her legs as Cullen leaned over pressing his finely haired chest to her own again. The scratching at her nipples, which were now hard and being deliciously manipulated. 

“Hope you're ready, love.” 

“Yes…” she moaned head tilted back. Ecstasy flooding her system. 

*****

Tangerine light was starting to filter into through the small crack in the curtains. A lazy smile rested on her full, overly kissed lips that were a little sore. Curled into his chest, legs tangled together, his muscular arm dangling over her hip. They’d made love four times. Four beautifully, sensual times. The amount of orgasm’s she’d had ranged somewhere in the double digits. Every part of her body, mainly the bottom half, ached wonderfully. 

Yet, the most joy from it all was happening right in the current moment. Blonde curls hovered around his head like a golden halo. Pale skin relaxed. Those long lashes laying over still flushed cheeks. Tabby wanted him again. Could feel the stirring under her skin like an itch dying to be scratched. Only, she couldn’t. Not when she’d promised to help out in the barn. She’d already overslept having heard her father moving around about an hour ago. Taking one last long look Tabby gently and with some major ninja skills, started to untangle herself from Cullen. They’d been up nearly all night and she knew he needed the rest. She could take care of things with her father. Was used to it after all those years tending to the farm as a kid. 

She needed to shower, but not in the room. He would definitely wake up if she turned it on and things would get hot and steamy in a very different way, again. Smirking she picked up his shirt from the floor and her underwear covering up only what she needed to before going to the desk and writing a small note for him. Leaving it on her pillow, she risked a small kiss to his temple. She was about to turn away and exit the room when a strong arm shoots out and yanks her back onto the bed.

“Oh!” 

Bouncing twice, giggling as Cullen curls himself around her back.

“Going somewhere?” he mutters, voice heavy with sleep, into her hair. 

“I was going to go help my father… I thought to let you sleep a little longer.”

“Hmm,” Lips move over her shoulder, the hand resting on her hip traveling north leaving flames of desire on her skin. “I thought we were going together?” his figures flicked and pinched at the nipple now cupped into his battle worn hands. The blanket around his hips a small barrier between his very evident erection and her bum. She was already wet, pressing back into his hips teasing.

“You were asleep,” air left her lungs, the sheet suddenly missing. “pe- peaceful… Cullen..” She couldn’t deny him. Probably never would, the passion between them was so thick. They had to stay quiet all night. Lips and hands silencing screams and shocks as they each came. Twice, as she road him like the cowgirl she was, she had to place her hand over his mouth. Bring him pleasure like that… Tabby shivered, the sounds the man made lost in the intensity of the moment. 

Cursing she sat up, shirt tossed and under pushed down, Cullen was on her the second she turn to look at him. “Turn around and hold on to the headboard.” he ordered. Smirking she did as he ordered knowing he was once again was staring at the colorful art tattooed onto her skin. She had three fairly large ones. She was surprised he never noticed them before, well it seemed he hadn’t from the wonder that filled his eyes. On either side of her ribs she had one that went from hip to shoulder. A large beautifully detailed writing quill that wrote the word _Freedom_ in perfect script on her hip, the feather of the quill bent slightly, seeming as it wrote the words, small black birds were set free flying up toward her shoulder. She’d gotten it six months after Danny died. 

The other side was her only colored one, reached from just below her breast to her hip a stunning dreamcatcher lay. Large fathers in different shades of blue poping against her skin tone. She’d gotten that one when she was a teen with Markus. He had one similar with purple and red feathers. Four small fathers looked to be falling around it, each was made with important dates written in… the last one with the date 11/27/11… her first day of real freedom. 

The last one was her largest, in all black, stretching from shoulder to shoulder then traveling down her spine. It was another dreamcatcher, yet this one look as if it was a piece on the back of necklace. Ornate and ridiculously detailed with feathers and beads. This was her baby. She’d draw it for a fellow soldier. He’d loved the one on her ribs. He was Native American, having lived on a reservation most of his life before joining. He told her what he wanted and it took a year and a half till he thought it was perfect. Ray… he was wounded badly when they met. She was his nurse…. She’d gotten to close. Missed the signs. After being released his family found him dead two weeks later. ODing on his pain pills. His mother said he love her drawing hung it right over his bed. He looked at it all the time. When they gave her back the drawing, Tabby went to her artist, who was also a fellow soldier. He didn’t even ask questions just told her to sit down. 

Tabby told this all to Cullen and he seemed to now be infatuated more with them, running his hands up and down her sides, just as he settles behind her. She was practically panting as he pressed in, whispering words of devotion as he kissed up her back. One of his hands tweaking her breast, the other holding onto her hip, as he rocked slowly in and out. He hovered over her body, her back to his chest, and while she felt weak to her desires, there was strength. In his arms, in this love. It was perfect. 

They came together, each moaning the others name like a prayer. It was intense, more so than the night before. If this was the last time… god it felt so right. They lay in each other’s arms for a moment. Small satisfied smiles on each other's lips. 

“We really need to get up.”

“I know, but can’t we have this a little longer?”

“Cullen,” lips graze her collar, “a little longer would turn into another hour. I promise when we get home. We can have a full day of never leaving the bed.” 

Nipping at her neck, the same spot he found sends her into a level of need and want, not known to her previously. And if he wanted to make her cum… “Cullen.” she growled his name, her body pressing into his out of instinct. His fingers now playing between her legs. A single digit move around her already oversensitive clit. 

“I do, enjoy your response to me love, but I think you’re right it is time to get up.” He presses two thick fingers into her, a shocked moan tumbling off of her lips. “BUT, just once more… I need to hear you say my name.” Firm lips clap over her left nipple, that skilled tongue forcing her back to arch even more as he fucks her senseless, again. 

***

It took her nearly thirty minutes more to escape. Cullen tempting her over and over again, knowing she would cave. Insidatable… and god did she love it. Tabby tip toed to her room, refusing to use his, but taking his shirt once again to cover up. The shower was quick but heavenly. Small bruises on her hips and thighs were starting to smudge her skin already, but thankfully not on her face. Shoulders not so much. 

Standing in front of the mirror Tabby brushed over every love bite as they trailed down her neck, peppered each shoulder and breasts. Cullen would have more scratches and bites on his shoulders, but just knowing they’d reached such levels of passion… it almost made her want to cry. Years of waiting, of searching and she’d finally found the one person in all of creation that took her breath away and then gave it back in spades. Every hardship, every test of will, they all were worth the pain and suffering. Cullen was worth every hellish day she spent with Danny, because he healed it all with a smile, with a gesture, a look. It all was finally over, the man didn’t haunt her days and night. She had fewer flashes and yesterday, for the first time she was comfortable eating a meal in front of people. He did that. 

With one last look and a smile filled with peace she hasn’t known in years, Tabby gets dressed. A pair of old dark jeans, a long sleeve red shirt and work boots was selected would do along with her coat. The thinner layers would be necessary after a while, knowing she would get hot after a while working. Freezing for a bit was better than cooking in your own clothes. 

_Oh yeah._ Turning on her heal just as she was at the top of the stairs she goes back to Cullen's room. Opening the door she pops just her head in. Timing was most defiantly on her side. Grinning like the cat from Alice in Wonderland.

“You know, you really so have the greats behind I’ve ever seen.” 

“You know, you could knock. I was just heading into the shower.” he said chuckling. 

“I could, but then I would have been deprived of the view.” she moved further into the doorway, but not enough to enter the room completely. “I forgot to mention, well you made me forget, that while my father finishes up things we could go for a ride. I really wanted to show you around and I already spoke to Ghost and he promises not to bite.”

“Ghost?”

“My Stallion. Beautiful white beast, dark big eyes. Kind reminds me of Cole oddly enough, but what do you think?”

He walked to the bathroom, naked as the day he was born. “I think that would be a great idea. The land around here reminds me of home.”

“Good. I’ll head out then. If you could grab my pack on your way out I’ll love you even more than I already do. I’ll leave it near the door, I already tossed your phone in so just toss whatever else you want inside. I’ll have everything else at barn. Knowing my father he more than likely forgot breakfast and his lunch.”

“You also could wait.” he yelled from the bathroom. 

“I could,” she heard him set into the shower. Feeling safe she walked over, pulling back the current. He looks down at her one brow arched. Giving him a very suggestive once over, she can only chuckle. “but waiting could lead to other things. In fact, I know they will. Now, “ she leans in a little pecking him quickly one the lips. “Finish your shower lover boy. Oh and, you might when to turn it on cold.” She was evil, tracing up his erection with a single finger and running away. Tabby heard his colorful curse as she left the room. 

Giggling she closed the door, picking up her bag as she descended the stairs. Sifting through the fridge she packed Cullen and herself lunch and then placed in the bag. _Hmm, Ipod touch, Cullens phone, scarf, chargers, food, two bottles of water… the normal random crap, sketchbook, lotions, gum._ Looking around as she zipped up her back placing it by the back door. _Papa, would have coffee waiting up at the barn along with food. Unless- of course. Honestly._ Her mother always made a basket for her father to take out in the mornings. Seven out of ten times, since she was a kid, he’d forgotten to take it. So everyone got into the habit of double checking. Grabbing the food, the coffee was an essential the old man would never forget, she exited the house. The barn wasn’t too far away and the walk would help to wake her up a little more and loosen those tight muscles. She also wanted to get to her father before Cullen arrives. Their was going to be a lecture this morning she knew it. Though she didn’t care. Nothing could ruin her fabulous mood. 

The tangerine of the sky was blending into yellows and blues. The air was crisp and just so perfect. Calm and simply happy with life Tabby began to hum a fitting song to her mood. After a moment she couldn’t help voicing the words that now resonates so much more. 

“ _Your light is inside of me, like a raging roar, like an ocean born, you're in my veins. Your voice is serenity, when the sun goes down, and the strength I've found, is in my veins. Our story binds us, like right and wrong, your hand in mine, marching to the beat of the stars… and we walk together into the light, and my love will be your armor tonight...we are lionhearts._ ”

“You are in a good mood this early. Normally you need at least two cups of coffee before singing.”

“I am in very good mood, Papa. Oh and you forgot our breakfast.” 

“I know, but I was already busy letting Ghost and Mary out for a run. Which reminds me, can you head in the barn and grab me the shovel from the back? You know, before lover boy comes to paw at you some more. ”

“Yeah sure, and wow that's all you got?” she moved passed him a little shocked. “Past the giant mirror great grandma left to you?”

“Yep and only the second cup of coffee has worked its what into the system. Give it time.”

Rolling her eyes, Tabby kisses him good morning before entering the old barn. It was just like any other with four large areas for the horses. They used to have four, but Sandy and Blu were sold to two of the other local farmers. Ghost and Mary were mates and Tabby’s since she was a child. It was going be nice to ride Ghost and Mary for a bit. She’d missed them a lot. Ghost wasn’t good with people, well children he was fantastic with, adults not so much, if he didn’t know them tended to nip strangers who tried to touch him. Mary was gentler and loved by everyone. Black with a white mark just below her left eye, she was Tabby’s best friend. She couldn’t wait to see them again and go for a ride, but first the shovel. 

Placing the food down she heads to the latter leading to the loft. Her father had already dropped down hay barrels so she wouldn’t need to worry about that part. Passing by she moves toward the workbench and tool rack. 

“Papa, where did you put it?” 

_God, this place is a mess. If mama saw this she’d freak._ She thought sifting through all the tools. Tabby attempted to avoid the sharper objects. 

“Check to the left of the bench!” he yelled.

“Ugh, of course. It’s next to more sharp stuff.” she mumbles. 

A breeze brushes past making Tabby stop as the feeling of being watched raises the hairs on the back of her neck. Straightening, she looks around. Nothing seemed different and yet the feeling was still there. The sheet covering the old mirror flutters and Tabby squints. Is the mirror glowing?  
She’d taken just a half a step when her father’s voice echoed through the room. 

“Tabitha, what’s taking so long?”

Blinking she turns to look at him. “Really? Papa it’s a mess back here!” That’s when she sees it, the damn shovel leaning just near the door. “Oh for god’s sake. Papa it’s right there.” she said walking and pointing. 

***

Tabby never saw the blanket fall off or the fact that in the mirror a figure was standing, watching her as she called her father a dummy telling him he needs glasses. She didn’t see that a young woman, with bluer hair then her own was smiling, sadness in her eyes.   
***

***Bain***

“Honestly, Papa only you would miss that shovel being right there the whole time, I mean…” 

Bain watches as quiet terror fills his daughter’s eyes, her head moving back and forth. 

“No.” 

Bain follows her line of vision and feels his stomach drop. Standing in the middle of his land between the barn and house was a young man. Tall and gangly, an overly large hat and white blonde hair covering his eyes. His clothes not from this world. _Oh no…_

Bain sees as Cullen exits the back door of house. A glow to him coming from behind as the sun hit his back. There was a calmness to his features he hadn't seen since their circle days... a small smile clearly curving his lips. _Shit…_ was Bains second thought just as a blur of movement jetted around him. Tabby was moving before Bain could grab her, yelling to the young man. 

“Don’t Cole! Oh god, Cole, please no!”

“Tabitha, wait!”

They were darting across the lawn, Bain saw her struggling trying to get through the snow. _She won’t make it… I have to use it._ Cursing he pulled on his magic, stopped and slammed his fist to the ground. Flames moved like a train up and around Tabitha’s frame and forward. Everything under her feet melted away and just as if there was magic under her feet she picked up speed. 

Bain saw it first…the sadness in the rouge’s eyes as he spoke. Felt the fade around them begin to shift. 

“I’m sorry.” And then he was gone, along with Cullen.

“NO!”

The air around him cracks, the ground trembling in fear. Eyes wide, he had only seconds to throw up a barrier just as the shock wave pressed out from his daughter's body and she was engulfed in lightning and flame, her scream echoing off the mountains.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS. Don't hate me! lol


	20. Faraway (Cullen)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to peek into where and what happened to the Commander.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are time Jumping through this one and the next three chapters... give or take. This is more to move things along for the writers and to get to the fun parts. 
> 
> Please Enjoy. This is not the full thing, but I did promise to post tonight. I'm just to sleepy to be creative at the moment lol enjoy!

It all happened too fast. 

There was so time to react. 

All he heard was Tabby screaming and then a whisper before he was blinded and found himself standing in the courtyard in Skyhold. Tabby’s pack still clutched in his hand, knuckles turning white as he looks around. 

“Cullen! Thank the Creators!” 

Someone was hugging him. Short, male, pointed ears.

“In-Dominic?”

Starlight short hair, skin like snow and strong features look up into Cullen face. There were added lines to his brown and dark shadows under his eyes. For a good moment he was worried, then he spoke. 

“Cole! Are you alright?”

“Just tired. Long journey, he resisted. Wanted to stay… but it was time. He had to come back.” Cullen turned to the young man standing to his left. He was paler than normal, but his words struck him like an arrow to the chest. _I’m back…_ knees crumpled. Dominic yelled to someone as he just stared at Cole, who flinched back. His inner thoughts were a mess, every part of him was screaming. 

_I wanted to stay! Damn it! I can’t leave her… not like that. Take me back, please take me back._

Cole shook his head, covering his ears. “It was time! Bad, no horrible things are to come. She needs to be ready.” his eyes glaze over. “Electric fire burns around her, the seal is cracked, shatters… gone. So much, too much…” 

“Cole!” 

Dom shot away from Cullen catching Cole just as his body snapped forward as if in intense excruciating pain. He looks at Cullen. 

“She is the only one that can help save us and them. The only one that can fight against the wolf and the evil he will release… She- I am... sorry…” 

He dropped, passing out in Dom’s arms. Cullen felt numb. Not understanding Coles broken code of words passed that the woman he loved was in pain. He should be with her. Protecting her.

A light hand touches his cheek. Turning his head, this is the first time he notices Dorian. There is no smart remark, no cheeky comment, just a look of sadness as he wipes away the tears Cullen hadn’t realized he was shedding. The trembling started then, the twitch in his shoulders, he bite down on his lips to stop the quivering in his chin, a copper taste soon finding his tongue. Dorian pulled his head forward, by the back of his neck, letting Cullen hide his face against his shoulder.

There were many moments in his life where he should have cried. Should have let the pain and anger he felt be shown, but he hid it inside. Kept it locked away, saving face. This, this was not one of those moments. Every part of him felt as if it was shattering at once. The loss of her… knowing he would never- a sob broke from his lips making him gasp, it was body rocking it was so intense. He felt Dorian hug him tighter. Cullen covered his mouth with his free hand. Refusing to let go of her bag, the last piece of his loves world and her. 

***** Five Days Later*****

No one bothered him. 

After his moment of weeping on Dorian’s shoulder, Cullen spent the next three days locked in his tower. Everyone, except for Cole, attempted to speak to him. Cheer him up. On the fourth day he was angry, yelling at them all. Pushing them away. He started drinking that day, was still. Trying to forget, and numb it all...it was easier this way. 

He’d thought about Lyrium for half a moment, but even he would ruin himself again like that. Just imagining the disappointment on her face… No he wouldn’t touch the stuff. 

He was low. Lower than he had ever felt. Even being tortured hadn’t left him in his state. No this was a new kind torment. One that left him begging for self destruction. Which at the moment he was doing a pretty good job at. 

Bottle dangling from his fingertips, he sat in his chair by the window in his loft. Seemed while he was away the hole in his roof had been fixed and added furnishing he’d requested ages ago, and placed on the bottom of the Skyhold to do list, now filled the room. The high back, red leather chair sat nicely by the far window. Heating enchantment, sigels placed in key points to keep the room warm or cool depending on the weather. It was warm, but then again so was he, sweating maybe just a bit. 

Across the room, sat the object of his attention. 

Emerald leather and straps. Pins, and patches of all kinds adorn it to change the simplicity into a creative wonder that was so very her. He hadn’t touched it in days. Only reaching inside once to pull the food that had gone bad out. Other than that it sat on the other side of the room just in his line of vision. 

He wasn’t ready… he didn’t- couldn’t yet.   
Taking a swig from the bottle of old, probably expensive, whiskey. Cullen turned away. 

*****Two Weeks Later*****

He’d hit a new low. 

Possibly destroyed one of the best friendships he’s ever had. 

His anger hadn’t subsided. If fact it grew worse with time and more booze. Dom had visited. Telling him it was time to stop. That he wouldn’t watch him waste away into a drunken fool. Cullen told, more like slurred for him to politely fuck off. The argument grew in volume, but nothing more than words. It wasn’t until he reached for it, her bag, that Cullen lost his senses. 

He stuck him. Right in the jaw, full force. The bag hit the ground with Dom, the latch bursting open and its contents scattering across the floor. Without having looked to his friend he told him to get out. The fight, everything bleeding out of him as he stared at the photo sticking out of her sketch book. 

Kneeling, he reaches for the book. It was her traveling one. She’d told him she always carried one encase she bored somewhere or the desire to draw struck her. The part of the photo that he could see was from the fair they went to, he was in his armor, face turned to the side… Chest tight he pulls the picture out. Cinnamon eyes, bright with laughter gaze into his. This wasn’t one of their photo’s. He knew about all of those. This one had to have been taken by one of her friends. It was beautiful. The feelings they shared had been hidden away at this point still, but here, in this moment, it was laid bare. No would could miss it. 

They were so happy…

Pressing the small piece of paper to his chest, he hugged it. Hunched over he weeped, as the wound was ripped open again. Every defense he held up the last week crumbling. Squeezing his eyes shut Cullen tried to picture their last day. The taste of salty tears touching his lips as he recalled the taste of her, her scent… Lavender and mint. Her laugh echoed in his ears, it smokey sound resonating. The vibrant blue of her hair fanned out over the pillow as they made love. 

Quietly, to himself he whispered her name… the name he hadn’t allowed to leave his lips since arrived. 

“Tabitha…”


	21. Magical Surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rebirth of a Mage, the pain of loss... and a little parting gift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of time jumping and POV Moves in this one. This came off as if I was watching it in a TV show. I hope you can all follow. Let me know if it's too much. I'll edit it later again.

****Markus****  
They were still in bed, blissfully asleep when the tremors started. When the shockwave hit the house, both men were scrambling to get their close on. Markus knew what this was, but how? The seal was intact when he left. Both of their magics containing it. Nothing could-

“Oh no.”

“What?”

“Get the car ready. Oh god, please don’t let it be true.”

“Markus-”

“I’ll explain in the car. GO! We don’t have time.”

****Anya****

“Tabitha! Damn you Bain, let me out!” The barrier place around the house locked her inside, again. From the window, all she could see was this winding tornado of fire and lighting. It stretching high into that sky. Angry clouds hovered over. Town was ten miles away and yet she had no doubt they could see what was happening. 

Tears made trails down her cheeks, the screams of her only daughter echoing off the mountains. While she forever thanked the other world for giving her, her family. At the moments he was cursing it. Cursing every inch of it for hurting her baby girl. 

_Please, if there is a god or a Marker. I beg you, help my daughter. Please… help us._

****Bain****

Body moving winds whipped around him. Even put out flat on his back, Bain was being shoved around. He had to get to her, calm her down, but he knew. The power she’d sealed away was no longer caped. He imagined a classic coke bottle having been shaken so hard that the cap popped off and all the fizzy contents was over flowing. 

He called her name, but it was pointless. The roar of the wind and thunder stole any sound that could have reached her. 

_I’m sorry little one… I’m so sorry._

A cry of rage penetrated the endless winds, just before another wave of magical energy shot out. 

“Awe shit…” was all he got out before taking a direct hit and sent flying back into the barn, sliding to a stop just in front of the mirror. It was active. Glowing a pale green light. No one could activate that mirror besides himself, unless…. A figure dressed in golden armor stepped out. A look of stern disapproval and sadness, greeting Bain. 

“Not a good time Fen.”

“I warned you.”

“I know,” he grunted, hissing as he clutches at his side. _That's at least two broken ribs._

“Three to be exact.”

“Fuck off, Fen.”

“I can not ignore this and you know it. She is expelling enough magic to shatter the walls between our worlds.”

Bain spun on his heel, rage fueling his words, spitting them out like venom.

“I will not give you my daughter Fen, I will die before that happens. She is not chess piece to be played in your fucking game.”

“I left her to you, because you said you could contain her magic, train her to use it later in life when the fear didn’t bleed off her in waves. I left her in this world to live out the normal life you and your wife wished so desperately for. I _warned_ you both. If she regained her magic I would return. You obviously can’t stop her now.” 

“Fen, so help me, if you touch my child I will gut you where you stand.”

The elven mage stepped forward. Bain towered over him, yet he held more power now. Mythal… damn the woman for sacrificing herself and the power to the man. Vengeance is an evil none could stop. Now that they were locked together, Fen was on a level of power Bain couldn’t touch. Not that that had ever stopped him. 

“You have been my friend for years. I respect you as the hero and the guardian to this world. I will not however, watch your child destroy millions of lives.”

“Ha! That’s rich coming from the man about to tear down the Veil in _two_ worlds. Risking everything on the hope your plan to save the elves works. Tell me Fen, what happens when the other gods kill you? What happens when it all goes fucking sideways? I’d love to know.” Understanding dawned on Bain in that moment. “You son of a bitch… That's what she’s for. From the beginning you were going to turn her into a warrior, teach her to protect you and kill the others.”

“You know nothing.” 

“Spare me, I know plenty. Now if you will excuse me I need to go and prove you wrong.”

Moving to exit the barn he was greeted to a barrier. Growling so low, death itself would shrink away, he looked to the man. 

“Let. Me. Out. Now.”

“This is not my magic.” Fen lifted his chin, pointing out of the doorway. Every organ in his body dropped. A horror he hadn’t felt in over 20 years surging forward. _Markus no…_

****Markus****

“Are you ready?”

“I don’t like this idea Markus. Too many things can go wrong. I don’t have Justice to boost my power like before.”

Markus kneeled before the man he loves. They were huddled not far behind his truck. They had seen his father get tossed back into the barn. The barrier he placed on the building keeping his father inside and anything else out. He’d deal with the blowout later. Taking his hand, there was only one way to convince Anders. Only one way to show he was going to come back. Shit, planned on it. 

“Marry me.”

“What?”

Cerulean eyes watch the man before him. “Marry me.”

“Are you insane? Now? You’re asking me this now? You’re sister is having a meltdown of biblical proportions and you are asking me to marry you, NOW?”

“Yeah. Feels right.”

“I- you- ugh… you are the craziest man I have ever met. And that’s saying something!” Anders was flustered, blushing fifty shades of red. 

“Well?” he asks even though he can already see the answer on his lover’s face.  
“I hate you… I hate you so much right now.”

A cocky smile spread tilting his lips in the way that always made Anders weak, grabbing the back of his neck and yanking him forward Markus kissed the man hard. Promising in it to return. To marry him. 

“I love you too. Now let's do this.”

****Tabby****

Tabby felt her knees crumple. The weight of her own body suddenly too much to carry. Lungs already burning over stained, she tried to breath gasping for air. Feeling like she was being suffocated. The magic whipping around her was also tearing her apart. Memories long forgotten rush forward. Gaps she’d filled with reasoning and logic now made more sense. Tears sear pathways down her cheeks as her heart seemed to fall out of her chest. The scar on her twin’s chest… it had been her fault. She’d done that. She’d nearly killed her brother. Never has she hated herself more than this moment. Yet, the reason behind this all pressed down on her mind. Cullen… her Commander… They took him.

_Why? He wanted to stay… Why now? Give him back. Please._

Every night, every moment they had together projected out onto the wall for fire surrounding her. His smile, the way his eyes lit up whenever she cooked him a meal. The skin on her arms cracked, hair smelling as if it was suddenly burning. She screamed. the agony of it all, the pain emotionally and physically like torture. That feeling of being full, almost like when you over stuff a turkey, started up again. The magic, her magic was contorting around her again, demanding release. After years of being dormant, it was almost like it was a living creature hidden under her skin. 

_Papa… Markus… Mama……. Cullen… please someone._

Something hit the vortex around her, the rapid movement forcing it to slow down. Another hit from outside, Tabby focused on the spot… something was familiar. The magic it was, nostalgic, but from where?

“Tabby!” 

_Markus?_

“Tabby! Come on, I know you can control this! Let me in. Focus!”

_Focus?_ Suddenly a memory from a time that felt so far away came back. She was trying to teach Markus to move between the worlds. Wanting so bad for his to meet her friends and see the magical place. She yelled at him to focus…. to take a deep breath. Picture a calm day at the lake. The kind when skipping stones was the best. To move with the magic. 

_“Never try to control it. It isn’t a toy, it lives inside of us. Nothing part of ourselves…”_

“Let me help.”

The burning smell envelopes her again the cracks in her skin extending. They reminded her of when Anders would lose control and Justice would take over. Yet this was different. Blood was spilling from the cracks and heat was starting to increase. She was being consumed by her own magic. Thousands of little naggings started fluttering behind her mind. The voices sounding like her families. Each begging for help. Yet there was one that stood out. One she knew only from the game. 

_It’s alright Da’len… you can do it. I taught you well._

Gasping a flood of more locked away memories pass by. These ones of her time jumping from here to Thades. Her friends… the people she adored more than anything. Solas.... Mythal…. _Unruly curls the color of wheat during harvest, eyes as warm as honey, and a grin filled with mischief._

_“Do you want to play?”_

_“Sure! I’m Tabby, what's your name?”_

_“Cullen.”_

_….. “Cullen, promise I have to go now. Promise we’ll meet again some day.”_

_“I promise.”_

Everything stilled. Static in the air the only hum in the air. Then much like a when a black hole forms the wild magic returns to its original host. Hunched over, shaking like a leaf in a storm, bloody tears burning paths down her cheeks. No one moved toward her, as she struggled to hold in the magic wiggling it away under her skin. The only source of comfort from the training she’d had all those years ago. 

Thunder cracked just seconds before the sky dumped buckets of rain onto them. Tabby’s stomach heaved and she couldn't stop the violent reaction as it curled in and pushed out its contacts. Ears ringing Tabby felt Markus and Anders were at her side, yet couldn't understand what either of them were trying to tell her or what was going on when she felt the shift in the air. It was heavy like her favorite jacket, warm like her old throw blanket... Raising her face she looked up into her father’s penetrating gaze. Blinking she went from being held by her brother and his lover to finding the strong arms of her childhood closing around her. For the first time in a long time she felt like a small child again. Felt as if the only thing keeping her from shattering completely was the man who always held the family together. Looking up into his normally stubborn face, Tabby cried out. turning into his embrace, voice breaking apart as she begged for protection with the one word she hadn't spoken since she was ten, a signal that she was truly and honestly lost.

“Daddy.” 

**1 week later**

Voices echo from below.

“Bain, we have to do something. She can't keep going on like this. She hasn't eaten in days just lays in bed crying until her body can’t handle it anymore.” 

“You don't think I don't know that? I hear her too, but what do you want me to do Anya?” 

“Send Markus back to where he found him and bring him back!” 

“It's not that easy.”

“Markus didn't seem to have any trouble!” 

“Markus spent a year crafting that spell Anya. A year! There is not enough magic in this world for us to even attempt something so quickly. And even if I tried, rushing the process, there is no guarantee we will find the correct world with her version of Cullen. We would have to search again and that could take months.” 

Tabby turned her head back into the pillow. It was starting to lose his scent. She'd have to place his shirt on it to keep remembering. To prove that he was real. She’d healed completely, physically anyway, from the loss of control on her powers. There had always been an odd feeling of something moving under her skin since she was young, but never let it amount to anything. She couldn’t lie, knowing that they had all lied to her since she was little about this all hurt. If she was able to allow her emotions out normally she would be a lot more shocked. _Papa is the Hero… not as surprising as I would think. Explains the last name. Taking on the name Amell, which is more normal then Cousland. Tabitha Cousland… yeah no way._

They continued to argue a little longer. It was so very like them to stick their noses into things that didn’t need it… even though she was grateful. Hugging the pillow tighter a fresh wave of tears began to cascade. Even after everything she'd understood he wasn't hers to keep that he'd have to go. She just never expected this much sorrow. The loss too great for her to not acknowledge. 

Closing the eyes he loved she begins the same home movies in her mind again. The moments from the day he arrived until that amazing night. After having it all play out during her loss of control Tabby couldn’t let them go. Refused to. She was amazed how close and fast their love came to be after just a week. It like being in a romance novel, but so much better. Drifting off into the fade again, Tabby reaches into her dreams wishing that maybe she could see him once more. Wishing she had Solas’s talent to walk among those that dreamed. To find her Cullen and hold him one more time. To say goodbye.

**4 weeks later**

_“Congratulations Miss Amell, you’re pregnant.”_

The words bounced around, echoing over and over again as she stared into the full length mirror in her old room. 

She was going to be a mom… She was having their child. 

Touching lightly to her abdomen, Tabby wept silently. A mixture of happiness and profound grief battling it out inside her chest. He would have been such an amazing father. The reaction alone to telling Cullen he was going to be a father would have been highly entertaining. 

Looking back into the mirror taking a deep breath she reach out to the fade. _I know you can't hear me, but a girl can hope… I just wanted you to know that I will raise this baby-our baby- with so much love that he will never left wanting. I hope it's a boy, if you couldn’t tell, so that he can look like you. All those blonde curls and amber eyes. I hope he's brave and kind just like you. That as he walks through the world he understand what is right and wrong._

Wrapping arms around herself, she moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

_I hope that one day you will get to see him. To see the amazing person our child is and that everything good from us was passed onto him._

Covering her mouth she tries to quiet her sobs. 

_I miss you so much… I don't want to do this without you. I love you. We love you. Please, please come home._

**5 weeks later**

“I’m going out to the barn, I’ll be back in little bit.”

“Be careful!” 

Shrugging on her coat, eyebrow arched she looks to her mother. “Ma, I’m essentially walking across the front lawn.”

“Yes, and you’re pregnant. You could have a fainting spell and one of the farm hands could run you over.”

For the first time, in a while, she looked at her mother as if she had truly lost her marbles. “Mama, aren’t I the one that's supposed to have weird mom brain moments like that?”

She snorted. “Little girl you once you have that little boy you will learn just how long lasting ‘mom brain’ is. Now be careful and text me when you get to the barn.”

Passing her father on her way out she whispers that his wife was officially off her rocker.

“We’ve known that for years.” he tosses back. A loud smack reaches her as she descends the steps. Smirking she places her hands in her coat pockets. It had been about a week since the good news, mama was convinced it was a boy. Her father was hoping for a girl. She was just hoping for a healthy child… of course, if she was truly honest, she was also hoping for a little boy. One that looked just like his father, all curly blond hair and golden eyes. Just picturing the little guy running around, bright eyed and full of smiles. It helped the hurt. Didn’t take it away, but it at least dulled it. 

Entering the barn, Tabby greeted Ghost and Mary. Her ability to hear them as child had of course come back. It had taken a few days, but she learned how to turn down the volume on selective things. Her father and Markus and John… Jesus, calling the man Anders was so odd. That day had been beyond weird and yet she didn’t find it all that shocking. She told them all the level of questions she would have later would be somewhere in the triple digits. Petting Ghosts nose Tabby promised him a ride out soon, then explained how would be returning back to the ranch in a few weeks permanently. In the middle of telling them about the baby, a bright light caught her eye. Frowning she turns to what she thought was an old mirror from her grandmother only when she moved to stand before did she see that it wasn’t reflecting anything. In fact it look like…. but it couldn’t… who was she kidding of course it could. Blocking light with her hand she presses her face close, she could almost see someone in the doorway. Tapping on the glass she hopes that sound can pass through. 

“Hello? Hello? I can, I can see someone is there.” Quickly realization kicked in that there wasn’t one person, but two… Every heartbeat in her chest ticked louder as the taller of the two rushed forward. _No… it’s not…_

Gasping, she moved back covering her mouth with both hands. His hair was a mess, it looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks. Amber eyes searched hers and something felt oddly off and yet familiar about the Cullen standing before her. Opening her mouth to speak the other figure moved into the light, long bright blue hair, eyes the color of honey maple syrup catching her attention just before a sharp pain and snap hit at her right temple. Years worth of memories wash to the forefront. Rubbing at the ache as it spreads to the other side Tabby stares her voice taking a moment to find itself.

“I remember you, Sable… my Belle...” Smiling Sable reached out touching the mirror. Sable looked as if she spoke and it occurred to Tabby then that Cullen had said something too. Shaking her head, more than a little frustrated she spoke. “I can't hear you. Can you hear me?” 

It took a second but soon Sables hands began moving. “We can hear you, and we've been able to see you this whole time.”

 

“Whole time? I-” Cullen then started to sign. _When did he learn that?_ Tabby looked at Sable her fingers telling her more than Cullen and explaining things. _God… there was another Cullen, but… damn what is this other feeling? Like I’ve forgotten something._ As she went on a knew worry began to build.The frantic movement and pure emotion being pushed her way, so similar… _Is this what my Cullen looked like? What he was going through?_

Sable must have seen the concern as she promised she would make sure he was okay, as best she could. Sable told Tabby about the strange dreams he was having, and how he was slowly having a different version of Cullen taking over, he was referencing things that never happened in this Thedas, mixing people up Maker Tabby he thinks your father is the Hero of Ferelden.

The nervous laughter that bubbled up. The Cullen she knew, the father of her baby was from her father's world, this one… well she didn’t know much about it. Sable tells her about Alistair and the up and coming wedding. It was baffling, yet thinking of Sable and Alistair together fit. The man was just about as nutty as she was, her love of cheese alone made them a match. Laughing together they went on for a minute more promising to find a way to speak again.

Sable pressed a hand to the mirror, Tabby cover it with her own. 

“I miss you, my friend, I can't believe I had forgotten this.” she said tears creeping up in both their eyes. 

“It’s okay, just try not to forget again. I miss being about to talk to you. Tell Jamie I love him and miss him.”

“I will, I promise.”

“I love you Tabby Cat.” 

“I love you to, Belle. Tea next time?”

She saw Sable laugh and nod. Turning to Cullen their eyes locking together. A knot started to build in her chest. Tears threatening to fall. “Take care of yourself Commander… I’ll be very upset if you don’t. And Sable will let me know too. So not faking.”

The edges of the mirror grew hazy. Sable and Cullen fading from view. Tabby blew them kisses in the last second and then they were gone.


	22. Tea Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tabby and Sable finally sit down and talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY!!!
> 
> Oh my goodness ya'll... you have no idea how much of a pain this was to edit. My brain has been so tired lately and then it felt weird like I was missing something. (of course, I was told I was wrong lol) I'm also in the middle of getting ready to move so I'm packing and then then I'm going to Colorado for seven days at the end of the month. So my life is a little crazy. 
> 
> I hope you all like this chapter. :D

Closing the door, the tiny room of stone glows softly. Setting down her cup of tea, Sable settles herself down on the pillow. She wiggles her butt a bit, trying to find a comfortable spot while looking at the large mirror, hoping the thing would finally work. She crosses her fingers and taps it softly.

“Hello?” She calls out, only to roll her eyes. “Annnd she can't hear me. Ugh, this one sided deal with this mirror is beginning to suck each time.” Sighing,Sable leans back. It had been awhile since the first time they had realized they could talk to each other. Only problem was catching one another. The time difference between the worlds was so wonkey. They had to leave notes, praying one would see it in time. As a small joke they liked to call it “tea time,” after their favorite children's story. This would only be the third time they had spoken. Cullen had demanded to see her the second time. Tabby had spoken with him, but it was easy to see the pain it caused. Sable had tried to make him understand. 

Heavy footsteps sound on the other side of the mirror. Darting around the corner, an over sized shirt bounces around her frame. Hair like silver and lavender starlight dances around her shoulders. Waving, Tabby bounces again on the balls of her feet for a moment, trying not to fall from the sudden stop.

"I'm here! Don't move! I'm just finishing making my tea.” 

Screaming, Sable nearly falls back, not expecting her to pop in that quickly. She holds her hand to her chest laughing she signs that she sucks as her heart continues to pound a little faster than normal. 

"Oh! Sorry!" Tabby laughs, disappearing once again. “Just one more second!"

Sable grinned waiting for her to return. She pops into view again. Sable couldn't help signing the words "FOOORRREVVERRR"

"Oh, hush you." She disappears for another minute before returning and sitting on her father’s work stool. She looks behind Sable, noticing she’s alone. Crossing her legs, she take a sip of her tea.

"So, what did you have to say to him this time to avoid him showing up?" 

The look she gets feels like being punched in the gut. Sable spoke, guilt lining every word. 

"I told him it wasn't working anymore. He sat here for two days waiting for it to work and thankfully it didn't. I talked to him last night about it and said maybe it was for the best this way. The fact he could see you while his other self can't would be like torture. Something he knows well.”

The smirk she'd had on her face falls. Guilt forces her to settle her cup onto the saucer. She couldn't see him... Not yet, it was too much. "It hurts still. Seeing yours... Knowing they are linked more now than before. God…. Before it took everything I had not to leap through the mirror."

"Well, he didn't like my comments, a few things got broken, but he went and beat the crap out of Bull, and I think he's coming around. He said you're Cullen is doing better. Sad, but the drinking isn't so bad. He talks to you at night before he falls asleep a lot."

Tabby put down her tea. Watching Sables hands, her chest clenches with every word. A burn started behind her eyes.   
"He has your bag. Cullen wouldn't tell me what was in it, but whatever it is, mine was a little jealous. If it didn't calm his other half down so much he said he'd probably resent him.” Sable laughed. “If I know you there are 47 hair ties, a half eaten granola bar, 16 chapsticks, a fuzzy mint, even fuzzier piece of gum, a sketchbook and a pair of socks… Oh my god, your sketchbook.”

"Sable..." A small smile on her lips. Knowing what she was possibly thinking. Tabby's travel book had a lot of odd things. Thankfully he'd seen her work before. "He's seen the ones I had at home. Not the travel one. Also, I see you still sign as fast as your brain thinks.” 

Laughing, Sable shrugs. "Well, it's easy when you really don't have to breathe to do it."

“True.”

"So, how are you Tabby cat? For real this time. Remember, I know when you're lying."

"I'm... okay. It's hard most days, but I've stopped hugging his pillow a hundred times a day. I'm not lying in bed trying to remember his scent all day. I can go without thinking of him for longer than two minutes now, and oh yeah, I'm carrying his baby."

Sable chokes on her tea. "Pardon me?"

Tabby picks up her herbal tea, blessing it as her stomach calms down. The morning sickness was murder somedays. Reaching into her pocket, a small photo appears. "I found out two weeks ago."

Sable leans in, her fingers passing over the jelly bean in the image. "Oh honey, I wish you were here so we could do this together. Wait, that says you’re 10 weeks, how can that be? He’s only been gone three weeks, so were you before he left? I thought you and he never, until... well, until the last night?"

"Sable, Cullen's been gone a couple of months."

She shakes her head. "No, Tabby, its been 3 weeks and 4 days. What date did he leave your world?” Sable shuffles around only to pull out her phone. Holding it up with one hand she shows her the calendar with the current date on it. 

"Belle, he left on December 3rd and trust me the dates burned into my mind pretty well.” Tabby pulls out her phone showing Sable the time and date. “It's already March here."

“That can't be. It's only December 28th here.”

Standing up, Tabby turns to the side and lifts her shirt. "The belly doesn't lie."

Sable stands, pacing and signing quickly. Agitation over the news making her frown deeply. “I know the night was December first or second when I teased Cullen about getting lucky, I think I even sang him the song on the first day of Christmas… something must have happened to the flow of time when yours went back to his world." Stopping, she turns to face the mirror completely, touching her own belly. “I technically should be more pregnant than you, but at the moment we’re both the same. At this rate when I give birth here, your child will be close to a year, of course that's if time doesn't change any more, hell they could be driving a car.” 

"Hmmm. I'll need talk to Papa later. This isn't good. It should have been fine once he returned but it seems to have only gotten worse." Lowering her shirt, Tabby stands close to the mirror, her voice low and serious with a hint of hesitation. "You can't tell him."

Sable watches her best friend begging with her eyes. Something passing through those big brown eyes. God, she wanted to protest, but then she remembered all the pain Cullen had been going through and knew…and nodding her head she agreed. "My lips are sealed."

"He's not mine, though, I wish he was every night. He's not. Telling him... I don't-- I can't hurt him-them-anymore. Maker, I can't sleep at night as it is. Just knowing I caused him pain is like a shot to the chest. My doctor’s pitching a fit at my mental state as it is. I can't risk anymore added on top."

"Tabby, Cullen will always be yours, both of them, but you're right this will stay between us. If he knew, maker, they would both tear down the Golden City."

Tabby smiles at the mention of the Golden City… Sable had always thought her love for the game was a little weird. It got worse after she converted one of the band members into playing, too. She thought they were both nuts. Now here she was saying “Maker’s sake” and talking about lore. She should pick on her a little, but another urge was forcing her to bite on her lip. For all the tough talk of not talking to Cullen, she wanted to. It was weird. Something about Sable’s Cullen pulled at the back of her mind, like a door she had yet to open still. Giving a short humorless laugh, she hugs herself. 

"You know I feel greedy. I want to know more about yours. See him. Touch him. Listen to him speak… they are so much alike. It's hard to tell them apart. Am I horrible for thinking that?”

Sable shook her head. “If the tables were turned I would be the same. Listen, you are amazingly strong and you wanting to see the father of your child isn't wrong. I suppose this is almost like having a love that's a twin and both are in love with you. They are the same man visually but they aren't the same.” The smile that crosses Sables face was kind. It reminds her of what she must look like when discussing Markus with someone. “He's a good man with a good heart. When I first got here he was a great friend to a crazy blue haired lady from a different world. He took me as I was and never thought to judge me.”

Tabby smiled. "When Cullen first came here it was rough. He wanted to go home. He didn't know about Danny. I was terrified about the lyrium withdrawals. The man is huge. Yet, I always knew if he did snap... He would never hurt me.” Memories started to unlock again. “He made it stop. All the nightmares and flashes. He changed them. Gave me the ability to fully heal." She choked up, her emotions going insane. Waving her hands in front of her face, she tried to laugh things off.

"Damn hormones... Okay, I promise I'll be better in a moment."

"Don't you start, cause if you start then I will and Ali panics whenever I cry." Sable took a deep breath and does the same fluttering hand motion at her face to dry the tears. "Cullen kept you hidden for a long time and I know he only got to see you when he was asleep but I know that he treasured what time he got with you. He said you made him feel like he was the man he was supposed to be, less broken. You made him whole."

Tabby's sharp intake of breath echoes around the barn and stone walls. The rush of emotions and hormones forces her to cover face. Shaking her head, she talks through her fingers.   
"He, that's what, my Cullen..." A small sob broke. Every hurt she buried pounces on her so quickly she couldn't stop it. No logical part of her brain was working as she looked back up to Sable and whispered. “I want to see him. I- it hurts, please. I know it's wrong and everything I just said a moment ago- but please.” 

“You know, I asked him the other day, knowing everything he knows now, if it would erase the hurt and the anguish and the everything, if suddenly it could all just be gone--would he want that?” A smirk curves her lips up. “He said that if even he had only gotten to see you for a moment, he would treasure that moment for the rest of his days." Taking a deep breath, she asks with all seriousness. “You must be sure. I can go get him right now, but if you're not 100% sure then it's better not to push either of you."

Tabby moves to kneel in front of the mirror. So many thoughts pressing in on her. So many wishes. Desires… Sable kneels down again, making Tabby look into her eyes. She knew that look. It was the one that demanded an answer while still allowing you to think.

"What if I said yes?"

"I would ask you again, are you sure Tabby cat?"

Biting her lip she stands, shaking her head--common sense working its way back to focus. She was about to say ‘no, never mind’ when the door behind Sable started to open. Tabby stomach dropping like a stone in water.  
"Sable..."

Flipping around doing the most ridiculous thing ever she tries to hide the massive mirror with her body, "Uhhh, just a minute, I'm naked!"  
Whipping around to face the mirror she signs as fast as she can, "I just told him I'm naked. Hide before he walks in here because you know he won't believe that.”

Tabby couldn't move, though. Watching that golden head of hair come into view with amber eyes looking straight into hers. He looked horrible, as if he hadn't slept in days. She didn't realize he's moved before her until it was too late. Inside she was now cursing her legs as they trembled.

He signed to her, "You're here?"

Not trusting her voice she nodded. Then cursed again as she gazed into his eyes. _Stupid, stupid, stupid._ That falling feeling wrapped around her just like his voice. His fingers touched the glass where her cheek was.

"I, I mean we ... Maker, I'm bad at this ... we miss you. I can feel him like an itch at the back of my skull. He sees you and hears you all the time... hell there are days when I'm more him than me.”

Any and all control over herself she had crumbles again. Leaning on the mirror she places her hand where his rests, shoulders shaking. "I miss you, too. Maker, if I could break through this glass I would. I need a hug. I need your warmth. It's so cold here without you."

Shaking his head, Cullen watches her with such sorrow. "Tabitha, you need to move on, to have a life without me--us. You deserve happiness. My love, you have so much in you to give. I can't stand seeing you like this."

"Easier said than done... You really are a dummy. I chose you, Cullen. Anyone else would be second best."

Pressing his forehead to the glass, his hands no longer wanting to work so Sable took over signing for him as he just spoke, "I've spent the last month hating Cole, hating Andraste, your god, magic... and then I realized they gave me you. Each night I look through my roof at the stars and wonder what one is yours. I know they're not the same ones, but it helps to know that you could be looking at them too and thinking of me.”

His voice drops to a whisper.

"Tabitha, you need to live your life. My memories of you, of us, has kept me sane and away from dangerous paths. When I thought my mind was betraying me, when I thought I would snap, this right here gave me hope."

He wasn't listening to her. Which wasn't uncommon. Sighing, she holds his gaze captive as she speaks. 

"I don't want anyone else. You really are far more stubborn then I was led to believe.” Stepping back she grins, tracing the line of his jaw on the glass. “I have to deny your request. I'm different now. I will find a way. I don't know how long it will take but I will. And you're not the only one spending their nights wondering. I talk to you every night. I make wishes on the stars." Reaching into her shirt she pulls the short leather necklace. A small coin pendent set on the end. "I will never let you go. I will never move on.... I'm sorry if that's not what you want."

He reaches out as if to touch it then curses as his knuckles meet glass.

"I'll find you again." He says with determination filling his gaze. 

"You swear it?"

They step as close the mirror as possible, hands resting over each other's once again. Cullen spoke with so much conviction.   
"If I have to, I will spend the entirety of my life trying to get to you. Make me a promise, though, that if you change your mind, tell me and I will let you go.” 

Smiling she steps back from the mirror. Shaking her head. "I swear and you’re an idiot. I'll never let you, let me go. No one will ever be enough. No one will ever be you."

The tension between the two love birds punched clear through the glass. They had it so bad for each other. Clearing her throat Sable reminded them she was there. "I can, uhhh, step out and you two can ahem…” she made thrusting motions with her hips.

Laughing Tabby rolls her eyes. Cullen blushes.

"What? Think of it like virtual reality.”

"Oh god. Only you, Belle."

"Hey, I know a girl has needs. Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about magic mirror sex, and it’s not like you could get pregnant, cause..." Clapping her hand over her mouth, eyes huge, she giggles, making a smile with far too many teeth. 

Tabby looked to Cullen, "I'm sorry for her. She's always been a little touched in the head."

Cullen shook his head grinning, "So thats a no then?"

Wide eyed and laughing, she shakes her head. "Sorry… Though tempting." She eyes him for a long moment. A heavy blush finding its way up to her cheeks quickly. 

He shrugs, “Can't blame a guy for trying, especially if you wear those red..."

"CULLEN!"

"Sorry, sorry, crap, sorry."

"You saw all that? Sable you told me it was flashes!"

Sable was dying laughing "Think of puppies, Cullen, and your mom! Sing with me, boy, I'm a little teapot… not--not helping?"  
Nodding, Cullen takes a deep breath the throbbing in his trousers slowing. Maker, the amount of times he thought of her in that red lacey- coughing into his hand he tries once more to focus on something less stimulating while answering her question toward Sable  
"Well you see, um, back then if I was asleep it was a little more then flashes… I uh, well I- I know things... personal things..." he licked his lips. 

Tabby’s eyes widen, a blush darkening her cheeks, her gaze jumping from Cullen only to narrow and flash at Sable who was still giggling. "I hate you, Sable... Like so much right now." 

“You say that all the time Tabby cat but you love me especially when I can do that thing to Cullen, that I did to Jeremy Krispin at the spring dance… remember that Tabbs?” Her eyes playfully watch as her best friend’s face turn to horror. 

“You wouldn't dare!”

“Oh, wouldn't I?” Sable sticks her tongue out and playfully licks Cullen’s cheek. “Now back to these red underpants… did Victoria tell her secrets?” She wiggles her eyebrows at the mirror, trying to make her friend not freak out too much.

Blushing harder then she has ever in her life, Tabby swore she felt the feeling reach all the way to her toes. Sneaking a glance south of Cullen's chest, Tabby quickly looked back up and for a solid moment she saw him. Her Cullen. Hidden behind his eyes. She saw him.  
"I-it's okay."

Sable sticks her tongue out at her best friend, but her heart wasn't in it. She knew how it must be killing her. “You guys, I know this is hard on all three of you, I can’t even imagine the pain, but have faith, isn't that what your momma always said to us over broken hearts, Tabby Cat?” 

The image in the mirror nods and the girls spoke the words together like a chant, “Have faith and the Maker will guide you to the path you need to be on.” 

Sable presses her hand against the glass, tears rimming her eyes she took hold of one of Cullen’s the three of them connecting as best they could, “I love you both, so much. Tabby you are sister; have been for so many years. Cullen you have been the closest thing to a big brother I have ever gotten. This is an epic love story, you too have created. Romance, angst, Fluffiness, goodness Varric is going to make bank on you two.” She laughed, “You two are meant to be, and I have no doubt that you will be, especially now with everything.” 

She kisses Tabby’s cheek in the mirror and hugs Cullen, wiping her eyes as she nods at them. 

"You two take the few minutes left and talk, love, whatever--just don't give up. Cullen, I will be outside the door if you need me."

Sable skipped out of the room, closing the door. Silence stretched into dangerous levels. Both of them staring at one another again. Finally he speaks.  
"Hi."

Blushing and playing with the front of her shirt she whispers a hello. Damn Sable, this was now awkward.

Cullen holds up his hands. "Tabby, I'm going to try something, and if it works you will know."

“Okay.”

Dipping his head down and bracing his hands on the mirror with eyes closed, he gives into the screaming in his head. Slowly he opened his eyes and looked at her.

"Tabitha?"

"Holy shit." Covering her mouth with one hand she rushes forward, placing the other over one of his hands resting against the mirror. An after thought echoing that she was turning into a yoyo before others crowded in. Did she tell him? Was it right?

"Tabitha, I don't know how long I have. I love you, and I will find a way to make it back to you. On my life, I swear it. I just need you to know, I chose you, I didn't want to go."

"Cullen, oh love... I know. I know you did. Cullen I- there's something you should know, you need to know.”

"What is it?"

She fumbled around in her pocket. Hunting for the picture. Hoping he would understand if she showed him.

Confused he squints at the photo turning his head sideways until he sees the words “baby 10 weeks.”  
"Maker's Breath. How, how is that possible?"

Biting her lips she smiles weakly.  
"Well I could explain how if you really need me to but I figured you remembered."

Shaking his head, "I know HOW, but 10 weeks?"

"When you left, something happened. I don't know yet how it all works, but you’ve been gone months now."

"So much time lost, damn it!" he says, and then the realization sinks in. "I- we’re going to have a baby?"

Her smile grew larger as her eyes watered again. "Yep."

Sinking to his knees in front of her in the mirror, looking up as tears slid down his cheeks "Show me, please. I need to...oh Maker, I need you so badly."

Chuckling she reads his lips. "Seems you’re a fertile man. Got me pregnant on the first time together." Lifting her shirt she showed her belly.

"I'll bloody well keep you in that state when I get my hands on you again.” Pressing his lips against the glass, he was speaking words she couldn't hear, but then they weren't for her ears.

Laughing hard she places a hand on her naked skin. "I have no doubt. Cullen? Promise me something."

He looks up, "Anything."

"No more wallowing. No more sadness. I'll-we'll find a way back. Whether that means bringing you here or... Or me to you."

Standing he looks into her eyes, his shoulders slumped. "I won't lie, it’s been hard these past few weeks, I've been an ass to everyone. I just- maker, I need you."

"I know, but you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Hold on for me, for us."

“For you and our child I will.. I will be the man you can be proud of."

"And apologize to Dominic. Cole told me what happened - no, don't make that face. I know you're still upset with him, but you know he did it for a reason. So, don’t be a dummy. Talk to him. Oh, and thank you for my coin."

"Thank you for the photo. It helps a lot to know I can look at it every night beside my bed. The music device took me a bit, but your songs calm me on my worst days.”

"Luckily for you I packed the sun charger for that thing."

A mischievous grin spread across his face "So... they tell me a woman's body changes when she's pregnant, gets fuller, care to show me?"

Jaw dropping she hits the mirror, sucking in a breath when it moves. "Really Cullen? First time in months and that's where your head goes? Horn dog. But I will answer your question with a simple yes and not a chance." Turning she looks to the clock. "Besides it’s almost time. I've nearly gotten it to a science how long this channel will stay open.”

Grinning at her "You knew i had to try, I mean you gave me a taste then... well anyway. When can I see you... well you two again?"

Her smile faded. "I don't know. Time it's so weird. Catching Sable is tough enough and I won't have you making this Cullen spend his days locked in this room waiting. No, you will let him live his life and you, too. Or so help me Cullen we will have words." The last statement held no bite.

“Words hu... well you can have all the words you want when you're standing in front of me. But no Cullen, it feels weird to refer to myself in third person, but Cullen and I have an agreement that moments like this are mine the rest of his life is his. I try to invade as little as possible."

"Good." She saw the flicker in the magic around the mirror.  
"Cullen, it's time."  
"At least this time we get to say goodbye."

He saw the panic in her face and knew. "I love you, I love you both. Take care of your Mum for me, little one. Daddy needs to find a way to make us a family." He pressed his lips to the glass.

"I love you. Please stay safe. Both of you!" She says in a rush.

"We will.”

"I love you, Cullen.... I" they were gone. Again. And damn if it didn't hurt... Even if it was just a little less.


	23. Tabby's Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a day out with Mama Amell and now very pregnant Tabby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I'm awesome and to make up for making JessieBwriting cry while sick and taking forever to post the last one. Here is a little jump in time/ slice of Tabby's life. Its a small moment I loved.

**6 months later**

Leaning against a cart in Target, once again finding herself in the baby aisle with her mother, back killing her and craving Honey BBQ chips and cheese... And a slice of pizza...or three. Oh and Ice cream with fudge, peanut butter, and slices of bananas. Tabby looked at her mother as she oo’d and ah’d every cute thing she found. After finding out the baby was boy her whole family had gone insane. Her father was designing her old room into a nursery, while putting in a door or archway - he hasn’t picked which one he preferred- into the guest room. Markus and Anders, damned if that still wasn’t weird, promising to plan the best baby shower ever. Which made no sense with the wedding hovering close behind the birth. Then there were her friends… goodness the kid wasn’t even born yet and he was being treated like a prince. 

“Oh honey isn't this cute? I know your father would approve.” 

Turning to see what her mother held up. Tabby let out a surprised laugh. Two onesies that states “I’d Flex, But I Like This Onesie,” and “No, means go ask Grandpa.” 

“Good God Mama. The boy already has the man wrapped around his little figure, the world doesn’t need to know it. But I can see saying that means nothing to you. Alright, just throw it in with the rest. Honestly I never thought you’d all be this bad when it came time to have grandkids. I will need to warn Markus and Anders. Lord knows you and Papa will drive them nuts when they decided to go down that road.” 

Her mother looked up surprised. “Have they said anything? I know the date for the wedding is next year, but more grandbabies… oh you children are spoiling me.” 

“It’s just an idea mama. Don’t go off asking them a million and one questions. Markus is stressed enough as it is. Besides they want to wait till after the baby is born to move on with anymore wedding details.” 

Things had changed so much since she moved back home. Resigning from service, her brother marrying his long time lover, getting a hold on her powers, it was all so crazy. She just wished, he was here for all of this… even seeing him through the mirror would be something, but it hadn’t worked in months. She was huge now too the baby's due date coming up one them all.

“Honey, I got a call from your doctor the other day. They said you still have said where you want to have the baby. I know you don’t like the hospital much so would like to do it at home? They need an answer by your next appointment, which is in two days.” 

Sighing Tabby looks at her mother again. 

“I know, I think home is the best place, even with the added risks. It feels right. Mrs. Lancaster is a midwife. I called the other day to talk to her and she said she'd be happy to work with me. So I'll let Dr. Collins know when we see her.” 

“Good. Oh,” her mother paused to look at her. For a moment Tabby thought she could hear the ‘how are you doing’ question coming. It's frequency had dropped significantly in the past two months, thankfully, by everyone that knew about Cullen, but every once in awhile it came up. The pain had diminished to a throbbing ache. Kind of like a headache that won’t give up but is nearly gone. She wanted to be happy. She wanted to be able to smile as easily as she did all those months ago when he was at her side. Yet, all she could muster was mostly happy. The crying silently at night had slowed at least. Though now she cried randomly at anything so that possibly help to. “You're father just texted to remind me to tell you he finished with all the paperwork you asked for and his judge friend signed off yesterday.” 

And there came the tears. Not the hormonal ones. These were the complete happiness kind. The ‘I can’t believe it’ ones that happened when she learned she was pregnant. Leaning over the cart Tabby covered her face weeping. She'd asked her father, not long after she'd learned about the baby, if they could bring Cullen's identity here. Tabby wanted the baby to have his last name. And seeing as her father did this already for reborn wardens it wouldn't be too much of a stretch. He mother hugged her from the side showing her a picture on her phone. Birth certificate, social security, ID, Passport, Military record.

 **Name** : Cullen Stanton Rutherford  
**Age** : 30 **Rank** :Commander in British Armed Forces  
**Status** : Retired to United States of America. 

It went on… listing everything from his past in a modern context. Goodness all she had wanted was his name. To give their child the right to be called a Rutherford, but her father had gone further. Smiling she was happy he he had listened to her and not listed him as deceased. When the question had just barely come up she refused it complete the moment the she saw the look pass amongst her family's faces. Glancing down the paper she felt a flutter in her chest as a small foot inside of her kicked. Seeming to react to the same words she read.

_**Marital status** : Married_

_**Wife** : Tabitha Ani Amell-Rutherford_

_**Children** : on the way_

Clutching the phone to her chest she leaned more into her mother's arms. 

“Thank you mama.”

“You’re welcome sweetie. I know Cullen would be so proud of you, of your strength and don’t you worry we will find a way to bring him back.” Her mother said hugging her a little tighter. Tabby nodded not having the heart to speak the choice she had already made. If offered she would go to live in his world Tabby would take it. Knowing full well she would never be able to come back.


	24. Hello Little One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tabby has three weeks left, Bain speaks with Solas and Cole gives insight into everything going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm rushing to post this today so please excuse the typos and short description. I'm about to go to work, but i wanted to post this as soon as possible. 
> 
> hearts and love you guys!

**July 20th**

It was just another day in the Amell House. Tabby was beyond pregnant with just three weeks left until the little man, who was using her insides like a bouncy castle at the moment, was born. The dull pain in her back comes and goes, which hadn’t been odd with her father sitting behind her trying ease some of the pain. Markus and her mother left to pick up Anders at the airport. He’d gone on another trip to Japan for a banquet to stop the killing of dolphins and bring awareness to over-fishing. The activist in the man had never died and he was a protector of those who can’t help themselves. The sanctuary was grown as well. More people were getting hired over there. Sable’s brother Jamie had even started volunteering. The boy loved the animals and after speaking with him over the last few months he’d regained his full memories of his sister. Cole had been bringing him all the notes he kept finding so that he wouldn’t forget her… Cole had also been letting her know how the others were doing. Their first interaction hadn’t been pretty. Tabby wasn't violent, but her hand had moved before either of them could understand what really happened. He knew she felt horrible about it and hugged her just after making the tears flow. 

Now, he will show up when her thoughts start to overwhelm her and give reassurance that he is fine, that both Cullen’s were healthy and going about their lives the best they can. Hissing, she grabs her father's arm. 

“Papa, stop.”

He leans to the side to look at her face. “Too much?”

“No, I-” she takes another sharp breath, just before feeling and seeing her clothes getting wet. “Oh my… Daddy- no, no this can’t...” Tears started down her cheeks as the full understanding of what was happening dawned on her.

“Tabby?”

“Daddy, call the midwife… call Mama and tell her to come home, now. My water just broke.” 

“But, you're not due for another three weeks,” he says standing up, pulling his phone from his pocket.

“Yes, well that’s more of a guesstimate. The baby is the one who really gets to pick the day, and right now he’s telling us all he wants out now.” She growls toward the end. Slowly she begins to rock back and forth, internally freaking out. It was too soon. She wasn’t ready. 

“Honey? Yes, what? No, I don’t care what you make for dinner. That's not important- well, I know I’m picky, but damn it, woman, listen to me! Get home right now. Tell Markus to use his magic, I don’t care. Tabby’s water just broke and she’s in full blown labor.” She heard for a moment there was silence. “What in the world does me having been the Hero have to do with any- Yes, I’m freaking out! I barely held it together when you had the kids. Now hurry up! I’m calling the midwi- No I haven't called her yet-” 

Tabby looked to her father as he stared at his phone. The look of irritated shock made her laugh even through the pain. He took half a second to take a breath before calling the midwife. Smirking as he helped lift her toward the bathroom, which was set up for the birth already, Tabby kissed his cheek. 

“She yelled at you, didn’t she?”

“If I didn’t love your mother the way I do, let's just say I would probably strangle her.”

“I told you to call the midwife first.”

**4 hours later**

Screams of pain permeated the walls of the house. It had been three hours since her water broke and one more since she was fully dilated. She’d been pushing, but the little guy was taking his sweet time coming out. 

“Tabby, honey you have to breathe. I know it hurts, but you have to breathe like we taught you.”

“Mama, please stop telling me that. I know, but at the moment focusing on my breathing technique isn't it high on my list.” Sighing she leans more on her mother. I'm sorry, I’m so tired. I don't think I can do this.” She said through tears. Her mother lays her cheek against Tabby's sweat soaked head. On either side of the tub sat both Anders and her mother. One was dabbing her head with a cool cloth while the other used a form of ice magic to help cool her body down, because god knows the water was no fucking help. She felt hot and mixed with the pain she was ready to scream. Only she was just too tired to. 

“Yes, you can. That little boy is waiting for your help to come out. Don’t you want to see him? Those big golden eyes you’ve been dreaming of for months?” She whispers into her ear speaking softly and with confidence while rubbing her back. 

“Breathe Tabby, come on. In and out.” Anders brushes back some of her hair. She wanted to smack him. He was only saying that to bug her. Slowly with one hand holding on of here and the other clamped to the back her neck. Anders cast another of his ice spells, Tabby felt it spreading over her skin, the coolness causing her moan in bliss. Another contraction began sneaking up on her, forcing her to push. Screaming, she weeped openly.

_I can’t do this. I-_

“Come on Tabby give me another big push, I can feel him getting close.” The midwife encouraged.

“You said that twenty minutes ago!” She growled, as another contraction built.

“Push!” They yelled. 

“That's it! Keep going. I can see the head! Come on, Tabitha, one more and you will get to see your little boy.”

“I want Papa.” she cried. She felt like a child again. “Markus… Anders, where is my brother?”

“He’s with your dad outside. Tabby, you don’t need them for this. You are strong and can do this without anyone's help, now for the love of god PUSH!” 

It was like a rush. The pain intense for another solid minute, then poof, it began to fade. Tiny hands and feet pass Tabby’s line of vision before the happy tears, blur everything as the little human she'd kept safe inside her stomach the last eight and a half months cried out for the first time. That first moment of those little lungs screeching out as he was laid onto her chest everyone in the room where. Love stronger than she's ever know blossomed as she kissed the wrinkled little alien that was her son. 

**45 mins later**

Mrs. Lancaster had them both cleaned and resting in bed. Tabby couldn't stop staring down into that wrinkly little face that clearly took more from his father then her. Chin quivering, she brushed back a tuft of blond hair. Two little fists curled up under his chin. A knit cap covering most of his head. It was red and with a golden lion stitched into the fold. The boy was going to love lions if for nothing more to honor his father.

A soft knock reaches her ears.

“Is it okay to come in?” 

Tabby turned toward the doorway of her room, her father waiting almost nervously. Everyone had come through the room already, but her father. Which was odd. She thought he'd be the first. Softly she nods.

“Of course, Papa.” 

His large muscular frame moved from the doorway to the bed. Slight hesitation in his step as he came forward. Gently he sits at the edge, eyes misty looking down at his grandson. 

“Oh, cub,” his voice cracked, “He's beautiful. What's his name? Your mom’s refused to tell me. Said it was a surprise.” Large dark hands nearly half the size of the baby reach over to brush forward some hair before moving to stroke a cherub cheek. 

“Hunter Cullen-Bain Rutherford. I wanted him to have a little bit of each of you.” Swells of left over hormones and emotion nearly choke her. “Daddy- I miss him so much. He should be here.” 

“I know, cub. I know.” He kissed her head then Hunter’s. “I wish I could say I have Cullen hidden away somewhere, but I couldn't. I'm sorry. I tried to convince Cole, but he wouldn't allow it.” 

Tired, a small smile curved her lips, she reaches for his hand. “Cole has his reasons Papa. He doesn't do anything carelessly like that. Thank you for trying though. Cullen and I will find away back to each other.” 

The little bundle in her arms wiggled, face scrunching, a whine reaching their ears. 

“Looks like someone is hungry.” She said chuckling.

“So it seems. I'll go get your mother to help you.” 

“Thank you Papa.” 

“Anytime Cub.”

*****Bain*****

Walking out of the house a cigar placed to his lips. Couldn't believe how beautiful Hunter was or how much the Fereldan genetic line dominated. Though really it wasn't too much of a surprise. The twins took mostly from him, something his wife constantly reminded him of. Looking out onto his farm it truely amazed him some days how much he has grown to love the place. The world in the beginning took a while to adjust to but with Anya it all worked out.

Thinking back to all those years ago, Bain smiled. His wife was a feisty woman. Could kick his ass with the same amount of passion as making love to him. It was clear Markus took that trait from her while Tabby was now far more reserved like him. 

Pulling on the celebration cigar Bain love his family, but there was a dark shadow hovering over them. One that not even he could deny, yet. 

“You know you suck at sneaking up on me Fen, so just come one out. I'm celebrating the birth of my first grandchild.” 

Movement in the shadows to his left shifted to allow the elven Mage to step forward. He stood next to Bain turning to look out on the land. A slight wrinkle to his face. He disliked coming to this world, said it carried a stench that would linger for days on his skin. The cigar probably was helping with the curl on his lip. 

“How is she?” 

Neither looked at the other as they spoke. 

“Good. Feeding the wee one. Hunter Cullen-Bain Rutherford is the name she picked. Wanted something of the father and me. She took his name a couple months ago.” 

Bain watched the stiffening of the elf's shoulders. Sighing he turned to look at Fen. They had been good friends once. He'd wanted to help, but truth of his plan was going devastate not just one world but two. And somehow his daughter was a key component.

“I called you here because she wants her husband back. I don't care for Cole's reasoning. I just want my daughter to be happy again.” 

“I told you before. I did not order Cole to take Cullen. The young spirit is making moves all on his own. If I could control him I would seeing as he does nothing but interfere with my plans.”

“Maybe because your plan sucks and puts everyone he remotely cares about at risk. Damnit Fen for the sake of changing the past you are willing to murder millions. Does none of that sound wrong to you? You could change things in the world make things better. Educate the elves. It would take less time and kill less people.” 

Fen eyes just barely narrowed at him.

“I refuse to have this argument with you once again. My choices have been made and already set in motion. Even if I wished to stop the process I couldn't. The blending has begun.” 

Swearing Bain moved away to pace. _So what Tabby had told him about the world beyond the mirror was true. Cullen from that world and the other were melting into each other. The strongest traits from either version taking position and altering the originals. The time variants to this world having fluxed so drastically must also be because of him. Time is slowing down comparative to this world._

“Bain, I will come for her soon.” 

Everything skidded to a halt. With more venom than he intended, Bain looked to the smaller man.

“Excuse me?” 

Fen rolled his eyes. “You heard me. Your daughter has played a role in this all from the beginning. The child that can move between worlds. That has light inside of her so bright she blinds all others. She holds the power to create and destroy all in the palms of her hands. She is Mother Nature and will recreate what I will destroy.” 

“And in the process die from the amount of power that will be needed. You selfish prick. I will not send my daughter to her death.” 

“That is not your choice to make. In the end she will do what is needed or everything and one she loves in those worlds will die. Her Cullen's, her best friend. They will be crushed by it. So you can either begin to train her seriously, to help prevent that possible outcome OR you will watch her die and fail to save those most precious.” 

Reflective blue eyes watched him closely. Bain never wanted this life for his daughter. Never want her to bare the weight he did. Yet, it seemed it was her fate. Everytime he fought against it for her, she was pulled into it another way. When she sealed away her powers it was a gift for them all. Forcing Fen to wait. Now, now the father to his grandchild is over there, her best friend. Cursing he leaned against the banister. 

“How long do I have?” 

“Four years maybe five. It will seem like a long time but really that is months on the other side. The order of time was the first thing to slip when the process began.” 

“She… she will be ready.” 

“Good. Now go inside and celebrate with your family. New life has been created today.” 

There was a clap to his shoulder before the movement of air and magic told him he was gone. Bain slid down to sit on the deck. Once again a feeling of dread entered into his chest. There was so much Fen didn't tell him and it was making him nervous. _Cole…_ The boy was doing things that were bothering Fen… Maybe just maybe the kid had something up his sleeve to help. 

“I do.” 

Jumping nearly out of his skin the young man in the huge hat stepped out of the shadows. 

“Solas is, different, but he is still the same. The wolf demands justice for his people the man wants what is right. It is hard to hear him with all the voices but I am helping. Tabby is strong. A light much like the Inquisitor. Together they can protect everyone.” 

“Kid, why take Cullen? Here he could be safe.” 

“But she would not feel the drive to protect so harshly as now. Tabby needed more. Now there is a baby and he will drive her, drive all three of them. Cullen is unstable. Blending more harsh. She will practice on him. She will learn from them.” 

Piercing eyes turn to the house. “Your wife, she understands. You should tell her. Or she will be scary later. She can help.” 

“Thanks kid, but- and he's gone.” Chuckling at the oddness of the end of his day, Bain signed leaning back. This house was his sanctuary. His family's home. To protect it he'd made choices for them and a lot of times it didn't go well. Maybe it was time.” 

“Bain?” 

Startled he looked up. Anya standing in the doorway a look of concern meeting his. She needed to know. The whole story this time. Reaching out his hand, he called to her. 

“Come here,my love. There is something I want to tell you.”

“Bain.” Her tone was flat and questioning. She was suspicious. Smirking he waved her to come to him. 

“Come. It's important.” 

“The last time you said that you that wolf had come to the house demanding our daughter.” 

He shrugged. She wasn't far off. “Just come here.” 

Slowly, painfully slow she moved towards him. Slipping her hand into his extended one. Quickly he yanked her down, her perfect backside landing on his lap. Instantly different ideas flooded his head, but those would need to be saved for later. Holding her close Bain opens up. Telling her everything. Things she knew about and those she didn't. There were tears and angry hitting and elbowing as she tried to move away from him. There was silence and even a chuckle or two, but most of all she listened. Took in everything and asked questions. Ones he'd thought about and even those he hadn't. In the end she cuddled into his chest. A small tremble in her shoulders. 

“We’ll protect her. When the time comes out little girl will be ready. She will save the day and come back home to us.” 

Bain only nodded. Tabby would survive. She'd live on, but something told him it wouldn't be in this world.


	25. Forgiven (Cullen)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen left Skyhold to find himself again and he and Dominic finally talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY! finished this chapter on the last day of my vacation in Colorado! Came out to Visit Mrs Fandora :D Tomorrow it's back to real life and moving. So this will be another decent break between chapter just because of the move and graduation and family visiting, but in a couple weeks I should be good. The next chapter is Tech written, but needs some major editing... again lmao. 
> 
> Also All lyrics used in today's chapter belong to Halestroms song: Break in. If you can listen to it while reading :D 
> 
> Hearts to everyone is reading and thank you for all the awesome comments and kudos!

*** A Month ½ Later***

“I can take it to her.” A voice said quietly behind him. 

Cullen glanced over not even jumping at Cole’s sudden presents. The young rogue having been floating around the last few weeks. He knew it was because of Tabby. Knew that the two of them had grown close in whatever time they spent together. After his episode with Dominic and seeing Tabby... Cullen chose to leave Skyhold, for a time. He needed to get away; remember what it was like to breathe again. Going to see his family was the only real option. It had been years and they were the only one’s that really knew the old him. They could help in ways he may not know about. Of course he warned them by crow of his arrival and that he was not... well. Promising to explain when he got there. The trip was long and there was about four or five moments where he thought about turning around, but pushed through. Once there he was greeted with lots of tears and hugging. Both his sisters and mother hugging him till he was nearly blue in the face. Mentally he’d made a note not to take so long in seeing them again… though if he went back, this would be the last time. Cullen made the decision to stay with them for a little over a week. In that time he told them of Tabitha; of the things he’d seen and the love he’d found. The pain… 

They took in everything, gave him guidance, helped to remind him of the man he was and how he shouldn’t overlook the strength he held inside. They asked him the hard questions about her and he answered them the best he could. He told them she was a fighter, honest and brave. How she took care of injured soldiers and was a former one herself. He told them of her smile and funny hair. He told them of Danny and the battle he had with trying to help finish erasing that dark spot on her soul. He told them how she helped him get rid of the lyrium pains and finally he showed them the picture. Even if they hadn’t completely believed him before, this one thing proved she was real and that he wasn’t crazy. 

I would be nearly three weeks when he really left. Everyone visited his parents home, husbands and wives, cousins and nephews and nieces. His youngest sister had give birth to a little boy not four months before. When she handed him to Cullen it took everything he had not to weep. Philip Stansfield. It was her first. He was so small, it took them until the boy was crying from hunger that he let him go. On his last day there, he walked alone with his father. They were the quiet ones of the bunch and every once in awhile the chaos would be too much so they would go for walks. 

It was during the walk his father presented what he had secretly come for, but not before giving some much needed advice. 

_“This was your grandmother’s and mother's ring. I know that as the oldest you have the right to ask for it whenever you wish, but I can’t help worrying about you son. In the time you have been home, you have hardly slept or eaten. You’re reserved in a way you have never been before. I know that you will not stop until you reach Tabitha again, but after everything you told us. Ask yourself this: what would she say or do if she saw you as you are?”_

_Sighing, he rubs the back of his neck staring up to the stars. “Probably hit me up side the head only to hug me, telling me I was better and stronger than this. That booze is a way to escape not deal with the issue at hand.” Smirking he looks to his father, “That I was also an idiot.”_

_“Smart woman. Your mother and sister’s will like her for that bit alone.” His father puts an arm around Cullen’s shoulders. “Son, you have grieved her loss, been angry and made mistakes. Maybe it’s time to use your inner Tabby and heal. It won’t be easy and you will have bad days, but it will get less painful.”_

Focusing away from Cole, sitting by the open pond near his old home, Cullen played with the ring. The stone wasn’t big nor the band, but it was special. For the last three generations every woman marrying into the family has worn it. The eldest son being given the ring once they are to be wed. In a way he was glad that he came back. This ring was important and he knew one day he would have regretted not having given it to Tabby. While the coin was special it was still a trinket. Even though Cole had told him, she’d cried, happily for a whole hour while holding him. The point of that was peace of mind along with the reminder that something of him was still with her and their child. 

Closing his eyes he could see her in that one moment they had at the mirror. She was so beautiful, her hair shorter and the color of pale lavender. Skin glowing from their child the bump if her stomach as it grows. He wanted to be there, should be there…- pinching the bridge of his nose Cullen curbed the flare negative emotions boiling up. He would see them again no matter what it takes. Standing he wonders about his child again, praying secretly for a boy. _Maker help me if it’s a girl… forever surrounded by them seems to be my fate._ Smirking while walking back into the cabin Cullen knew he it really didn't matter so long as they were healthy. 

Entering the small cabin he places his boots at the door. It had taken in a day to clean it up, but it was now liveable. A decent sized bed, fireplace, cupboard for food and storage, a rug with a chair and small bookcase. Closing the door he turns to the chair. Tabby’s black bag rested against it, untouched since that day with Dom. 

He hadn’t been ready after finding the photo.

Now… now he felt he could do it. 

Taking a deep breath he picked up the bag; moving to sit down on the mattress. The sketchbook the first thing he finds. Flipping through the pages felt as if she was sitting with him. Curled into his side pointing out different things, waiting to see his reactions to a few. There were little doodles everywhere, some more intricate than others, several pages of him in various situations. Two to three within Skyhold working, one with him training with his men, shirt gone. He couldn’t help chuckling at the small doodle at the bottom of big eyes and hearts. There were different moments around the house, the fair and what looked like the beginnings of the photo he found inside. Further in others from Skyhold popped up, like Dorian and Bull, Varric and Hawke Cassie and the Lily… so many it amazed him just how much talent she had. 

Placing it carefully off the to side he continued: finding a case of pencils, pens and markers that she used for sketching, a half empty box of tea -it all having spilled into the bag- the smell of peppermint reaching his nose. He’d have to make some later before bed. Reaching into the front pocket he pulls out about half a dozen of the small bands that would hold back her hair, she’d complained she could never find them before and now he knew why. Shaking his head Cullen pulls a set of keys, a hunting knife, a bottle of the stuff to help with headaches, a few melted chocolate kisses that they found he loved, randomly a small bottle of sugar cubes, a hat or _what did she calls this thing again? AH! A beanie._ It went on for a bit with more random things, his toothbrush was in there and toothpaste, headphones, random things that Cullen just shook his head at wondering why in Markers name she would need this for the ride they had planned? 

Then he found them, the one thing that he had waited for, buried close to the bottom of the bag. 

Their phones. 

Pausing he held her’s in his hand noticing that it was warm and plugged into a small brick thing at the bottom. Another pair of headphones still attached. The memory of her putting music onto the thing from her computer returning. Clicking the small button on the side, chocolate brown eyes suddenly gaze up into his. A sparkle of laughter making the corner of his lips lift. She must have placed a charger in the bag to keep it some dying. Cullen could almost hear her giggling at him. 

Opening the phone, it beeps loudly in warning. Cursing Cullen moves through the bag, something-

_“Tabby, what the Maker is that thing you’re packing?”_

_Chuckling she pulls it out. It wasn’t large, in fact it was rather light and it seemed to flicker on whenever sunlight touched it. “This is an eco charger for our phones. It uses sunlight to recharge them so if we ever get stranded and need them there is a way to keep them powered.”_

_“Are you expecting to get lost on the way to your parents home?”_

_“No,” A shadow passed over her eyes, “You never know where you might be when you need it. I just want to be prepared. Now, come on we are already extremely late.”_

Pulling out the base he moves to the window. Sunset would be in a few hours so hopefully it would still work. Sticking one part to the window he plug it in waiting for the sound that it has started to charge. Sliding his finger across he unlocks it, pausing for a second as he tries to remember how she worked it. The Photo’s button took a moment to find but he got to quickly. Cullen wanted nothing more then to see her face again. To remember the joy of her smile or the goofy side of her… There was actually a time she licked his cheek while taking a picture in.. _What was that machine called again… something booth._ The two photo’s after that were his shocked face and her laughing, him licking her nose and laughing, and them kissing. They had been at the fair, before the fight so she was dressed in that outfit and he in his armor. _I wish I had kept those… minus watching her get nearly cut in half we had had a wonderful time._

Scrolling through each photo he passed over memories and moments, such as, the fair, the day at the mall, cooking together, him in his room, even a few she took with him not looking… Running his hand through his hair he tried to keep it together as he realized what this all was. _She was trying to hold onto the memories. She was preparing to lose me. Everything she did was to hold onto my memory. Tabby, I wish you were here. There's so much I want to tell you._

A smile, though weak, was still on his face as he scrolled through more. It wasn’t until he was close to the end that he noticed the photos were of her holding signs. Backing tracking a few Cullen turned the phone to the side. Looking closely he reads the words:

**Our time is limited. We both know this.**

**But I want you to still have something of us. Of me.**

**The music on this phone is meant for you.**

**Everything I couldn’t say to you, they can for me.**

**I miss you. Even though you are still with me at the moment, I know it is coming.**

**I wish I had the power to hold you to me.**

**Please, never forget that no matter how far are you are from me,**

**I love you, my Commander.**

**P.S. There’s something at the bottom of the bag for you.  
Happy Santialia**

The smile she gave him, the tears in her eyes as she blew him a kiss… he couldn’t- he had to put down the phone. A chill filled his body, moving down his spine to work its way to his heart, but quickly he stamped it down. He refused to allow the anger inside of him to take over.

Placing the headphones in his ears, remembering to turn down the volume, he went into the music section. A list with his name waiting for him. There seemed to be an order he’s supposed to listen to them in so touching the first one on the list the title saying **Cover: Break in**. The opening of a piano sinking into smoothly into his bones. Just as a voice he’d been hearing his dreams for the last couple months echos around him. 

_Put your lighter in the air and lead me back home_  
When it's all said and done I'll follow the echoes  
I hear you night after night calling out my name  
And I find myself running to meet you  
I didn't want to escape  
From the bricks that I laid down 

Ignoring the lump forming in his throat, Cullen reached into the bag moving a few things around so to grab what felt like a small box at the bottom. Hands trembling he watches the small package break the surface of the bag, but he paused as the next lines in the song rang out. 

_You are the only one_  
The only one that sees me  
Trusts me and believes me  
You are the only one…. 

Slamming his eyes shut Cullen forces himself to breath. A lump the size of a nug working its way up. The bright red paper around the box in his hands splits as his fist tightens around it. Looking down he quickly removes the ribbon and paper. As the next lines are spoken, his world narrows as he lifts the lid. 

_You let me fall apart without letting go  
Then you pick up the pieces and you make me whole..._

Laying atop a white fluffy fabric pillow, the most astonishing; unexpected thing looked back at him… something he knew had been packed away before they had left. Pulling the long metal beaded chain, to sets of flattened metal with words pressed into to clink together. 

_“Dog tags? Why would you wear something meant for hounds?”_

_Laughing she move closer to him explaining as she shows him them the tags._

_“They’re not for dogs, silly. In this world, if you are apart of the military you are given these for identification. See, there is my full name, social security number, religon, and blood type. When we are sent into to combat we know that there is a good chance we might die. You’ve read of the destructive power we hold in his world. This is to ensure something of us is returned home, even if our bodies need to be abandoned. When I was away for that one tour I carried one in my boot and one around my neck so that if I was blown up and all they could find was my leg they would be able to identify me. There are some people that go as far as to tattoo their information on their bodies or implant chips.”_

_“I suddenly feel very relieved you are no longer in the service of your country.”_

_Hugging him tightly she chuckles._

_“They are important though. It gives more peace of mind to families knowing that there is something left. Something to remember them by. Now,” she pulls away tucking the chain back into the box, “why don’t we start dinner.”_

Cullen holds the chain in his hand for a while. Listening to the songs she left him and missing everything that was Tabby. A nudge at the back of his mind warned him of his other self being able to see him. A mild twinge of pain echoed back to him from the other and Cullen regretted that he couldn’t control or stop what was happening to them. An image of a hand resting on his shoulder came through and a warmth of understanding. It was a reminder he wasn’t alone in this all. One other person beside Tabby knew what he was feeling and while filled with pain he offered as much comfort as he could. Leaning back he thanked the man quietly and lost himself in the music. Each one of the song tellings him in some form or another that it will be okay, not to worry, and to forgive.

It wouldn’t be till long after the sun went down that Cullen finally took out the headphones resurfacing to world. Turning his head to look up at the moon a sense of peace settled over his soul. _I can do this… we can do this. I won't disappoint you, love._ Stretching his now tired body he stood and walked over to the bed; beginning the process packing his things. Lightly brushing his lips over her printed name as he lifts the chain over his head letting the tags settle against his chest directly over his heart. 

“You’re ready.” Cole says, smiling at him.

Smirking Cullen nods. “Yeah, I guess it’s time to go home and apologize to a few people.”

“They already forgive you, but yes, that would be good.”

*****

The next morning Cullen saddled up his horse, dressed in full gear. Somewhat shaven, hair pushed back, clean. He looked like himself again if only a little thinner. It would take about six hours to get back. When he arrives at the gates of Skyhold, Dom is waiting, a stupid grin on his face. Brown almost caramel colored eyes watched him as he strode through. Stopping he looked down at his elven friend.

“Welcome back Commander.”

Smirking back he dismounts. “Good to be back Inquisitor.”

“Dorian would be here, but everyone is preparing for the trip to the Winter Palace and there was a problem back in Tevinter about a month ago. He said he would meet us there. Seems our allies are unsure of whether to use us or destroy us. Again.”

Rolling his eyes, Cullen hands off his horse, giving instructions for his things to be taken to his office. The only thing takes off and carries being Tabby’s bag. The flash in Dominics eyes doesn’t go unnoticed. Chuckling through his nerves Cullen rubs the back of his neck. 

“Relax, I would actually like to talk you now. Though with less fits.”

Dom rubbed his jaw. “It would be appreciated. Dorian was rather pissed when I came back that day with a busted face. He was actually ready to set you on fire.”

“I probably would have let him to.”

Silence claimed them as they walked through Skyhold. Dominic informing him of events that had happened and where someone their friends had disappeared to. Varric being Viscount of Kirkwall was a surprise, but somehow he knew if anyone could save that city it would be him. Cassie was doing wonders as Divine and trying to do right by everyone without short handing others. The mages were free and the College was doing well. Cullen had high hopes for them all. Bull and The Chargers were still with the group off doing various missions still. Sera was the same, Blackwall was with the Wardens officially, helping out Hawke, Lily and Josephine were working like crazy since his departure, but had managed with his seconds help. 

Things stayed professional until they reached Dom’s private rooms. Nothing had changed, it was cleaner, _Dorian’s doing as always._ Books were scattered everywhere, Elven texts, Tevinter language books, History of Thedas and its political systems. Paperwork littered the desk and floor, the fireplace was raging. 

“How about a little game while he talk. It’s been awhile where I haven’t had to yell at someone for cheating.”

Putting down the bag Cullen chuckled under his breath agreeing. Dom walked to the bookcase pulling out the dusty chess board and pieces. It was about ten minutes into the game that he finally spoke. 

“I’m sorry... for everything that happened. I-”

“Cullen, stop. I understand, probably more than you may think.”

Cullen looked at his friend freezing mid-move. “Dom, I really don’t think you do. The woman I love, who is carrying my child is in another world. I was stolen from here to there, I accepted my fate. I was ready to commit to that world and her. I didn’t even get to say goodbye. On top of that I have a man who is me, from another version of our world, who is also in love with her and can see her much more easily. On top of all of that, I'm slowly killing that man. We are becoming one or he he becoming me or I don’t even know what and I can’t fucking stop it. Now tell me, where you are the same in this?”

Silence stretched between them as both glared. Dom’s hand was resting on the table, knuckles white as he spoke first.

“It’s like an itch at the back of your skull. One that pulls and pushes in such a way you feel sick. One moment you are you and the next you are someone else in love with the same man. But that other you is giving you can’t to one you love the most.” Looking down hair falling into his face, Dom’s voice falls. “Dorian could have done far better than me. I know I don’t make him as happy as I could. We have fought and broken apart so many times and gotten back together… I’ve made him cry and regret his choices to pick me. I’ve told him more then once he could do so much better. That I do nothing but hold him back. I want to love him openly, with the passion I feel burning inside, but it’s like there is a wall. Like I’m not allowed to love.”

_He does understand… not in the same way of course, but he knows. Damn me and my big mouth._ Setting down the piece in his hand, Cullen shook his head. 

“That is crap Dominic. If Dorian didn’t want you he would voice it and he knows you love him. Yes, you are rougher around the edges, but I’ve seen the way you look at him. It’s pure affection and passion. Dorian isn’t always easy either and he knows that. Make the times you have each come to me about the other. Idiots the both of you.”

“That's not the point.” He curses, throwing the piece he’d picked up back onto the board knocking over half the pieces. “This other man… he does and says everything I have ever wanted to with Dorian. Where I would bite my tongue he would talk things over with him. He doesn’t let it fester. When they fight they don’t hurt each other, they talk and compromise ”

“You can’t be anyone but yourself. Dom, if I did this with my other self, worrying each time, I'd be old and grey.”

“That because you're not the one who’s going to disappear. How do you think the other one feels? Hm? Do you think he wants to give up his life or the love he feels for your woman? No. He wants to keep her, love her openly and completely, but he can’t. He’s in pain almost constantly, mentally and physically. Cullen there are days I can’t remember my mother clearly. My father’s face keeps changing. I know I was an only child and yet I have memories of older brothers I never knew. I second guess choices I’ve made thinking I did something one way and really it was another. I’m being torn apart and I have no way of stopping it. I can’t tell Dorian. He’s worried enough about me, just adding to that with everything going on with his father. I just can’t.”

“Word of advice, bottling it up and letting it eat away at you does nothing, but force away friends family.”

Growling Dominic stood quickly, rushing to pace the room. “I know that! Damn it, I don’t like the way I am. I don’t like that I can’t share this shit with the one man I want to call mine.” Cullen watched as rapid emotions he knew well clouded his friends eyes. Despair, longing… regret.

“We’ve been fighting. Stupid things. Things I know are my fault. Things I shouldn’t take out on him or blame him for, but it happens.” He walks to the white couch, collapsing into it with his hand scrubbing over his face. “I’m dying. Not just from whatever this shit it is, but this-” Dom holds out his hand. The mark activating, making his friends face scrunch in agony as he holds onto his wrist. “I can’t stop it. Like everything else in my life, my fate has been chosen for me. It’s hard for me to say, but I hope we are disbanded.”

“Dominic, you can’t-”

“I want to spend my last days with the man I love. I want to live out my life the way I want to with the little time I have left to me.”

Cullen stared at his best friend only to feel that small movement at the back of his skull. Thoughts filled his mind, his other half sharing with him understanding and opening up the channel between them more letting him see. The room shifted, blurred for a moment, his stomach turning in a way he never thought. Then like a hot poker being pressed to his temple, memories not his own sliced their way through. Childhood one’s from him dominating his own… an odd little girl flashing before him, the image fuzzy, her small voice muffled. Then he hears her scream, crying… but why?

“Cullen!”

Opening his eyes, he first sees the ceiling then Dominic hovering over his body. Something warm and wet on the side of his head. Could feel it dripping, but nothing hurt.

“Dom?”

“It’s okay, no, no. Don’t move yet. Let the haze wear off or you will be sick.”  
“What in the Void just happened?” Cullen had shared or had altered memories before, but that… that was… “Am I bleeding?”

Nodding, Dom helps him sit up. “Yeah I was about heal you when the wound closed. Wait here, I'll get a wash cloth.”

“No. It’s fine.”

“Cullen, you have blood all over your head and face. Dorian is going to kill you for staining his favorite carpet... Damn, I’m going to need to have Josie grab the last replacement.”

Dom spoke more to himself as he moved around the room. Cullen’s mind was a little slow to catch up. “Wait, last one? You’ve replaced this one before?”

A lightness to his features was gifted to Cullen. It was the first time since he arrived that his friend seemed amused or to be enjoying something. A hidden joke that no one else may know of. 

“I’ve replaced it three times so far. I bought out the person who made them after I mistakenly burnt the thing after an argument with him. He loves the stupid thing saying it adds life to the room. I think it’s obnoxious personally, but it is extremely soft so I allow it. I believe after ruining the first one, Joise originally bought five… so to date I should have one more hidden somewhere. I’ll need to order more before he returns home. Here.” 

Cullen took the wet cloth wiping away the crimson trail from his hairline to neck. Every muscle in his body ached as if he had been in battle. Head throbbing like it used to with the lyrium withdrawal. He’d be needing some of those pills and the tea tonight. Though he’d wanted to jump back into his work, it seemed fate was not going to be on his side. One more day wouldn’t hurt. 

“You know I think this is longest we have spoke in a while. Even before I had left. It’s nice.”

Dom helped Cullen to his feet. “Yes, it is.” he paused looking to collect his thoughts. “I will talk to Dorian at the Winter Palace. I’ll tell him everything. I promise, but promise me that you will allow that other you the time to love. I can guarantee, that unless you say it is okay he won’t ever find happiness. He will fade away never knowing what you have and longing for it.”

He knew that. Felt the resistance even though he’d said it was okay. How he could do anything from this far was beyond him, but he would keep trying.

“I’ve thought about it, but there is no way I can force him to do anything. He is in love with Tabby and I know he speaks to her for my sake, but it also for him. I can feel each time I take over that a little more of him is lost. I want to stop it yet I know I can’t and I wonder what will become of us when it finally happens. Will I be more him than me? Will Tabby be able to handle the change?” Laughing lightly to himself, “Ignore that last comment. Tabby is strong… stronger then most of us put together. I just hope my other half isn’t an idiot or she will eat him alive.”

“I bet, but he is you Cullen and I hate to admit it but you are a little slow to start when it comes to women.” Cleaning up a little Dom glance between Cullen and the bag. “Now, tell me about your girl. There are a few bets going on in terms of what she looks like, how she is as a person and let me tell you, I will not lose my money to Varric and Dorian.” 

Chuckling Cullen nodded, opening the bag he’d brought in. Showing him Tabby and her world. It was odd to show her off like a prize, but he knew he was one lucky man. Loving her, made him into the man that he was now. Losing her bore a hole into his soul and yet it also taught him how to stand up again. While there was no real way to reach her, he wondered if his other self could or maybe even Cole.

Making a mental note to talk to the rouge again Cullen spent time with his friend before calling it a night. It was beautiful with the moon so full and pure. One day he would look up with Tabby these nights and just enjoy each others company before returning to their rooms and their child. Just as he opened his door to his office the air shifted. A pull of the air around him seeming to almost be sucked away. Leaning heavily against the wall, hand clutched to his chest he whispered for Cole. 

Something was wrong… very wrong.


	26. Off to Wonderland, Part one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been two years, the pain hasn't gone, but faded to an ache she can push to the side. 
> 
> But something has happened and Cole rushes to get Tabby. The gateway to world on the other side of the mirror open for a limited time... Can she save the other Cullen or will she lose both men?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY! I posted! I suck at this currently and I know it lol 
> 
> I wanted to give you guys a longer chapter, but the chapter is kinda shifting as i'm editing. This is the reason its taking so long. Also work and life. I hope you all enjoy part one of this!
> 
> XOXO to all still reading this and sorry again for being such a crappy updater lol

****Two Years Later (give or take)****

“Okay, here are his vitamins, stuffed Dragon-”

“Dragneel!” Hunter wiggles in her arms happily as she passes the small bag over. Kissing the top of his head Tabby smiles down at her son.

“Yes, Dragneel sweety,” looks back to her brother, “extra sleeping pants and diapers. There are three binkys, but try to only use them for naps and bedtime. No diaper rash lately, but I put the cream in along with baby powder. we don't like peas anymore, again, we have switched to bananas and peaches. Oh and I need to go grab his stuffed Happy-”

“HAPPY! Unca he’s a flying kitty!”

“He is?” 

Hunter nodes excitedly hugging his baby stuffed lion. It’s been his partner in crime since he was just a noodle. _God, he’ll be three in just a few more months_ Chest tight she hugs him a little closer. _You’re growing up too quick._

“Yes, my little lion he is a flying kitty,” pulling Hunter to her chest, covering his ears she looks to her brother in law, “Anders becareful with him and the cats he’s now under the impression they can all fly and talk. I’ve tried showing him Happy is special but so far nothing. OH and-”

“For godsakes Tabby relax. He’s going less then fifteen minutes away not China. Come here buddy, you’re Mama is going crazy.” Markus holds out his arms. Grinning Hunter leaps from her hip to him, cuddling his stuffed lion and curling up under his chin. His eyes seemed to shut almost instantly in bliss. A look of pride fills Markus’s face, looking up at her like ‘well that wasn’t so hard, now was it?’ 

Stunned she watches them together completely at peace. “One day you’re are going to show me how you and Papa do that.Because I clearly am losing my mommy is awesome touch. I mean, when he first got sick I couldn’t even hand him to Mama without him crying hysterically. Then, poof, after two days he wanted nothing, but Papa. He would cry non stop asking for his Pop Pop, who proceeded to call Jake and tell him to finish taking care of the farm. The next two days dad stayed here with him while he slept. It was cute, until you two to stopped by to see Mama. Now he wants you and Anders. I don’t know weather to be grateful or jealous.” 

They both chuckle, looking down at the little man. Anders standing close to rub Hunters back as he rests against Markus. It had been over two years already and while things weren't always amazing Tabby was better. About a year after Hunter was born she moved into the cottage house next door. It was a small single family home. They wanted to give her privacy again. While she loved her family she couldn’t live at her parents house. The new place had needed major overhauling, after Cullen had been taken and she’d lost control… okay she’d pretty much blew out every single window and the front door. After that water had gotten in and destroy nearly everything inside. 

The home was originally made to house Warden’s that had fallen and been sent to this world. She remembered them from her childhood, men and woman, looking so sad and then leaving with new lives ahead of them. Her father told her that after the large battle at Adamant so many had come over he ended up having to build barracks up in the mountains. Seems that somewhere in the forest there lies a cave that reborn warden arrives in. She's never seen it but then again she hadn't been in those hills for years. 

Adamant had been a “cluster fuck” according to her father. He couldn’t work with them all at once and some needed to wait and stay there nearly four months before he could relocate them. So now they live here, in peace… waiting and training. 

Big amber eyes open up for a moment, looking to her he mumbles “Papa” and she knew what he meant. Reaching into the bag on the floor she pulls out the laminated photo of her and Cullen. He slept with it every night and when he really didn't feel well he cuddled with it. Maker...he was turning more and more into his father. Not just in looks of course. Hunter was stubborn, though that came from both sides, kindhearted and free spirited… she just wanted to hold him again. 

Tabby refrained though. 

It had been a rough couple days after he caught a nasty cold about a week before. While the worst of the fever nights he’d spent with her in bed, it was after that that he felt the need to get love from everyone. She tried to stay firm and explain they were not able to see them, but after two nights of no sleep and constant crying, she caved. He’d cried for her brother and Anders nearly non stop, it was so bad that he’d made himself worse and vomited all over the bed. She’d hoped Skyping with them would hold him off, but no. Hunter wanted his Unca’s and demanded it until both men were now standing in the mud room waiting to take the little cub.

Stepping forward she brushed back his blonde curls, kissing his head. Frowning she presses her lips to his head again. _Damn, another fever._ She looks to her brother, who follows suite and presses his lips to his head. He looks up to his husband and Anders does the same. Concern creasing his brow, he whispers to her.

“Do you want us to stay?” 

Shaking her head she grabs his blanket. Markus maneuvers him so that he’s cuddled into it. “He won’t sleep. I’ve tried everything. If you stay he will know and wake up and none of us will sleep. It’s what happened with Papa.” Sighing she pulls Anders to the side handing him the small bag of medicines with Hunter's name and nebulizer. “Everything he needs is in this bag if he gets bad tonight. I want him to stay, but he refuses to sleep and if he starts crying like before he will just make himself worse. 

As a mom, I should make him stay, but I’m logical too. He needs you two for comfort and i’d rather him sleep and get better happily then be upset. One day he’s going to demand us all at one time and we will have to sleep in the same bed to make him happy.” 

Laughing they walk back over. Sneaking a glance at Anders as he watches Markus. Smirking she knew he wanted a baby with her brother. The discussion of adoption/ having a surrogate having come up more than once at their weekly lunches. Markus was ready, but Anders was doubting himself. Thinking he wouldn't make a good father. Tabby hoped tonight would help lean Anders the rest of the way. 

Walking them out, thunder roars through the valley lightning flashing in the distance. Wind whipping around them. 

“You two better get going. That looks like a rough one.” she says as a tingling sensation builds at her fingertips. Just two and a half years of training and she was far more intune with nature than before. While she prefered healing magic, her natural skill was with fire and lightning much to her displeasure as each day she grew stronger. The powers to her past slowly unlocking. Meditation had taken her farther than she thought possible, but there was a door inside her mind that was still lock tightly. Anytime she tried to go near it deep uncontrollable sadness overwhelmed her system. More than once she came out of it weeping. The first time she’d been so hysterical, it took her father nearly ten minutes to calm her down. Something had happened… something she as a child couldn’t handle or forgive herself for and locked it away. _you would think nearly killing my own brother was horrible enough, but clearly I did something far worse… Damn it. If only I could just figure it out. I'd be able to cross to the other world._

Smiling she kisses both men on the cheek telling them to call her if they needed anything or if Hunter becomes too much. Two days is a long time when you don't feel well, but it's what's her little man wants. And she's desperate. Standing on the porch Tabby waves until the car was gone. Sighing she goes inside, it was bed time. Even though it was only 8:30, it was most definitely bed time.

***1 am***

The roar of thunder and dry lightning crashes through the air, making the house shiver. Her prediction about the storm had been far more accurate than she’d thought. Static was so heavy in the air Tabby felt the buzz straight to her toes. Cuddling into her bed, knees drawn up under her long ivory night dress. It had been hours since she showered, shaved, and dressed for bed. She’d even curled her hair, she was so bored of being awake. It had finally grown back to the length before. Resting at her mid back though the color was just a little bit different. Light icy lavender with hints of pink rose tone waves curled around her face softening the harsh lines from lack of sleep.

Tabby was about half way between the fade and being awake when the air twisted around the room. Snapping open her eyes she scans the the doorway, she nearly jumps out of her skin when she sees him fade into view from the shadows. The electrical charge in her hand disintegrating.

"Damn it, Cole. It's close to one in the morning. I was finally about to fall asleep. What could possibly-"

"He needs you.” Rushing forward he grabs at her arm, “Now. Something is wrong. He's causing him too much pain. The nightmares... Please I can not help."

"But-"

"The mirror will guide you. Please you must hurry."

“The mirror hasn’t worked in two years Cole, I’ve been trying to reach you all and nothing.”

“It is complicated, please you must go. Time is almost up.” 

Cole was panicking… he never does that. Cursing she jumps from the bed, her house coat yanked off the wall as she darts out of her room. Cole's voice following.

"He is waiting. I already told the hero."

Sprinting across the grass, the night air chilling her skin as she beelines it to the barn. A glow illuminated from the inside. The figure of her father easily made out. Skidding to a stop she looks at the mirror she’d stood in front of once a week for the last two years. 

“Papa?” 

“I know already, but listen to me, you can only be there for four hours max. Sooner if possible. I can't hold the doorway open for any longer or I'll deplete my magic.” 

“The time fluctuation, how am I supposed to keep track?”

“I will get her when it is time.” Cole said making them both jump. 

Biting her lip she thinks of Hunter and all the horrible things that could go wrong. She could die or get stuck or - no Cullen needed her and she will come back to her baby. She would pull a Solas if she had to and rip down the mother fing veil to make sure of it. 

Taking a deep breath she kisses her father's cheek and turns to the mirror. Pulling at the leather bound necklace she kisses the small coin as she steps through. The crossing took but a second and she was on the other side. She almost didn't realize it, but she had by passed the in between world of mirrors. Somehow I feel this should be harder to do.

“Your mirror is special. As the guardian the switch is instant. Remember this when the wolf comes.” Cole whispers, a hand at her lower back pushes her forward, “Now go. You know the way.” 

Nodding she opens the door slowly at first, looking for the stairway- _Ah! There it is._ Darting forward Tabby takes the stairs two at a time. After putting in over a hundred hours into the game, she was pretty sure that this was the long way around but easiest. She needed to avoid the main hall, and the possibility of running into to anyone important. 

Under the glow of the full moon she raced across the ramparts. Cullen's tower just within view. The few guards she passed blurs, but when she did glance their way she noticed the looks of awe. 

She didn't realize to them she look like an ethereal creature in white. Long hair flying behind like a silver halo. 

Tower after tower she pushed through until she felt him… Cullen's energy was more than familiar. Warm, loving, demanding but so comfortable. A nagging sensation began to build at the back of her mind. One that was familiar. She'd felt it a few times before when speaking to this world's Cullen. It was as if she had forgotten something important. A promise almost. Lost in the chaos she suddenly realized she was standing before his office door. 

Panting she felt that flutter at the bottom of her stomach and tightness building in her chest. Cole wouldn't lie to her, but what if he- a crash and loud thud of something being thrown freeze her thoughts. The cry that followed snapping Tabby free and without to much thought her magic was blowing open his door. The sound of the lock being broken barely registering. 

Opening her mouth to say his name, she stops as shock builds up from her toes. The office was in shambles. Papers everywhere, chair knocked over, a bookshelf blocking the door on the far end as it lays on its side. Leather bound books flung all over the floor, ink stained the wall and door to her left. 

_Oh, Cullen. Your OCD is going to rage at you later._ she thought with a smirk. The man was meticulous if not a little neurotic with his personal space. 

A moan mixed with a growl of pain caught her ear. All humor left, chocolate eyes flicking up toward the loft area. Her feet moved quickly to climb the latter. It was a half thought as she waves a hand, the door below slamming shut. Once at the top, that tight sensation in her chest turned upward into a near chokehold.

Curled into himself on his bed Cullen moans, pain practically vibrating off of him; his room in just as broken a state as his office. 

“Ah!” A single tear leaked down over his cheek. Mouth dropping open, a slight choking sound reaches across the room as Cullen's back arches off the bed violently. 

Hand flying to her mouth, horror pinches her face as suddenly his eyes widen. What came next nearly stopped her heart as parts of Cullen seemed to be pulled away from his body. It was almost like a visual effect she'd seen in the Harry Potter movies, when the dementors suck the life from their victims… 

This lasted a few second before the room falls silent, his body sagging yet stiff, face falling away from her. Rushing forward Tabby climbs onto the bed to kneel beside him. Carefully she turns his face back too look at her. The chill of his skin leeching away heat from her fingers. Closing her eyes she pulls on her magic, needing to understand just what the hell- 

_oh god._

If she ever wanted to learn what being pulled apart atom by atom looked like, she was sure this was about as close as she would get. Pieces of him were literally flowing out and toward where her Cullen must be. There was no blending… Traits of each man were being ripped apart and then haphazardly stitched back together. Dominate parts leaving the weaker one to join with the main host body. 

Breathing deeply for a moment, eyes falling shut, Tabby meditates softly before reaching out with more power. In order to lessen the  
connection, or make it less sloppy, she would need to plug the “holes”. Of course she couldn't completely because the process was to far gone, but if she didn’t try, the man she loved and this Cullen would collide together at such a rate that neither would survive. It would be similar to watching two bullets being fired at the same time and hitting one another. The two pieces smoosh into one but in a very Frankenstein type of way. 

Light the color of the oceans in tahiti drifted from her hands to cover his stiff frame. Minutes passed until Cullen body started to relax. A sheen sweat had broken out over his brow and neck heat beginning to radiate off his body like a tiny furnace. His breathing gradually evening out, eyes glazed, but closing in relief. 

Shifting her weight she cools one hand to rest over his brow, a soft sigh resonating from his lips. The light fades, Tabby slumps forward over his chest forehead pressed just over his heart. A full body tremble started at the tips of her figures before spreading.

_Shit, that took more magic than I thought._

While her training had prepared her to use high amounts of magic at once and back to back. If she had to use that amount of magic to get to get to the other world… Quick and disheartening realization swept through her. _I'm not strong enough. Id never make it and if I try to bring Hunter. It could kill me. Damn it why? Why won't that last piece of my past unlock? What the hell am I so frightened of? What did I do?!_

The trembling in her body quickly stopped being about the lack of magical power and was fueled by anger and shame. So much was depending on her and yet if she tried any of it now she’d more than likely die. Cursing to herself, Tabby shifted slightly pushing her legs to the side rather than kneeling on them. She dragged one arm over his waist tilting her head to the right. Cullen's face now within view, his heartbeat singing to her withering spirit. Exhausted from those movements Tabby knew anymore and she'd hit the ground before knowing what happened. 

Sighing she gazed up to the man beneath her, some difference between the two version showing now that she was closer. This version was shyer, more like the man she’d come to know in the game. Quiet yet loving. Willing to suffer alone then cause pain to others. Cullen was Cullen, which made its own kind of sense, yet something felt off. Carefully she raises her free hand brushing the tips of her fingers along his stubbled jaw. The blending had taken a toll physically on her Commander. His hair was a miss, skin slightly washed out, the handsome stubble longer, but not yet beard status. Reaching a little further she touched the scar above his lip. The urge to kiss it and kiss was intense and nearly overwhelming. It pushed at the back of her mind… Something innocent and young. A memory she felt but couldn't reach to see. Her hand developed a mind of its own as it moved over his lower lip. It was a feather of a touch, but she felt the shift in his form, saw the movement behind his eyes.

They fluttered for a moment then hesitantly honey eyes open. The pinch in his brow as he glanced around the room left her wondering what he was thinking. For the moment he didn't seem to notice she was laying on his chest. Not wanting to bother him she attempted to move her hand back without him noticing. She had no such luck. 

Head snapping up a gaze she hadn't been gifted with in over two years planted itself on her. Voice rough from the yelling he squinted. Quiet disbelief filling his words. 

“Tabby?” 

“Hey there handsome.”


	27. Off To Wonderland: Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well... sex. Lots of sex and a interesting suprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Makers BALLS! Finally! Love you all for being so patient. So much editing and I hope it flows but ill come back to it again if not. 
> 
> XOXO

****Cullen****

Full lips smirked and Cullen groaned letting his head fall back into the pillow. “Maker why must you torment me so? It's not bad enough I dream of her on my own now I'm seeing things again.” 

Really he wished he knew what he'd done to deserve this kind of torture. _Okay, there are a few things, but still. Shouldn’t we be past this point?_ Sighing he went to shift to his side. Only he couldn’t. He attempted to move again, yet the weight on his chest didn’t shift with him. Inhaling quickly he looked back down to warm, if a little amused, chocolate eyes. With a shaky hand Cullen reached out to one of the soft lavender curls around her face. It felt real, but it couldn’t… Cinnamon colored fingers wrap around his hand bring it to rest upon her cheek. Reflexively he moved his hand further to the back of her head. Silk strands brushed around his hand as he glided his fingers down her neck and shoulders until he stopped at her mid-back. _This can’t be real. Yet…_

“Sweet mother of Andraste. If I've lost my mind and you're not really here, I-.” Using his free hand Cullen brushed back a stray lock from her eyes, before lifting her as he sits up. “Is it really you?”

She looked tired as she raised her hands to rest on his biceps. The touch was light and he knew it was nothing more than to steady herself, but a shock rushed through his body viciously. Swallowing down a moan Cullen watches as she blinks slowly, a small smile curving her lips as she arches into his touch.

_It was so similar. So right... damn it all._

Warm lips crush under his own, a surprised moan coming from the body now pulled tightly to him. Arms snake around his neck and he curses his inability to hold onto some semblance of control, as he pushes the kiss demanding entrance. Tabby’s arms tighten, nails biting as they pull at the back of his head. The memory swam at the back of his mind of what they had done- _No. She’s not yours. She’s not meant for you._ He flinched at that thought, trying to ignore the pain welling up in his chest as he plunged his tongue against hers. They melted into the other arms, the kiss going on until each was forced to pull back for air. Tabby rested her head against his, her soft chuckle tickling his nose.

“Well, I see someone is feeling better.” Cullen leaned in trying to catch her lips again, but she tilted back avoiding it. “Cullen, wait. I-”

The sound of glass shattering inside his head had him jerking. _She’s not yours… she never was. Why are you making things harder for her? Why must you push?_ his inner voice yelled at him. A blush rockets up his neck to edge of his hairline. Shaking his head he starts to let her go.

“I know, you’re not mine. I just couldn't stop. If this is the only moment I ge-” Her lips cover his pulling the same shocked sound she had given him. It took a second, his eyes easily falling in pure bliss as she leads them into another moment. It wasn’t as long, but he assumes it has the effect she desired. Which was rattling his brain enough to shut him up. A breathy laugh gets him to open his eyes once more. A twinkle of mischief coloring her words. 

“I swear you Rutherford men can never wait. Patience of a saint I have for all of you.” Cullen looked at her confused. Tabby sighed looking only partially irritated. “Before you so unnecessarily cut me off, I was going to say, I need a minute. My body hasn’t recovered from the drain on my magic yet.” _Magic? What?_ The confusion on his face must have shown because she laughed lightly again. “I know what's been happening Cullen. Cole came to me asking for help. No, don’t make a face. He is only trying to protect you.” Cullen rolled his eyes, but could only sigh with understanding. While he wished to strangle Cole for interfering, he wouldn’t deny this current outcome wasn’t just what he needed. Shifting he tried to move them, Tabby gripped him around neck a little tighter. “If you let go of me now I may fall over. While this world gives me back my strength faster, I still need more than a few minutes.” Heat builds in those eyes that were as warm as his finest whiskey. Swallowing Cullen tries not to notice how she has now in his lap, that perfect rear end seated in a way that has him hardening, quickly. She shifts, “That and I kinda like this position.” 

“Tabby- you are not helping… I’m trying to be respectful...now.”

“Is that really what you want?”

“No,” he growls, “But I know it’s not me you really want.”

The hand at the nap of his neck, tighten in his hair pulling just enough to shock him, but not inflict pain. 

“Cullen -” she paused, “No, wait-”

****

The switch was sudden. If she wasn't so attuned to fade she never would have realized until it was happening. Stunned Tabby watched the shift in his eyes. It was odd. This Cullen loved her beyond a shadow of a doubt, but what was pushing its way through was more aggressive and very much what she expected hers to be. The shift wasn't over when she felt him move, reaching out to completely encircle her. The kiss that followed consumed them both in the fires of passion.   
Melting into his touch, Tabby pressed down on her odd sense of disappointment. She was fascinated and by this world's Cullen. He made her feel, safe, nostalgic even. It was as if he was an old friend- 

Gasping, she jerks back, wincing as a piercing sensation hits the right side of her head. The scent of smoke and blood fill her nose, the taste of static on her tongue. A cool sweat breaks out over her skin as she stares at her love… only it wasn’t…  
 _“Cullen!”_

_“Run dummy! If they catch you, you will never be able to go home.”_

_“I can’t-”_

_“It’s okay Tabs, I’ll always protect you.”_

_“No!_

Tabby watched the memories wash over her through those amber eye. The bottom of her stomach dropping out as she watches what happened… the reason she’d truly been so upset that day in the forest. 

“I left you… you tried to protect me and- oh god. Cullen I left him, the Templar's,” She pushed back hair from his temple, a scar was hidden under there and traveling down to his ear. A small nick in it telling her everything. Forcing her to remember, the locked down in the back of her mind creed open, the chains being unbolted. 

*****

_“Move boy!”_

_“No! She’s never hurt anyone. She not even from here! You can’t have her. I won't let you hurt my friend.”_

_“Cullen.” trembling she clutches at his small form. It stood between and the Templar's now before them. The fierce look he gave them filling her with strength. He was serious, yet she knew he wanted to join their ranks. If he fought them now he would never get that dream and somehow that hurt more than the idea of being taken did. “Please, I will be okay-”_

_“We told you to move.”_

_The hand shot out and gripped onto Cullen's smaller one and before she do more than scream, he was being flung away, his head connecting with a rock as she rolls._

******

Tabby flinches back from his hold. Guilt flooding forward as the next playout behind closed eyes. She’d lost control hitting both Templar's with her full strength. Tears stinging her cheeks as they yell in pain. One sending out an attack that cut off her magic… Purge. Things are hazy for the longest time, the vague feeling of someone lifting her and small amount of healing magic flowing into her. When she’d woken up she was back in her world and all ability to return locked away. 

“Tabby?”

“This was my world… my original. The closest. I couldn't’ always come here.” Hands reach up to her face, thumbs brushing away tears she hadn’t realized had begun to fall. “Did you both know?”

Cullen looked away. Taking a deep breath before looking her in eyes, she saw the answer before he spoke. “I was given the memories yes, but I don’t know if he knew. He is adamant that he has no right to you… which is a load of crap. Tabby,” their lips brush in a feather light kiss, “we can't stop what's happening, but with your help I believe we have slowed it down. I know you’ve grown to like this version of myself. He’s shyer, more like how I used to be in the circle and closer to the version you know so well.”

Energy returned to her as they spoke, her legs finally able to move. Shifting around him his lap she straddles his legs leaning her face in so their foreheads and noses were touching. 

“I can’t lie that his shyness is a turn on,” smirking she tries to push past the lump growing in her throat, “though I like when you push me against walls and have your way with me.” 

“Tabby, you can’t change what happened. You both were so young and I command him for doing what he did for you. If none of this happened, I wouldn’t have gotten to know you. I feel blessed to have been given the chance.” he said nuzzling her neck. Hands move to grasp onto her hips, the feeling spreading heat. She really shouldn’t be feeling turned on. She should be trying to get him to be more conscious of hiding his emotion from this world's Cullen. The link was fragile and slightest push, as seen currently, would cause the men to switch. The process was painful to the spirit of the other and little bits are lost when it happens. 

Just as she is about to speak, the hands holding her tighten and she is flipped her onto her back, instinctively her legs wrap around his waist. The weight of him flashing her back to their one night together. nuzzling her neck Cullen drags his lips over her shoulder nipping at skin. 

“Maker, you still smell like I remember,” he whispers in her ear, his lips dragging slowly down her neck. She feels his hips pressed closer together, his need pushing at the confines of his sleep pants and to the center of her core. Again her body moves on its own pressing closer, needing him in a way she hadn’t realized. The lower half of her gown hiked up allowing his hands to rest on her hips, fingers caressing the flesh above her panties. She feels his heated breath along her neck, sending shivers down her spine. Lips so close to her ear his next words punched through the haze he’d been building up around her mind. 

“Tabitha, I'm going to kill him eventually. And…” he sighed pulling back allowed her to see the calm yet determined features. “I would never say this casually but...whatever time you have left here, give him as much to hold on to as you can. I mean technically it’s me, his love is the same for you as mine, I'm just the luckier one of us two. That may sound horrible, but i’m more than positive that if things had been reversed I wouldn’t have- ugh, I love you, he loves you… has loved you since you were both little.” Leaning down he takes her lips, pushed up the gown further showing her stomach. The marks from carrying their son, clean on her skin. Cullen moved down dragging his lips over the marks “Tell him of our child, let him learn what was it feels like to truly be loved by you. To hear those little sounds you make when I kiss you. How you gasped when I tasted you the first time, and when you ran your nails down my back as I entered you.”

Cradling his face, Tabby places a feather light touch to his lips whispering against them, “You are the most amazing man I know. This isn’t easy on any of us, but you're right.” The next set of words held in her throat. This was her love, the one she’d spent the last two years dreaming of and seeing in the eyes of her son. Searching she choked out some of the pain. “I’ve missed you. It’s been so long, I- I love you and I want all of us to be happy. To find that happiness that can only be in found in the arms of the one you love- god I’m not good at this and I don't know if you will remember any of it in the end, but I hope something survives later. I want to look into these eyes again and see just, love.” 

Cullen smirked, pressed himself closer a second before dropping his head into her shoulder. The shift was more noticeable this time, as hands holding onto hips tighten, yanking her forward as a low growl vibrates on through the skin of her shoulder and down her breasts. Lips and teeth work their ways up to her jaw, over her chin to devour her lips, his tongue searching, tasting. Lost in the moment Tabby nearly missed the sound of cloth ripping, just before cool air touched her swollen lips. Gasping he looked up into his eyes and the little boy she’d known as a little girl looked back with so much wonder. Tears glistened, back when she thought she’d killed him. Never knowing he’d survived. Not being able to handle the loss.

“I thought you died.” she whispered as she brushed back his hair, touching the scar. This is how it all began. This one man… “Funny, I loved you before any of this happened… I’m sorry for what happened that day. I never meant for you-”

“Shh, it is all in the past. I knew I was a brave, if not foolish lad back then. I’m just glad I was able to protect one thing important in my lifetime. I’m only sorry I forgot you. My funny little fairy.”

“Fairy?”

The smirk he gave her… if he ever learned what it did to her knees. “I didn’t know what to make of you back then. Fairies are mysterious little creatures told to have come from the fade. The can be mischievous and troublesome, yet they bring good fortune to those who fall into their favor.”

Laughing outright she lifts her head to kiss him, “Cullen, I think you earned the favor of the fairy. What is your wish? I grant anything you ask.”

The expression he gives her in the seconds it took to say that, heat pooled low making her legs tremble. She couldn’t control the speeding of her heart and breathing as he shifted worming his arm under her lower back forcing her to arch and then sit up. 

“Take it off.” 

That was an order and that is most definitely the Commander tone he was taking… _Sweet Maker..._ She stripped from her nightgown. Laying bare his warm chest pressing close making her nipples and just about every other body part ache with need.

“Cullen,”

“Touch me,” he whispered into her ear, a very noticeable shiver shot gunning down her her spine, “touch me and remind me that you're real. Show me what will make you scream.” 

An almost predatory smirk lined her lips reaching up she started with what her hands had been itching to do for two years. Starting at the top of his head Tabby rakes her nails through hair, nails dragging against his skull, down the base of his neck, over his shoulders, through the fine hair of his chest, stopping just long enough to go over each nipple. Eyes locked Tabby could almost feel the heat burning from those molten eyes as she moved further south. The linen sleep pants were already loose, slipping her small hand in was easy enough. 

“Is this real enough for you Commander?” 

Stroking up, her thumb grazing over the head, the tip weeping. Cullen's moan filling her ears as his hips thrust up into her palm. There was no sane part of her mind working anymore, she just needed to feel every part of him pressed against her, in her. She needed release, she needed- “Cullen.” she breathed out his name, begging for what she couldn’t say. The snap on his control was nearly audible just before he crushed their lips together, prying open her lips, demanding everything. With her free hand she slowly pushes his sleep pants lower, past his throbbing heat, down his legs. Tabby continued to work him with her hands, the strangled sounds he made each time while she looked between them; the sight of his flesh in her hands… _Wha- oh fuck_

*****Cullen*****

A strangled sound rang in his ears as, the hand on his cock stilling as she gasped and pressed closer. He’d always loved her breasts and they’d most definitely grown thanks to the baby… Lips pull at the pert nibble, teeth tugging, causing her to moan against his bowed head. _Marker yes, let them all hear the passion, the pleasure I’m giving._

“Yes my love, let it out. I want all of Skyhold to know how I make you feel.” 

“Jesus… Cullen, oh God, yes.” That last word rolled off into a moan as one of his hands stopped abusing her nibble to trail down. Her skin was smooth and bare as he reached to touch her; this little fact made him harder as his fingers explored her flesh. Tabby bucked up shocked as he grazes over her hardening bud, the nerves growing more sensitive with each little touch. While he wanted to play with her Cullen needed to be inside, feeling her grip his fingers, sucking them. Fuck he wanted to taste it. To devour everything that was his Tabs…  
Memories of his time with her flooded forward, the little girl he’d fall in love with, the fairy he’d dreamed about, heard her giggles from afar… this woman was her. His Tabs. He’d forgotten about that time. The moment haze from the whack on the head. When he first became a Templar he was so fascinated by magic and the need to protect people burned like a fire. If the circle hadn’t fallen, he probably wouldn’t be cursed like he is with demons. Yet in this moment it didn’t matter, she was alive and he could love her, even if it’s only for a handful of hours.

Lifting his head he took her mouth just as he sank his finger into her, the warmth surrounding him, making him seek more. She was so wet the second had no trouble following as he wasted little time and fucked her, his fingers searching for that one spot.

“And they say Templar's don't know magic.” she moaned, eyes rolling back with her head as he pressed it further into the pillow. He chuckled as her hips grinding down on his hand search for release and Marker did he want to give it. Recalling the memories of their one night together… the sounds she made the way her warmth invited him in. They had to be quiet then, his hand having to silence all those magical-

“Tabby, Maker, come for me love. I need to hear you, feel you.”

“Cullen, I-” he rotated his wrist, used the palm of his hand to grind against her clit and three more strokes before she jerked, a strangled sounded of a moan as she came around his hand. Cullen worked her through it even as she begged for him to wait. He continued and when she came again, she grip onto his hand to stop his movement, legs tightening around his wrist. A slight hysterical laugh bubbled from her lips. A beautiful shine of sweat coated her body, the tattoo’s on her ribs dancing with each gasping breath she took. 

“You are far more sensitive than I remember.” his voice was gruff, his cock twitching to be inside her warm core. Leaning forward he licked a path from one nipple to the other, he would have claimed the nub if a hand didn’t fly to his head halting his play. Lifting his eyes he watched her teeth abuse that plump lower lip. Dark orbs of obsidian watched him with desire and pause. She wanted more, craved it just as much as he did. Slowly he lowered his head, her hand tightened in his hair, yet he didn’t stop as his tongue flicked and played. Neither of them looking away. “You are so beautiful. I wish for more, little fairy. ” 

Humor brightened her eyes making his heart skip. A smile grew quickly then froze as he pulled his fingers from her heat. She watched with fire in her eyes as he brought this hand to his mouth and damned if he didn’t moan at the taste. If he was allowed to live the rest of his days tasting her he’d die happily. He needed more.

“Give me your hands love,” she did obediently and he bit the inside of his cheek to keep from moaning. Cullen extended them up until she was holding onto his headboard firmly, “Keep your hands there. If you let go to reach for me, I’ll stop.” Tabby nodded her eyes large with wonder until he began his trail down her body, licking and nipping until she was writhing against the sheets. Once to her stomach he leans away to press her legs apart. Honey dipped from her core, the work he’d just done allowing him this prize. Unconsciously he licks his lips before settling down onto his stomach, his shoulders forcing her to open up more. Hooking his arms around her legs he pulled her open. He felt like a beast ready to devour her as his next meal. Blowing softly across her wet skin he could see her nectar seeping out. Leaning closer he watched the muscles in her stomach spasm with anticipation. Lifting his eyes, he watched her watch him. Hands around he headboard white at the knuckles, he knew she was still so sensitive but there was no way he wasn't going to taste her even though his cock was so hard he could rub against the sheets and come as he tasted her little fairy. 

Grinning at the sharp intake of breath when the flat of his tongue slowly pressed against her skin the tang and sweetness mingles at the back of his throat as he drinks her in. Her flesh yielded to him as he thrusts his tongue into her opening, teasing her entrance demanding more of her nectar. She tried to roll her hips, as he ignored where she needed him most, his nose brushing over it every so often and making her writhe in response. Never in his life had he ever needed woman like this.

She was trembling, the moans she’d been holding back no longer under control as she grew louder, more demanding. Cullen could hear the creaking of the headboard, nails scratching at it. She was close, he could feel it in her whole body and he finally gave her what she wanted. He swirled his tongue around her clit again, and again. 

“Oh shit! Cu-Cu-Cullen…. I, Oh fuck, please…” She was losing control, the pitch in her voice raising with each movement of his tongue. He watched her hands slip from the headboard. Felt her toes curling against his back. Smirking he licked up, caught her clit between his teeth and sucked. 

*****Tabby*****

Tabby screamed, back snapping up, chest pressing out, her hands flying to clutch onto his head both hands digging into golden locks. His name fell off her tongue repeatedly as colors burst behind her eyes, the sound of glass shattering next to them registered for half a second until she realized he wasn't stopping. In fact he was more aggressive, two digits joining the beautiful torture. She screamed again, tears of overwhelming pleasure brushing down her cheeks as he working her clit furiously, his fingers finding that one spot- weeping she begged him to let her rest. She was beyond sensitive, just one movement and she would crash. She thought her body would break apart with one more release. If she admitted anything it was she was afraid of the feeling once again building.

“Cullen, Cullen...Oh god, Cullen.”

Letting go of her clit his voice husky with need, he moved his body over hers, their eyes clashed for a second before he thrust into her hard making them both moan. Seated in her fully it took a second before he moved, two years worth of emotions reared their ugly heads, leaning in he crushed her lips with his as he started the punishing rhythm they both needed. Tabby couldn’t help the tears, happiness and pain mixing together as Cullen built them up.

Breaking the kiss he gasped, “I wanted to make love to you slow, but, Maker help me, I can’t.”

Resting his weight on his forearms burying his face in her neck as his hips thrust hard. It wasn’t enough though, she needed more. Lifting her legs higher she opened up to him more and the new angle allowed him to further. Grunting Cullen pushed himself up, placing his hands behind each knee pressing her legs back until he felt them tremble. The knot in her stomach tightened, that tingling sensation building at the base of her spine up into her toes. This release was going to be big… each one before getting progressively stronger but never in her life has she felt a build up like this. Tabby couldn’t stop the shaking in her legs and that feeling started to spread upwards. 

Cullen must had felt it as his next words came through gritted teeth. “Come for me Tabs, I need you to, Maker I'm so close. Come on love, yes, yes...” He snapped his hips forward, grinding against her clit, once, twice- white light blinded her as a cry and scream broke past her lips. Every part of her body tingled, the euphoria making her see colors brighter, tastes stronger, the candles around room roared to life, the wax melting quickly before plunging them into darkness. The moonlight the only thing that allowed her see, as Cullen held onto her hips and thrust hard, his cries of pleasure joining hers as his seed flooded deep inside. She felt it even start to leak out, there was so much. Falling forward, he quickly rolled them to their sides, though he stayed inside her even as he softened. 

_Holy-_ She’d nearly forgotten what being with him was like. The memories not having held a candle to the real thing. Panting, she cuddles close to his chest, bodies pressed tightly, her leg over his hip. _I don’t want to go._ She wanted to hold on to him tighter, make love to him until morning light blazed and even then she wanted to lock all of his office doors and allow them to find their pleasure over and over again. _You can’t, Hunter is waiting. The family is waiting._ If she was selfish and held no ties to her world, she’d stay. She’d make love to this beautiful man every day and night, and love him with every ounce of her being. Somewhere in the darker part of her mind she hoped his seed flowing inside would take and another child would bear fruit, but it won't. Anytime she wishes for anything it’s taken from her in some way. Luck stop being on her side many moons ago. _But, you never know._ Chewing on her lip Tabby pushes Cullen onto his back. The man grunting as she straddles his hips, breath sucked in sharply as she rocks once against him.

“Once more Commander,” she smirked at the shock and rushed blush that burned his cheeks. The response she hopped for quickly began to grow. Looking down into that handsome face Tabby reached out to touch his lower lip, his scar, as she spoke. “I don't know when or if I'll ever be able to come back,” she paused trying to remain passionate, but the grief in her voice escaped just a bit before she could curb it, “If you will be here, so I'm going to claim every inch of you.” 

Grabbing his wrists and placing them above his head working her body against his. Leaning forward she breathlessly laid claim, “You are mine Cullen Rutherford. I’ve a lot of regrets in my life, loving you will never be one. I wish I could tell you to go off and find someone while you have time. Someone who will give you what I can't, but I realized something tonight.” Lacing her fingers with his, pinning them down, Tabby leaned in close tugging on his ear for second before whispering, “I don't share well and the thought of another woman- let's just say it wouldn't end well. I'm a greedy woman Commander, I hope you can handle that.” 

Rocking her hips in a pattern she felt his chest vibrate, eyes closing as he bit his lip. Licking the shell of his ear she sits up fully. Placing both hands on his chest she began a slow torturous speed. It wouldn’t last for long they both knew that. Pulling magic to her hands Tabby allowed the energy to flow out and over them both. Every nerve ending pressed to eleven; the pleasure for both boarding between ecstasy and pain. Cullen gripped the pillow above his head, moaning in such a way that stroked not just her libido but her ego. In all her years, never had a man made the sounds Cullen did and it blew on the fire, almost making her control snap. 

Damn it she wanted to take this all in, the frantic pace before not allowing her to enjoy the details. The craning of his neck she was rolled against him, the rose coloring that spread from his chest up to his cheeks. The mess of blonde curls no longer contained. The scar on his lip pulling before a whisper of her name is breathed out. 

They were so sensitive, every pleasure nearing pain. The build up of another orgasm sending a tingling sensation throughout her body. It was terrifying as each stroke, each movement pressed them forward. Her legs were so tired, body pushed past their normal limits, but she couldn’t, wouldn’t stop. They needed this one more time. 

“Cullen,” she circled her hips, reached up once more to takes his hands and places them over her breasts. Those sword trained fingers contracted. Whispering Tabby uses a spell to heighten sensations. Both gasp and her voice rings out louder, “Maker- ah! Cullen-” 

He yanks away his hands, circles an arm around her waist and sits up. Growling in her ear, he thrusts up. “You are mine, till the day the fade takes me- Fuck… Maker, I will love you and only you Tabs”

“Cullen.” Tears glistened at the corners of her eyes. Caressing his face, she kisses each eye, his nose, cheeks, until she reaches his lips. For a moment she faltered, emotion clogging her speech, looking into those amazing eyes she spoke honestly. To both of them. 

“I’ve miss you so much. I look at our son everyday and think of how beautiful he is and how much he looks like you. Really, I don't think he took anything from me. The blonde hair, amber eyes, for goodness sake he even smiles like you…” Almost as a gift he smiled, his own eyes misting. They were both there. She could tell. The link she created one that was more sharing then tormenting now. 

“I love you…” she whispered their bodies rocking together again. Mouths finding each other, hands roaming until the fevered pitch returns. Grunts and groans raise to unchecked levels. Neither caring that more than likely all Skyhold could and probably did hear them. Nails raked down this back marking him as hers, making sure that he would remember this every time he shifted the sourness of muscles flexing. 

She was close. A tight knot building and twisting with every thrust. Tabby begged him to keep going, whispered against his lips to take her higher than before, to make her scream his name again. His head touched hers for half a second, the hands now on her waist flexing. There was going to be marks all over her body for weeks… and she loved it.

Looking into his eyes, all amber coloring was gone. The pupil blown out, the lust overwhelming all other senses. Cullen lifted her slightly and tilled her back on her knees. This made her lean back onto her arms changing the angle as it tilted her hips, “Oh fuck!” Was all she manage as he slid deeper, his full length pressing in on that one spot. The knot in her belly to twisted even more. “Cullen, Maker, Jesus, please Cullen, I- I need...” It was right there! Tabby whined frightened at the drop. It was going to be all consuming. 

Then he stopped, her head snapping forward as he pulled out. Protest was on her lips, just he flips her around and onto all fours, quickly he thrusts back in and all air leave her lungs. His back to her chest, she feels his warm breath tickler her ear.

“Breathe love,” he grunted, his whole body shaking. She only managed to let a shutter of air. _So full… So completely and utterly…_ “Tabby?”

“Move… For all the gods in our worlds, please-” 

A smirk split his lips “As you wish.” 

A scream of pure uninhibited passion echoed off the walls. For a second, Tabby didn't realize it was her doing until that beautiful, painfully blissful, climax snapped inside and his named was roughly being pulled from her full bee stung lips. Cullen's hips thrust against hers the sound almost to loud in the room. She could feel their love dripping down her thighs. Instinctively her body jerked trying to get away as her over sensitive clit was stimulated again and again as he pushed her further. Tears traced lines down her cheeks, it almost hurt yet it felt so magnificent. 

“Take it, my love, take it all. Ride it out. That’s it, just like that. yes , yes- ” He pulled back, hands gripping her hips as he thrust wildly into her, his movements wild and demanding. She held onto the bed for dear life as he pushed and pushed until she was trembling and her legs gave out. Two more orgasms punch their ways through until he finally stills and cums. The feeling of his seed filling her again making her twitch with aftershocks. 

Cullen's head pressed between her shoulder blades, both panting. Carefully he pulls out and drops to the bed beside her. Tabby’s eyes refusing to open as he pulls her close, one arm resting on her hip. Exhausted, she manages to shift enough to cuddle into his chest, kiss over his heart and pass out.

****

Sleep claimed her for a short time, but she knew when she opened her eyes again that she had to go. Chewing on her lower lip she hugged him closer. Cole was outside the tower. Flexing the fade giving her a warning. 

“Cullen, I, I have to go. Cole is waiting.” 

Arm over her tightened, she didn’t need to see his face to know how he felt. Lips brush against her hairline. 

“Thank you, for… for loving me, we both know what's going to happen, and I know that when it does… He will love you just that much stronger.” 

They kiss briefly, the urge for more crawling it’s way back up, but they resisted as they cleaned up. There was petting and at least one more orgasm pulled from her body, but soon they were dressed again and climbing down the latter. His arm curved around her waist. Moving too far away feeling like miles, yet as they reached the door. He let her slip away. For a long moment they just looked at one another. This knowledge that this would be the last time hanging over them. 

“I love you.” he stated. 

Tabby tried not to cry. Refused to leave him with the image of her being sad the last moment. Cullen moved first putting a hand behind her neck pressing his forehead to hers. _No, don’t cry. Don’t cry!_ Yet there was that burn behind her eyelids. Those beautiful lips that had loved her brushing over each.

“Don’t cry my love, remember, It’s not goodbye, it's see you later.”

“At least this time it's a proper send off. No mirrors, no stupid magical stuff just, us.” Kissing his lips lightly she hugged him around his neck. “If you feel it… If you know it's close, please call for me. I'll come to you I swear.” 

“No, I don't want you to see that, I want the last memory you have to be of this. Of our amazing night together.” Grinning shyly at her, Tabby felt something pull in her chest. “Besides Sable said that when it happens I will just be Cullen 2.0, whatever that means. So no tears for me, love, you have given me so much this night I only hope I gave you comfort in return.”

Tabby snorted. _Cullen 2.0… only Sable._

Backing away she holds onto his hands unable to let go till she was too many steps away. 

“I love you Cullen Stanton Rutherford. We will see each other again. Oh and one more thing,” waving her hand a burst of magic shot past him. “a small gift to your sanity when it returns in the next few hours.”

Cole appeared by her side. She watched Cullen flinch before relaxing. Waving to him once more they rushed back to the mirror room.

*****Cullen*****

Cullen leaned against the door, chuckling as he saw her gift to him. The tower was back in order everything in its original places. The chaos controlled, for the moment. Soaking it all in, now that she was gone, again, it was hard to believe she’d really been there. 

Slowly climbing the ladder he caught sight of himself in the mirror grinning at the love bites and scratches. Closing his eyes, he couldn't stop smiling even as the truth flowed through his thoughts, _I love you Tabitha… soon, it’s going to be soon. I can feel it in my bones._ Falling into his bed the sheets smelling of sex but most notably lavender and mint. Taking a deep breath, he wished he could keep them smelling like her forever. 

Exhausted, wrapped in their scent he drifted off to sleep.

*****Tabby*****

Tabby moved around Skyhold quietly. Cole had left her a little bit before entering the gardens. She hadn't actually looked before, but they were magnificent. All the herbs and flowers and the huge trees… They shouldn't be able to survive in cold air here but it was Skyhold. It was like its own living being. 

Leaning down to touch a piece of white Lotus a voice so familiar and yet unreal spoke her name. There was strength and curiosity in his tone along with a healthy dose of weariness. The man she had named King in her first play through of the games stood just in shadow. Only part of his handsome face showing. 

A soft curve to lips was sent his way. 

“Hello Alistair.”


	28. Happy Thanksgiving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ali and Tabby talk and then shit gets real... maybe a little too real

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY THANKSGIVING! 
> 
> Yes I still live and I'm sorry this is so short, but the spirit to write came over me even though I'm tired as hell. It's not probably edited, but I will come back to that later. Enjoy and hopefully Tabby will keep talking to me.

The moonlight danced over the man before her, kissing the perfect highlights against his face. He looked tired. More so than she had ever thought his handsome face could get. Tilting her head Tabby straightens, pulling her night coat closer. 

 

“If I may be frank, you look like crap sir. I know becoming a parent is life draining but damn. Unless this about Belle, then I can totally understand. She has a knack for giving people heart attacks early. Ask her about Tahiti one day, you may question your wife's sanity.” 

 

“I question it often and it is about her,” he runs his fingers through his hair and it takes her a moment to notice he's in his night clothes. He hadn't slept that was obvious. Dark circles and stress lines did not fit her favorite goofy Warden/King. “I need your help.” 

 

Oh and that sounds ominous. Motioning him closer they sit on a nearby bench. It doesn't take long for Alistair to break down. All the stress and worry of Belle and the baby. This bitch trying to hurt them. It was killing him not to be able to protect them. Over the course of it all he shrank into himself physically until he his head was in his hands as he leaned forward. Tabby rubbed his back. A small amount of healing energy pulsing from her fingers. He was trying not to cry yet his shoulders trembled. 

 

“Alistair, look at me.” He turns and there is a warmth that spreads through her. He loved Belle. More than anything and that left Tabby feeling calm. This kind of love she only witnessed very few times. Her mother and father being the best example. Touching his stubble cheek she smiles. “Now take a deep breath and walk with me.” 

 

She was forgetting about her time so she needed to walk an talk. Linking their arms then head for the door. “Now, tell me how I can help.”

 

“I need you to take her back with you.” 

 

It took a lot of force not to stop them both. Logically she knew how Alistair felt and protecting his family is of the most important. She also knew Belle and the hell fire that would be coming… Sighing Tabby reached for the door. 

 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, yet somehow I feel arguing with you would be useless.” As they enter the room she looks at him. “I will talk to my father, but she will fight us. There will be kicking and screaming on her part and she will hate you. It may not be for forever, but you should prepare for that feeling.”

 

Alistair gave a simple nodded just as a small excited screech passed through the mirror. Chuckling Tabby smiled and waved to Hunter who was bouncing up and down in her father’s arms clearly feeling better. 

 

“He’s beautiful… and very much looks like his father.”  
She laughed, “Oh you have no idea. It seems you Ferelden boys are rather genetically strong. He has very little of me and everything of Cullen. I feel as if I was used as incubator for his clone.”

 

“Clone?”

 

“A copy.” She signs to her father that it was fine to let Hunter out of his arms. The gate was only one way so-

 

“Mama!”

 

The next few seconds left them all stunned, as the light from the mirror flickered, small arms circling her leg and her father’s figure running at them before it blinking out completely. 

 

 _No. Oh my god._ Looking down Tabby touched the top of those soft blond curls. This couldn’t be happening, yet there they all were. Hunter hugging his stuffed Happy doll and while reach for her to pick him up. Whatever energy was in her legs was sapped out forcing her to the floor. Pulling Hunter as closely as she could, a moment of panic began to strengthen and crawl across her skin. Trembling she looks to Alistair.

 

“Get Sable…”


End file.
